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Just the other day I was talking to a friend(no really, it is a friend, I swear!), and she told me how she and her husband had pulled off into a public park and acted like a couple of love-struck teens -- they did It in the back of their SUV. And yes, she was mortified at herself, and yes she was freaking out they would get caught and how would that conversation go? "Why hello, officer. Who us? Um, I'm 43 and my husband is 45." Then probably an awkward pause. "Well, we were on the way to pick up our kids from their grandparents. Why on earth we didn't just do It at home, since we had the entire weekend to ourselves? Really is a question I'd love to answer myself. We promise to do It at home from now on." Because who wants to get a ticket for something like lewd behavior in public? Most of us over the age of 30 are having sex in a bed, and usually it's not a bed with four wheels under it. But from time to time, we all might get a little frisky and decide we'd like to do It differently.
However, it might behoove you to check the laws in your state, just in case you do get caught with your pants down, because the punishment may be more than just full frontal embarassment. You might find yourself serving hard (ahem) time.
This is exactly what happened to a married woman and her unmarried lovaaaah in upstate New York. The two were sharing an intimate moment. In broad daylight. Out in public. Right near a playground. Not only were they both charged with lewd and indecent behavior, the woman was slapped with an adultery charge. Not by a priest, but by the po po. Who knew? In the state of New York, adultery isn't just sinful, it's illegal. And it carries a 90-day sentence and/or a five hundred dollar fine.
So what does this mean for all of us horny over-30 men and women who might feel like taking a walk on the wild side? We're going to have to whip out our knowledge of state sex laws before we consider whipping out anything else.
There's a story by Laurie Essig on True/Slant, and it includes an example of a couple having really loud sex and a neighbor reported their screams. The police came investigated. Maybe our parents were right back in The Day when they worried, "What will the neighbors think?"
Have you done it outside? Are you surprised that adultery is still illegal in New York?
