I Don't Always SEE My Husband
I was sitting on the couch, typing away on my laptop. The dogs were excited and playful because Chw had just walked in the door after a long day of work. Genny, in her tween I am the center of the world charming fashion, ran right up to her daddy and started hounding him for something super selfishly annoying urgent, when he just lost his cool.
Amidst the barking, bouncing and incessant chatter he failed to see that the message truly being handed him was saying we love you and we're glad your home.
It's almost always the same story, every Monday through Friday. Some days he's had a great day and he's more receptive of the high energy welcome. Other days, like the one I just mentioned, his nerves simply cannot take it.
On this particular day in question though, which hadn't been a cake walk for me either, I got annoyed at his response. "They're just happy to see you," I snapped. While we didn't exactly have an argument, the atmosphere was one laced more with hostility than anything, and words were exhanged. As he went to take a shower and rant about me in his own mind, I began dinner preparations where I proceeded to fume even more. I was, after all, the one in the right. How could he be so self consumed in his irritations not to see that this was his home, and if he didn't want his family lovingly greeting him (mostly, with the exception of a small percentage of his 11-year-old's selfishness well meaning ways...) then maybe he should go elsewhere after work. Meanwhile, he was likely thinking, why can't she see that I had a hard day and I just needed to come home to a home of calm and peace?
I wish I could say that it was like the instant flick of a light switch that reality came to me -- or that the above scenario was a one time moment -- but that would be a lie. I am a hypocrite. I don't always see my husband. Sure, I look in his direction and know when he enters a room, but I don't take the time to truly see him. To see the heart behind his actions, or the things etched plainly in his expression that he hopes I'll notice. In my deadline rush or other busy filled hours I don't always stop to look at my kids when they talk. There are times when I don't stop to put myself in their position and try to see where they are coming from. I'm sad to say, more often than I wish, I jump to conclusions only to later realize that if I would have just paused to truly look at my husband/kid/mother/friend/________________, then I would have saved everyone involved some serious hurt.