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or an Early Childhood Education guide to gender identity development. (which hardly seemed a glamorous and exciting title)
As a teacher of young children, I can not tell you how many times I had to face a father who walked in at the end of a long work day to see his son - festooned in glittery hand-me-down dance outfits, in heels with purse, playing joyously in the dramatic play area.
There was more than one that I had to step in front of before he barreled towards his son to rip the costume off the three, or four, or five year old child's body.
Moms weren't exempt either, and I fielded my share of questions about their sons love of nail polish, or their daughters rejection of dresses and insistence on short hair and Spiderman shirts.
First of all, lets be clear. Adults are Adults. Our minds race to places about sexuality, picking up on the way all our hopes/fears/biases/shame along the way. That is how adults think.
Children do NOT think like this. NOT AT ALL. Their default mode of thinking is "Does that look fun?", "Will I enjoy that?", "Can I join a friend in playing if I decide to be in the dramatic play area?" Questions or concerns about sexual orientation does not immediately (*normally) enter their minds. It is, quite simply, not a concern.
From the moment of birth, children are bombarded with messages about their assigned gender. We dress them in specific clothes. We give them specific toys. Back in the late 80's when I first starting working with Infants and Toddlers, I would laugh because diapers were being sold in Blue and Pink. Ostensibly they were "designed" differently...but they weren't. It was a gimmick. Apparently if you put your child in the correct color diaper, you could assure their proper gender orientation...
Along with trying to control their gender orientation by colored diapers, we surround them by the gender roles and identities of the people who are caring for them. They initially learn what women "do" by watching their mother and other female family and caregivers. Same goes with Men. They learn what men "do" by observing the interactions of their fathers and other male family and caregivers. They hear messages like "Big Boys don't cry" or "Big Girls get to wear Pretty Dresses!" constantly.
Infants and Toddlers are amazing observational instruments. Anyone who has watched a child emulate - pitch perfectly - the tone of voice or facial expression of someone they love will know this without a doubt.
By age 5, most children have a pretty solid idea of what their gender identity is - externally. They can tell you if they are a boy or a girl. They can tell you what things "boys" do or like and what things "girls" do or like.
They don't have reasons for these beliefs, of course, just the vague reinforced notion of certain things being masculine or feminine. They may know that boys seem to be defined by a penis...and that girls don't have one. Girls may be able to tell you about their
