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“No, no, no!” screams Lisa into her phone. Her most recent object of interest had just canceled on their weekend getaway in Santa Barbara due to some business thing. The man tried to explain, but she was no longer listening.
“I can't do this,” she told him. “I can't be in a relationship with someone who says they're doing something and then doesn't over and over.”
It was only his second cancellation, but it made no difference. She hung up and unmuted the TV.
“Time to take care of that unwanted hair?” a woman in an infomercial asked. “Each Smooth Away pad is covered in crystals that remove unwanted hair! Just buff lightly and the hair is gone, 100 percent pain free!”
Lisa took a sip of her glass of Veuve Clicquot.
“An 80 dollar value for only 14.99!” the infomercial continue. “It's the fastest-selling, most popular women's product in Europe!”
Lisa rolled her eyes and changed the channel.
“I am so tired of false advertising,” Lisa said after Mia and I sat down at bench outside Starbucks with our coffees. She never joined us this early and looked a little unkempt.
“Have you slept?” Mia asked her.
“No!” she exclaimed. “I've been tossing and turning thinking about this all night. Look, I'm pretty straight forward. I tell men I don't want a serious relationship, I tell them what I do, I show them who I am. I never pretend to be anything I'm not.”
“Right,” I said, lighting a cigarette.
“But these guys I'm dating!” she pulled her sunglasses to the top of her head. “They just won't. This last one was available at all hours—three hour lunches, late-late nights, weekends away—now it's like he can hardly have a coffee.”
Mia and I looked at each other.
“Maybe he's just not that into you?” I asked, tentatively.
“Then why does he keep making plans with me?” she asked, furious. “I don't call him and he'll hound me for days. Texts, e-mails, calls. Finally I'll accept and then at the last minute, he has some meeting or business thing and can't make it.”
She showed me her phone.
“See that? Mr. Not Into Me has left me three messages already,” she said. “I'm furious.”
“Maybe he's really just busy, then,” suggested Mia.
“That's fine,” said Lisa. “I'm not one of those girls that needs your attention every hour of the day. But what I do need is consistency. If you're a crazy workaholic or have an intensive work life, then you really need to be upfront about it from the get-go. Don't start me off with weeks of three-hour lunches and then fail to see me for days because you're busy. It's confusing. If I'm going to spend time with you, I want to know what you're about—from the beginning.”
Across the desert, in the wild heat of Las Vegas, Katya made her way to her car after a full night of work and play. She'd rocked a couple of grand on the pole and then spent most of the morning gambling with a few guys she'd picked up at the club—and their money.
Overall, it'd been a good night, but she was furious. She'd been talking to a guy she'd met while working in Seattle over the winter who'd told her he was flying to see her. He'd told her this for the past three days. The first time, he told her that he'd see her that night. No show. He apologized and told her he was leaving on a specific flight and gave her his exact arrival time. No show. He apologized again and said he was coming that night via private jet.
No show.
Her rhinestone-studded phone beeps with a text.
“Sorry, baby, missed my jet.”
“How the hell do you miss your private jet?” she screamed when I picked up my phone that afternoon.
“I have no idea—is it chartered?”
“He's full of shit!” she screams. “I don't know why a man would feel compelled to lie about visiting. Can't he just send me a message saying he wishes he could visit me? That's just as good! I don't wanna spend my nights waiting around, all distracted when I'm working. It's disruptive. I don't get it. I'm not taking any more of his calls. He's a freak.”
“I don't blame you.”
“GOD!” Katya screams. “Why can't people just be up-front?!”
That evening, Mia and I went to Bed Bath & Beyond for a new iron after Mia's gave out. I'd never been to one and Mia had a thrill watching my eyes pop out of my head at all the things they sold. It almost
