The Sexy

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and that article. I really liked how he says: “sex is enjoyable, but it’s also pretty serious." That's what I am getting at too.

Yes, you are mentioning the larger issues that I was getting at. They are big problems but I'm hopeful we can address them in our lifetime.

You sound so engaged and smart and hopeful. I'm hoping over to your site to check out what you blog about!

Heather blogs about Motherhood & Other Offensive Situations at http://www.ultimateoutcasts.com.

This is extremely interesting to me. I did hear that mothers get paid less on the dollar for the same job than your average women. & your average women gets paid less on the dollar for the same job than a man. Still.
This really blows me away. I hope to see some improvement as more women get educated and join the work force - this is the reason I am going into Human Resources as well as getting my degree. More & more women are getting a post secondary education; in fact, in many schools in North America, the statistics are around 60% female, 40% male in colleges.
This, in some peoples opinion, is terrible.
But personally, I think it's great. Maybe this way women, especailly mothers, will be "equal" (or, at least, more equal), because of the increase women in the business field. Maybe with more women getting a post secondary education, there will be less glass ceilings and "old boys clubs" in the workforce, and more fairness. & maybe, because of the education differences, there will be more stay - at -home dads (because they'll be making less due to less education). Which, in my opinion, would be fantastic.
A book that really blew me away:
Half the Sky.
I believe I blogged about it at some point on my blogspot blog. It's amazing how women are treated in this world. I encourage you to read it if you haven't already.
Also, I'm constantly blown away by this article, by a man, on his blog: http://jasonlinden.wordpress.com/2010/10/26/when-m...

It gives me a bit of hope for our society.

Anyway, thanks for the reply.

I really appreciate that you took the time to comment. I was hoping to generate conversation this way. Never apologize for your thoughts -- never! :)

First, I don't know if you've visited my website but it is everything about mothers. I make a distinction between women and mothers for a reason. And it is because as you pointed out, we have access to equal opportunities but when you are a mom you do not live as an equal in society.

I have a post I'm working on about the term "equal" as you and I have been raised to hear it. In many ways our perceptions of being equal have been to our detriment as our society has learned the hard way: men do not want to and will not be able to be the mothers in society -- they will not meet our needs unless we choose to have babies with men who present these characteristics prior to having sex with them.

We are the only ones capable of birthing baby. Conversely men have their strengths. We need to learn to balance them and work with them.

You are right, women have been punished for being women. My goal with this post is to point out that if we want men to make good choices AS fathers, WE need to make good choices as to who we pick to be those fathers. It's a very powerful position to be in --to create life -- but we do not train our daughters to think that way free of the influences of religion.

I believe that women liberated in every way (especially sexually) is sign of a society's progress. That means being liberated from outside (male) sexual influences. The post was not about limiting a woman's freedom explore sexuality but to do it responsibly.

While we hope and want males to be the great fathers they should be, you are right that depends on how they are raised. My entire angle is that a successful society does not rely on its men for women to be able to provide for their children.Men can be out of the picture for a variety of reasons: death, divorce, irresponsible...on and on. A mother should still be able to provide for her child. This is about men as well as big system and economic issues that need fundamental changes.

Men do not want to be our equals so we have to change our system. Mothers are the "ultimateoutcasts" (see my site) because our needs are at the core of society and so rarely addressed.

I believe that it takes a village to raise a child. It takes a supportive society to empower women. Sexual influence and acts are very powerful and have major impacts. Our girls need to understand that.

Heather blogs about Motherhood & Other Offensive Situations at http://www.ultimateoutcasts.com.

I may be a little late on this topic.
I don't mean to offend anybody, at all, ever, but:

a) The idea & phrase that girls have gone wild (sorry, I can't remember how it was put in this article) is a little disapointing. Boys have always acted out - they've always acted as they wanted to - pressured girls into sex, picked on them, hit them when they were young (& then, adults would just blame this on a crush), they're more likely to rape, commit crime, do drugs, etc. The idea that *some* (NOT ALL!) girls are starting to act / dress provocatively is largely to do with what the boys thier age are pressuring them to do - I know, because I am young. I am in my early 20's - I know what is was like to be 15. So, maybe society is scorning "sexy" girls because of all sorts of religious things which devalue women - or maybe they're just surprise. Because girls were supposed to be good. But whatever the reason, we need to look at the cause.

b) THis is a problem on many, many levels - not just the girls level.
I hear so many times when discussing the gender of thier babies, that they're glad they got a boy - because they're "easier".
I've heard many (even women!!!) state that they can't get knocked up, and thus must be the better sex to parent.
Heres the flaw in that medival thinking:
1. It takes a boy to make a baby. A boy & a girl. It takes his sperm; her egg. Just because a woman has to grow it in her body, carry it around for months, & give birth, does not mean she got herself pregnant. Teenaged girls get pressured into sex. Then when they get pregnant because of that pressure, it's on them. Not the boy who pressured them, knocked them up, and also was 1/2 the reason birth control wasn't used.

2. I personally would rather have a child - male or female - who took responsibility for their actions. The reason why many parents think it's easier to have a boy because they can't get knocked up, is because many of those boys run away from thier new babies, or thier potential babies, or thier problems. They aren't there for the child - they leave the mom, or get to go to college, or go to frat parties every weekend while the baby's mom is at home taking care of thier kid.
Because we are women - because we are "maternal" - because we gave birth to the baby, we shoulder it. These 16 year old girls have to take care of a baby, let thier dreams go, give up thier childhoods to raise a child themselves - all by themselves, even though they didn't get themselves into the situation alone. It takes two, like I said, to have a baby.
So, if I had a son who got his girlfriend pregnant at 16, & he ran away from the problem? Well, lets just say, I'd rather have 4 knocked up 16 year old daughters - cause at least I would know I raised something who will take responsibility for thier actions.

