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Self-Discovery by Ananda Leeke
Copyright 2008 by Madelyn C. Leeke.
Excerpt from That Which Awakens Me (Winter 2009, iUniverse, Inc.)
If I slow down long enough to feel what I have been running from, then it will happen.
Question: Do I want it to happen?
Answer: Silence with a shrugging of shoulders.
Not absolutely sure, I continue my pace with longer strides just in case I might miss something.
I pretend to be uninterested when I am really dying on the inside to explore and excavate my internal architecture.
A part of me wants to go on a rescue mission to dig up my past sufferings and bring them into the light of the present so that the future can be navigated from a place of spiritual strength rather that weakness.
Sistagirl is a Buddhist warrior embracing all forms of my suffering with a Kali goddess attitude.
She is flanked by a team of angels who chant the Gayatri and Moola mantras one right after the other.
Her chakras are in complete alignment. Her posture and stance are in Tadasana, the mountain yoga pose 365/24/7.
Her Kundalini fire is burning bright.
She is not afraid of the rancid odor of decaying fear that oozes from my ancient wounds covered by tattered and dirty bandages.
My my my is all I can say.
She is fearless with a one track mind devoted to complete and total healing now in the moment and now in the next moment and all of the moments thereafter.
She longs to wade in the pool of mystery of what might happen when my Pandora's box opens wide.
She knows it is for my greatest and highest good.
That's why she waits with baited breath to witness the myriad of possibilities that arise from too many dark nights of the soul.
I wonder if she is just plain ole' stone fool crazy.
She reassures me that she is not.
She just wants to get all of me to the other side and knows that it can only happen when
all of me surrenders and participates in the dance of life called self-discovery.
