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I have long been a dedicated and observant pupil of life’s often hilarious, and just as often, heart-breaking ways of moving through me.  I am,...
 
 
 
 

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Sex and the Saxophonist

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I almost had sex one night with a young, sexy saxophone player. It all began with a little IM sex. OK to be honest, it was more like IM foreplay. Either way, the IMing almost led to real-live sex, with a real-live sexy sax player. It would have been smoking hot too, if only he had a car instead of a bike; and by bike, I don’t mean a bad ass Harley or a racy Ducati, I mean a bi-cy-cle. As in a bike -- that you pedal -- like when your 15 year old boyfriend wants to bike over so you can make-out on your parents couch, that kind of bike.

Saxy

The night started out quietly, with no hint of all the sex I was about to almost have. My kids were away for the night and, as was often the case when they were gone, I could not sleep. Restless, I stayed up working late on a paper for school when I got an e-mail from Mr. Sexy Sax Player with whom I had a class. We e-mailed back and forth, and soon the e-mails turned to IMs. He was so smooth, so sexy. His technique was so seductive; it didn’t take long before we were off our computers, and onto our phones. Closer contact was definitely needed.

He continued with his seduction, made even hotter by his low, breathless voice, “You are so sexy...” as he led me on a tour of my body describing all the things he liked about it. I was impressed. He had obviously been paying attention in class, maybe not to the instructor, but at least he was taking notes on the things that interested him.

He went on with even more sexy talk and then, finally, the big play, “Let me come over,” he cooed. I freaked. My divorce was still fresh, the scars even fresher. I laid it out for him, “I have never had casual sex.” I admitted. “I wouldn’t even know how.”

“Let me show you,” he whispered.

Holy sh*t!

“When can you get here? Can you come now?” I asked. “No problem,” he assured me. “I have my bike. I can ride really fast. I can be there in, like, 15 minutes.” SCREECH! That was the sound in my head as I mentally hit the brakes, turned around, and left the scene before a crime was even committed. I had forgotten he didn’t have a car, forgotten his license had been suspended or revoked, or something.

I imagined him, all fired up with legs pedaling wildly as he raced across town to have sex -- with me? Who was I kidding? I was a 40 year old single mom with three precious, young daughters, and he was a hot, 30 year old musician, with a history of who knew what else. This was not a made-for-TV movie, but my life; a life I was working hard to keep peaceful and safe for both my children and myself. With the dull ache of regret lingering in my loins, my dignity intact, and the sanctity of my household untarnished by all the hot, steamy love-making I was so close to not having, I hung up with my sexy, sax player and went to bed -- alone and lonely, but secure in the knowledge that I had done what was right and true for me, if not for him.

I lay there in my big bed, and in my mind’s eye I imagined the scene with a different ending. This time my sexy, sax playing smoothie was on my doorstep, sweaty, and out of breath from his energetic ride through the darkened streets of our quiet, little town. This time, my dignity was not intact at all, and I was very much tarnished, tired, and finally, ready for sleep.

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Sloane Rhodes 5 pts

Imagination sometimes trumps reality!

Lifowoman 5 pts

lol.

Then I thought, what if that bike-riding was a bit of an adrenaline pump for him to get you into the mood. You'll never know, you might see him all sweaty with his sexy abs and all. Not a bad picture at all. :p

lol. Just me and my imagination.

Sloane Rhodes 5 pts

Thank you! The freedom comes from my need to write in order to figure out my life.

Miss Lego 5 pts

I admire you for talking about it with such freedom. Great. I also laughed at lot, it's quite good

thatchickametheyst 5 pts

Even though I'm single I think I would have made the same decision too.

justlinda 9 pts

If I had a nickel for all the stories I could tell about the sex I was so close to not having... well, I'd have a few nickels. Maybe three. At least two for sure.

This was funny and yet the point is serious and important. So many times we take leave of our senses and when there are others we need to consider before ourselves, it's good to quickly regain a connection to reality.

Thank GOD he didn't have a BMW, that's all I'm saying.

( http://justlinda.net )JustLinda

fabulously imperfect

Twitter @JustLindaSTL

Sloane Rhodes 5 pts

Thanks for commenting and your kind words. I appreciate it. It is nice to know other women can relate!

Sloane Rhodes 5 pts

I so wish I could be one of those cool "cougars" I see portrayed on TV. But alas, I have never been that cool (as my daughters love to point out!).

What She Said 5 pts

I had a couple of encounters like this back in my single days. So close, but ultimately no cigar. In the end, like you, I'm just not a casual sex kinda girl. But it was always fun to imagine the different outcome!

And this line cracked me up: "I imagined him, all fired up with legs pedaling wildly as he raced across town to have sex..." What a great picture you paint!

Kristin (@SaidKristin ( http://twitter.com/#%21/SaidKristin )) blogs about everything from parenting to social media to stink bugs at her virtual mind dump, What She Said ( http://twss-blog.blogspot.com )

phnixrising 5 pts

What a shame. A fabulous cougar moment gone in one ephemeral moment. Laughing and relating

Sloane Rhodes 5 pts

Yes! Listening to what gives us pause. So hard to do sometimes, but inevitably our inner voice always knows best.

Thank you for encouraging me that there will be "other times, better times." I will hold onto that. Cheers! :)

Candelaria Silva 5 pts

When water is thrown on an opportunity to have spontaneous sex especially with a new hot person and the imagination pistons are firing and the juices flowing - it is excruciating!
I've learned to listen to whatever gives me pause - especially when I was at your stage with young children at home.
There'll be other times, better times when the stars will align in the right way. I was lucky that for a few years my ex-husband had the kids from Friday night until Sunday and I had a whole other life on the weekend!

http://blog.candelariasilva.com ( http://blog.candelarisilva.com/ )

Good and plenty!

Sloane Rhodes 5 pts

You are so right, the situation was just not quite...something, but ohhhh the frustration was right! ;)

MealMixer 5 pts

I think I would have passed, too...his situation seems...not equal? not responsible? But ohhhh the frustration!

Marianne at Mealmixer ( http://www.mealmixer.com )

Sloane Rhodes 5 pts

I actually love bicycles, and there were really a multitude of reasons why I chickened out! It is all about the context of my situation at the time.

My point was more that I knew so little about his history, other than that it was troubled, hence the reasons why he had a bike instead of a car - which I don't detail in the piece.

Cheers!

serene 5 pts

A bike -- environmentally friendly, good for the muscles and heart, bicycle -- is a deal-breaker? Wow. I'm stunned.

Sloane Rhodes 5 pts

You made me laugh with the shower comment! Thank you so much for your kind words! I am glad you liked it. :) cheers!

nattums 5 pts

I had to go find your blog and make sure I'm subscribed, to make sure I don't miss anything this good in the future.

And I'm not a mom, so I can't say exactly what I would've done in your shoes, but in mine? Sort-of in yours? I would've let him ride his bike, then I would've made him shower. With me.

But that's just me. Much props to your self-control and good-decision-making-skills. :)

Denise 9 pts moderator

I hope you don't mind. ;-)

His bicycle. Heh.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.