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The hard part about twins is not how you do everything in duplicate. It's about the constant additional decisions you need to make (especially if you are a terrible decision maker like me). It's not just whether or not to breastfeed, but whether to breastfeed simultaneously or pump and bottle feed both babies simultaneously or whether to skip breastfeeding at all. Or breastfeed separately. Or bottle feed one and breastfeed the other--at the same time or separately.
The topic du jour once twins hit preschool or kindergarten is whether or not to keep the twins in the same classroom. Do you keep them with the same teacher so they have each other as support or do you separate them into two different classrooms so they can build more independence from one another?
The pros and cons are endless and every therapist and their mother has an opinion. Keep twins in the same classroom so they're not in constant competition comparing teachers, keep them in the same room so they receive a similar education, keep them in the same room because you are recognizing that they do have a unique bond and to separate them is cruel. And the therapists on the other side of the hall are chanting their opinions: separate them into two classrooms because absence makes the heart grow fonder. Separate them because they need to develop their own tastes, friendships, opinions without looking towards their security blanket for confirmation. Separate them to ensure that they find their own voice.
The only problem with accepting advice from a book or third party is that they don't know your children--your unique children who are not a case study in a book, but instead, very real human beings who can't be reduced to a two-dimensional example on page 56. It's fine to collect schools of thought and ask your friends and family for their opinions, but at the end of the day, each set of multiples needs to be considered within their own unit because blanket statements tend to smother rather than warm the people they're over.
My advice is to skip the books and website that preach a single solution and instead gravitate towards the ones such as this resource on iVillage that gives both sides of the story and allows you to choose-your-own-adventure at the end of the page. The important message to also take away from that article is that the decision isn't permanent. It can be changed sometimes mid-year or at the very least, by the next grade.
The other piece of excellent advice from that article is to speak with other twin parents and hear what worked for them as you try their experience on your unique family. I'll take that a step further and say that it's even better to read blogs and get to see the story unfold in real time as twins remain in the same classroom or split into different rooms. The situation isn't boiled down to a few afterthoughts in conversation, but instead is presented raw and honest.
Physiomom tackled this question this week. Though she was advised by the principal to put them in separate classrooms, she questions the soundness of this idea and states: "Moreover, one twin is more a leader while the other is more of a follower. If they are separated, they may have separation anxiety and also stressful particularly for the twin who is more dependent on the other twin."
Jen's twins at Jen's Genuine Life started kindergarten this year in the same class. She made her decision because they had never been separated before and she didn't want to begin during a time when they were already stressed about starting kindergarten itself. She ends with the sound advice about weighing professional advice: "Not every set will benefit from being in the same classroom and not every set will benefit from being separated."
Belgian Waffle asked for advice for her own twins. While she initially thought they should be kept together, she began to notice that one twin was dependent on the other: "They said that Daniel wants to play with Michael all the time. Some days, Michael does not want to play with Daniel (fair enough) and then Daniel gets cranky (who could blame him?). Apparently, there are never times when Michael wants to play with Daniel and Daniel does not want to play with Michael. Their
