On Separation Anxiety

Emily has developed a case of separation anxiety that rivals anything I have ever seen. Her body comes out of my hip, it's as simple as that. And if I attempt anything that resembles putting her down....yeah, I just don't do that. When it first started, I was able to hand her to her daddy and that was almost as good. A morphic process began sometime over the Thanksgiving holiday where NO ONE else was as good as mommy. Not nobody, not no how. If I am within her sight, we may be okay. She loves and adores hanging out in my closet, so I am usually able to put on some clothes before she starts climbing me again. 


Not that I particularly mind this clinginess, the new mommy need. I like having her want me. I even like having her want only me. I'm sure there is something slightly wrong with me for enjoying this.Shouldn't I want her to be independent and happy even when she is not connected to me? I'm sure I should. Positive in fact. But, especially when my mother is concerned, it thrills me that she doesn't want someone else and reaches her arms out to me


Yes, this makes life a little more difficult. Getting dressed or washing dishes or basically doing anything that requires both hands now requires a more ingenious approach. Life changes. I fear change, it is part of my nature, part of my depression and anxiety. I worry. But, as life changes more and more frequently these days, I learn to roll with the changes, to embrace them and let them envelop me. These moments, they pass too quickly for worry and fear to bog me down. And these days, these days, my baby knows ME, not just as a caretaker, a feeling of warmth and comfort, but she knows me as her mother, the one she loves and wants to be with. And that changes everything. It makes me feel warm and loved, like I can handle any thing that gets thrown at me. All because a tiny little being is growing and learning and loving, and she is doing all of those things because of me. 


I am proud of her beyond measure. I love, live and breath because she exists. She is everything.


And she took two steps last night. 

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