Seven mistakes to avoid on your family vacation.

Top 7 mistakes to avoid while on your family vacation.
 
 
1.  Assuming your children will be grateful for the luxury lodge you chose for a week's vacation.  You could have paid less than half for a cabin in the woods with no amenities and a dark, bottomless lake that drops off immediately to untold depths.  Instead you shelled out most of your tax return for a 3 bedroom lodge with cathedral ceilings, wifi, DirecTV, private, sandy beach with gradual entry. You are stupid.  They will hate it anyway.
2.  Assuming that your children will play outside from dawn to dark on previously mentioned sandy beach.  It's too windy, too hot, too sandy, too rocky, too "I think I see duck poop over there, I'm going in the house". 
3.  Assuming that they will swim in the clear, clean lake that you paid part of your retirement to be steps away from this week.  It's too cold, too wet, there's silt/mud/sticks/rocks and NO FOR JESUS SAKE THERE ARE NO GREAT WHITE SHARKS IN THIS LAKE!
4.  Assuming that your little cherubs will spend hours exploring the dark, cool, pine scented woods.  Looking for bear tracks, moose tracks and building forts.  This will not happen, because there are bugs here.  Big bugs.  Aggressive, flesh-starved bugs.  Deep Woods Off just pisses them off and whets their appetites for blood.  I kind of agree with the kids on this one, what the hell, deer fly?  Why ya gotta be such a dick?
5.  Assuming that the board games you hate to play with your kids at home will be any better in a lake side cabin.  They won't be.  
6.  Assuming that you will LOVE having absolutely nothing to do in the middle of Godforsaken nowhere.  By the morning of day 2, I had us strapped into the car and driving 17 miles to find signs of life and a Rite Aid.
7.  Assuming that the term "Family Vacation" included you.  Dumb-ass.  3 meals a day for 4 people, the cooking, dishes, pots and pans, laundry, the vacuuming up of endless piles of sand, mountains of wet, molding towels..all on your, Girlfriend.  Pretty much the same as home except wickedly expensive.  But the view of the lake is nice.

 

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