Sending Mixed Signals as Moms
By Tzenaki on August 25, 2011
This blog post might hit a few nerves so I apologize in advance if you get offended by this. It is not my intention to offend, its just my intention to say what I feel.
I get annoyed when I come across twitter handles and blog names and emails that are soandsos'smom. It drives me insanely crazy. I don't really know why this is bothers me but it does. I guess I've always thought of it like, Yes, my daughter IS my biggest accomplishment but she is NOT the only thing in my life that I've accomplished. I'm a mother but I have an identity outside of a mom. I wear more than one hat, don't you?
Growing up I hated being called "Alex's little sister". Along with correcting them that I'm the "younger" sister NOT the little sister I'd be sure to throw my name in there. I'm "Jenny, Alex's younger sister," or if you prefer "Alex's younger sister, Jenny." Now that I'm older I still get ticked off by those types of labels. I dropped Demi off at daycare the other day and a parent goes to me, "Are you Demi's mom" "Yes, I'm Jenny, Demi's mom."
Now my post isn't about the lack of using my name and only referring to me as a mom but its about the message we send to our children, mainly our daughters. From the moment we give birth nowadays we are freaked out by trying to remain gender neutral and not push a sex on a kid. We try not to give dolls to girls and trucks to boys. We try not to use terms like "sweet girl" and "strong boy". We don't stress boy toys or girl toys and boy colors and girl colors. We teach both our sons and daughters that they can be anything they want to be. We love and support them in anything they do. We teach them about doing what they want and finding themselves. We allow our children to form their own identities and we support them in that. When we notice that our children are out of line we discipline them, when we notice they are too shy we try to coax them out of their shell. But we always support their identity. The kid is girlie, a tomboy, tough, a bit weak, in touch with this/her feelings, emotional...we work with our kids and figure out how to approach them. How to talk to them, how to discipline them depending on their personalities.
Then a funny thing happens, our daughter's grow up and become moms and even we stop calling them by their names. We'll ask our grandchildren "Where is your mommy? What did your mommy say? Did mommy make you breakfast today?" We stop talking to our children about how their day was an instead ask how THEIR child's day was. We spent all this time teaching our children to become their own person and then we let them lose it and just focus on their being a mom. We tell our daughters to never fall into a man's shadow. To stand on their own and be their own person. Don't rely on a man for money, emotional support, or anything. Be equals. Be partners. Then somehow we end up allowing our children to go from "Jenny" to "Demismom.blogspot.com" We say nothing of this we think this is completely normal. It's NOT.
It gets under my skin. Maybe my mom raised me different, maybe I'm too hard headed? I don't want to just be known as a mom. There is so much more to me than what I popped out of my vagina. Now I don't mind being a mom, in fact I love it but its not everything that encompasses me. If that makes me a bad mom then I guess I'm a horrible mom. I guess I'm just urging more moms to step out of their children's shadows and be your own person. Don't be just a mom.
Does this get under your skin or are you one of the offenders!?
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