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So I was somewhere in the blogosphere - exactly where is lost to me. Where ever I was, I spied This Fish Needs a Bicycle over in the blogroll. And I loved that, so I clicked on over, and soon I found myself hitting the sex & relationships blog surf.
First stop, Heather's the bicycle-needing fish, and she's sharing about her first time in tell all thursday: firsts:
I'd come to the conclusion (which, I suspect, will be unpopular with this crowd) that I wanted to do it and I wanted to have no lingering emotional attachment to the experience. I'd had emotional and wasn't cut out for it. One night, my roommate and I were at a party. I'd had a few to drink, and from the cab made a drunk dial to a friend. "Hey, I'm drunk. Wanna make out?" I knew what his answer would be, and I knew how the evening would unravel. His reputation as a ladies' man, and the fact that we'd found ourselves tipsy and making out on street corners on several occasions, made it a sure thing.
And that was that.
I was drawn to this post because my feelings about my first time were somewhat similar. For me, it wasn't so much that I wanted it to be attachment and emotion-free - no, I was way too much of a romantic for that. But I did sense early on that the longer you waited, the bigger a deal it was going to be. And that didn't feel right. I wanted to get to it before it became some huge thing. I was 16, and I have no regrets.
From there, I took the obvious link jump (it being in the first sentence of the previous post), to Ari Goes Down. Her post Mama's Boy (page down past the sports pictures) is mildly terrifying:
And how fucked up do I feel for what I'm thinking? Because I'm thinking he freaks me out by living at home. I mean who the fuck does that? For that reason alone I'd pretty much stop seeing him. Men, mark my words (go get paper and pen, it's important enough that I'll wait. No really. Go on. GO get the fucking pen and paper!!! OK. Thank you.) NO WOMAN WANTS A USELESS MAN. Not one. I swear it. We don't want a boy that comes directly from mommy. And lest you think I am being harsh, yes, he told me he's living at home so that he can save money for a home of his own. Admirable. However... he has never left home and he's 36.
You know, I get that it's a thing now, this staying at home for financial reasons. But, yeah, I can't really get behind that in a partner. It wasn't my way, and I'm one of those people looking for someone who's similar to me. Not knockin' it for whoever's working it - but I'm not dating it.
Finally, from Ari's place I clicked on Lady Mathematician. Loved that, so: Click. She got me with her post Breaking up is hard to do... and it ain't about lovers, it's about friends:
Last night I had drinks with a friend, one I've been trying to distance myself from. Of course, she accused me and instead of being honest with her, I ended up caving and apologizing for not being sufficiently attentive.
The truth is, I'm not good at the the truth. Not if it involves telling someone I don't want them in my life anymore. I can tell unpleasant truths to friends if they really need to hear it, sometimes. But breaking up with someone, a friend or more than a friend, is almost impossible for me. I sort of tune out, don't call, find myself too busy to make plans. I suppose I decide that if I don't want to be involved with someone, if I simply disengage, they should pick up my cues.
Well, how else do you change a friendship, really? So often, the drama that would be involved in actually "breaking up with a friend" just seems unwise, or not worth the drama. Most people accept the ebbs and flows of friendship and move on with their own lives gracefully. Some, not so much. It's an interesting topic, breaking up with friends. I loved Laurie's recent BlogHer post all about it. I've got a brain gerbil going on that one.
But for now, I'm just enjoying the surf...
