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Sparkle (0)
Hi all. I stink at hair. Meaning, I stink at making braids, pony tails, etc. I would rather hammer a bookcase together.
But, the other day I was trying to make a pony tail in my daughter's hair. She is 4 1/2 and has always had a cute and short haircut. One of the reasons I never let her hair grow yet, besides for the bob looking so cute on her, is because I do not know how to do hair. I never had long hair as a young girl, and my mother never "did" my hair. She always cut it for me (which was a nightmare) and I did not grow my hair until I got to high school - when long was in.
I was honest and up front with my daughter about why I kept her hair short and told her that I will have to send her to the neighbors if she wanted a pony tail or braids, because they would do a much better job. But that day she let me try.
I worked diligently to make her a tiny pony tail on the top side of her head. I thought it looked cute...but she felt it...didn't even bother to look in the mirror and said that she didn't like it.
Of course we had about zero minutes to get her out the door and off to school, but I took the time to listen because I remembered how my mom would tell me how sensitive she was to make sure that I never left the house for school miserable.
I said "T, it'sthe best I can do. Really, I'm sorry, but I am just not good at this."
"But mommy, it's not pretty and Monica is going to tell me that I look funny!" And she burst into tears.
Monica has been a manipulative friend to my daughter. One day she tells her she's her friend. The next day she changes her mind. Since the beginning of the school year, my daughter walks into her classroom every single morning wondering what type of mood Monica will be in. That must be so unpleasant and stressful for her.
Both my husband and I have had talks with my daughter of what it means to be a good friend. We also try hard to role model what healthy relationships look like. I also know that this girl she is stressed out about is also only 4 1/2 - but it still makes us angry that she treats our daughter the way that she does.
We've talked to T about her "friend" - and have used words like "fickle" and "confused" when describing her behavior and how she relates to my daughter. But this time when I was doing my daughter's hair, and she mentioned how Monica would make fun of her, I was mad.
I told T "Listen, Monica is mean. She is being mean to you."
I continued: "Does Shirley treat you that way?
"No, " she responded.
"Do you treat your friends that way?"
"No."
"She is being mean to you. She is not a good friend."
I gave my daughter a big hug. I did not know what else to say or do. All this, however, did actually make my daughter feel better - as if her own feelings were validated. She happily left the "pony" that I made her and went off to school with her dad.
But I felt sad for my daughter. I know and believe that we cannot keep our children in a bubble - so that they never ever feel pain or discomfort...but it's still so hard to see them hurting.
I wonder why - even after all that hard work of parenting in a way that builds self-confidence and self-esteem - that my kids still get affected by other mean kids.
Can it be avoided? What else can I do? I don't want my kids to get bullied. Who does? And their nice kids - so I fear they may be easy targets.
What more can I do to help them feel confident and strong even in the face of adversity?
