SEX BUCKET LIST - The Curvy Chronicles


This is a TRUE story of a close relative who had a goal. His wasn’t your run-of-the-mill ‘I just want to be happy‘ or ‘I want to get fit’ new years resolution. No, his aim was  to have sex in all 50 states in America.  Before you start wondering if this is some teenage fantasy, this relative was well over the half-century mark and still as randy as hell. Actually, lets call him ‘RANDY’ from here on out.

Clearly his SEX ACROSS AMERICA quest wasn’t achievable on his own (technically I guess it could have been but how boring and lonely would that be just Randy and his right handy).  Instead of soliciting Mrs Palmer, he took his real-life-wife along for the raunchy ride (wise choice old mate).  

Being an organised woman  she had a plan of her own. He’d get his and she’d get hers. Once they shagged in each of the big 50, she’d whip out her fluro  hi-lighter  and color their road atlas, slowly marking it off state-by-state. If you think that’s a soft stroke of genius then you’ll be impressed by her clever colour code system too. Each ‘adult activity’ had its own colour, so the map (now framed and well hung in their living room) tells the tale of each encounter in the state of THEIR union.

They both LOVE showing off their travels to guests, never actually revealing the true meaning behind it. The only reason I know their sexy secret is that I was in LAS VEGAS with them on a weekend away.  I literally had to wait by the hotel pool for an hour so they could rush the room and make a mark on the map! I was bribed $20 in chips and turned that into $100 on the blackjack table. Everyone wins in Vegas!


I’ve definitely ditched the  THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE  BUCKET LIST.  There’ll  be no Jack Nicholson or Morgan Freeman sky diving reenactment on my watch. Here’s  a few ideas for you.  As for the quick and dirty ones,  best to create your own!

- Outside-  car, boat,  beach,  pool, hot tub, shower,  roof of a high rise anyone?

- Fun with Numbers- Threesome, one night stand,  Kama Sutra, swingers party

- S & M- Handcuffs, rope or anything bondage (you all know 50 Shades of Grey)

- Girls on Film – Sex tape/pics, phone sex and sexting

- Locations- Elevator, office, parents place, airplane, bathroom

- Nationalities-  Jamaicans, Italians or maybe a trip to Brazil?

Men in Uniform- Policeman, firefighter (failing that role play!)

Personally, there’s a  celebrity leave pass that’s been burning a hole in my plus size panties. I’d really like to use that one day.



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