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I'm about to start my senior year at one of the most amazing colleges in the world, and I've realized recently that I never expected this time would come. As I watched seniors in previous years struggle to figure out "plans after college," it never really dawned on me that that would be ME someday. School has always seemed like it would go on forever, and now I'm terrified about what lies ahead.
For me, this final year is going to be about self discovery and healing; about taking chances and acting on my dreams; about finding God and following His plan for me. I will be using this blog to help me along the way, and I hope writing things down will help me sort out my life and gain a new perspective on things. I will try to write a few times a week so that I can get in the habit of slowing down and taking the time to think through the thing that are happening in my life.
One of the most important things I want to sort through this year is my eating disorder. I no longer no how to feed myself or take care of my body. I've been caught up in an 9 month cycle of punishing my body through bingeing, purging, undereating, overexercising, underexercising, and excessive preoccupation with the idea that there is an inverse relationship between my weight and my worth as a person. After trying for 9 months to deny what is going on, and to try to "fix myself," I hope to finally get help this year.
I also hope to strengthen my relationship with God. I have ignored Him, questioned Him, and rebelled against Him. Now it is time for me to find Him and follow Him.