I'm not saying this all to say that "boys are bad and girls are good". No, not at all.
I'm saying we're equal.
I'm saying that, for every action there is a reaction. Maybe nobody ever stopped to think that this behaviour from our girls is a reaction to the behaviour from our boys.

And who says sexy is bad? Who says women can't express thier sexuality? Men can, & it isn't scorned.

Thats all.
Sorry If I offend.

I can see how my previous comment would garner this response. My mom was a single and 17 when I was born. Witnessing her experience as a mother(and understanding how difficult you must have had it even 20 or so years later) really informs everything I write about and the decisions I made as her daughter.

I 100% agree with you about the fairness aspect, that boys are held to their responsibilities. I hope I didn't lead anyone to believe that they shouldn't be.

The fact is we can do both: promote healthy sexuality influenced by women/mothers and expect we expect our boys/men to participate in the process. I believe it actually would strengthen our expectations of men.

I am not promoting a unrealistic aspect of chastity between either sex. But I noticed that even married and with my son, that my husband had a choice to be with me and be a father. He did not have the same responsibilities that I had as the mother.
My most important choice was to choose him to share in this role with me. In this way, I had power over this situation.

There were times I thank my lucky stars I didn't have a baby with another man...but I risked it, just like alot of girls do. I think I would have taken less risks if I had more value for the potential outcome. We need to be sure we make sure that men take care of their responsibilities but we need to embrace an idea that women have the power to make better choices.

Heather blogs about Motherhood & Other Offensive Situations at http://www.ultimateoutcasts.com.

I still disagree. As someone who got pregnant and was treated horribly, you pose one good point: boys/men don't have the same set(s) of consequences that girls/women do. And I'm saying, loud and clear, THAT ISN'T RIGHT.

Until we start a conversation that our boys/men need to be equally responsible for consequences and actions regarding sexuality -- whether that's a case of STD's, a reputation issue or providing for an unplanned pregnancy and subsequent child support -- we are dooming our girls to keep fronting the consequences on their own. That doesn't seem fair at all.

Until we turn the tables on the boys get to have sex for fun but girls should remain chaste conversation and make it about mutual respect and responsibility, nothing will change. If parents of children with both genders are willing to have these conversations, and not just tell girls to behave and boys to be quiet while doing it, we'll make more headway than promoting one gender's cause over the other's.

Contributing Editor Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )) blogs at Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ). She is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

Hi Jenna,

Mistakes are inevitable but this conversation makes me wonder do we really need to make all of them? I guess this is where I admit I have regretted a few things. I am not better for them. I knew I should not have done them then. Some were a real waste of time.

You bring up a good point about both genders but I think girls tend to look more within their culture (whether religious or not) for behavioral cues. I agree it is about both sexes but sex has different implications for either gender. Men have always been more carefree in this way but women only more recently. We are still processing this freedom.

From my personal experience, I found it confusing to think of myself with sexual freedom but then getting hit (painfully) overhead with the Do Not Get Pregnant Because It's Bad warnings. Boys I don't think are conflicted in the same way. I think if moms teach their girls to have higher standards in males an in themselves then everyone will make more appropriate decisions.

Thanks again for your comment! I'm excited because this is my first featured post on the site. The comments help me sharpen -- or change -- my perspective.

Heather blogs about Motherhood & Other Offensive Situations at http://www.ultimateoutcasts.com.

I kind of agree with Victoria. While I had no guidance in this area and made, uh, many mistakes, I'm not foolish enough to believe that my guidance will lead my children to make no mistakes. I can be proactive. I can talk until I'm blue in the face. I can stress the importance of all of the right things. I can be open and honest. And they can still use their free will to do what they want, when they want.

More over, this isn't just about women. Young boys are having sex, too. And unless we're educating and empowering both genders to make appropriate decisions -- and how to deal with consequences of mistakes when they make in appropriate decisions -- we're setting both genders up for failure.

Contributing Editor Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )) blogs at Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ). She is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

Personally, the best learned mistake I made was when I was in my early 20's but the trend is to start making those mistakes starting at 13. I could have done without the bad boyfriend in my teens. It sure was a waste of time. I didn't learn from it. I had to repeat the mistake when I was mature enough to get it.

Thanks for bringing that up because for many it takes a few awful experiences to get to the right place. You have a good point.

Cheers Victoria! Great to see you again.

Heather blogs about Motherhood & Other Offensive Situations at http://www.ultimateoutcasts.com.

I thought that word was dead and buried. Thanks for bringing it back!

Heather blogs about Motherhood & Other Offensive Situations at http://www.ultimateoutcasts.com.

Perhaps, more education is necessry,to teach young woman about the importance of empowerment. Sometimes, it's hard for young woman to ignore media campaigns...

But looking back about some of the bad boy choices I made... I have no regrets, it's made me appreciate my Mr.Right choice, and my life even more :)

Great stuff on young women and their sexualality. Thanks for speaking out. I does take powerful moms and fathers to impart a strong sense of self in these young ladies. Properly equipped they will know how to choose their friends and protect their virture! Keep speaking out.