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She vs. Her: The Decision About Circumcision

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Why I Chose Not to Circumcise My Son


Circumcision is part of my Jewish cultural heritage. All of my relatives -- my father, uncles, and older brothers -- are circumcised.

Yet after researching circumcision, witnessing it, hearing from men who feel badly about not being given the choice, and talking to women whose husbands are intact, I now believe circumcision is a procedure that should not be done in infancy.

Most parents don’t watch their baby being circumcised and don’t know that the procedure causes excruciating pain, even with anesthesia. Since the foreskin is attached to the head of the penis, like a fingernail attached to the nail bed, it has to be forcibly pried away. Imagine someone separating a newborn’s nail from the nail bed by inserting a metal object between the two.

Circumcision can be dangerous. In March 2009, an Atlanta jury awarded $1.8 million in damages to the parents after a botched circumcision.

It's also a procedure that can cause lasting regret. My cousin so laments being circumcised that he tries to dissuade the rest of the family from doing it.

My husband never really thought about it until our son was born. After reading extensively, he said, "I feel gypped. I could have made my own decision as a teenager if my parents had left well enough alone."

Arguments in favor of circumcision are supposedly based on scientific research.

Recent health studies in Africa suggest that circumcised heterosexual men are less likely to contract HIV than non-circumcised counterparts. But if they wear a condom, circumcision makes no difference.

Proponents argue that urinary tract infections are less likely, it’s necessary for cleanliness, and preventative of penile cancer. Yet the American Academy of Pediatricians claims the medical data “are not sufficient to recommend routine neonatal circumcision.”

The male foreskin is not a superfluous body part: It protects the penis when a boy is a child and also plays a key role in male and female pleasure when a boy is a man.

If there’s really a correlation with STDs, then adult men can choose to have the procedure done once they’re sexually active.

Bucking a cultural legacy of thousands of years, we did not circumcise our son.

If he chooses circumcision as an adult, either for medical or cultural reasons, that’s his decision.

As a contributing editor for Mothering magazine and an investigative journalist, Jennifer Margulis exposes how corporations and private interests skew the way we parent. She has championed the rights of children on PBS Frontline and on live prime-time TV in France. She was recently featured in an AP story about unassisted birth, and has been quoted in many major parenting magazines, including Pregnancy, Parenting, Parents, family.com, and on MSNBC.com.

Why I Chose to Circumcise My Son


Think about the man in your life: What do you think he would say if you asked him to name the first body part that came to mind? Do you think he's going to say it's his elbow? No, he's probably going to say it's his penis.

The male penis has become a very sensitive topic (pun intended), especially when it comes to circumcision. Whether or not to circumcise infant boys has gone from a private decision between parents, to a very vocal and public debate.

I have two sons and they were both circumcised. I didn't take the decision lightly and I didn't want to hurt my kids. There were a number of points I considered before my husband and I talked about our choices and ultimately decided to circumsize:

There are medical benefits to circumcision: Circumcision can reduce the risk of penile cancer and in a previous study, a research team found that circumcision could reduce the risk of HIV infection or other sexually transmitted diseases.

It's painful: Yes, I'm sure it is. But so was the punch the nurses did to my baby's heel to draw blood, and oh, yeah, so was childbirth! I'm sorry but having those kids was probably the most painful, but very best thing I ever did.

Appearance: I don't agree that it's vain to want a father and son to have bodies that appear the same. I didn't want my son to feel different from his father, because children notice these things and at a very early age. I didn't want my sons to question it or wonder why they were different.

My child can't voice what

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Locuta de Bjorg 5 pts

The real reason why this woman and presumably the father of the children decided to have medically UNETHICAL cosmetic surgery done on their sons' penises is conformity. All of the other stuff is rationalizing and an attempt to justify of an emotional decision.
If the father of the boys had lost a leg in a car accident before becoming a father, would they have had a doctor amputate one of the boys' legs as well so they would match? This "father-son matching penis" argument is one of the saddest and weirdest aspects of medicalized circumcision. It serves only to perpetuate this senseless genital mutilation custom to a new generation. Also, is fathers and sons comparing their junk really a big activity in American families? Because if it is, we are in bigger trouble than previously thought.
As far as penile cancer goes, it's extremely rare -- an American man of any foreskin status has a greater chance of developing breast cancer -- and like any cancer can be treated, especially if it is caught early. (So get your junk checked, guys) It happens, rarely, in both circumcised and intact men. Teeth develop cavities and sometimes need root canals or even to be extracted. We do not pull out a child's teeth to prevent these things to happen later in life. Why dot we accept amputating the normal, healthy, necessary foreskin as some sort of "preventive" procedure? It's based on old, discredited thinking, namely the demonization of the foreskin by the Victorians, Jews and Muslims. It needs to stop.
The only person who has the right to decide on genital modification is the ADULT owner of the genitals.

Angie McGowan 5 pts

of you. This is a personal matter. I would like to say though I wish doctors would explain research articles. Many articles are very biased. For an unbiased view on any topic, I always consult, cochrane. I know if doctors practiced true evidence based medicine and stopped trying to please everyone, male circumcision would be just as taboo as female. Thank goodness most state's medicaid programs have stopped paying for it.

Eclectic Recipes ( http://eclecticrecipes.com )

Angus 5 pts

My father in law had one of his legs amputated in his early 20's due to numerous injuries that meant his leg would never heal properly.
My husband did not. No one felt he should "look like" his dad.
We have 4 boys, they are what they are, regardless of what their male ancestors look like.
I always get images of people picturing my husbands penis when they ask about the boys. Kinda skeevy if you ask me.

Reader22 5 pts

In response to Desi regarding the comparison of FGM and MGM. Yes, some females do have their entire vulva hacked off and then sewn up with a small opening which is then enlarged with a knife after marriage so that she can engage in intercourse. And, yes, there are all many of risks for infection, death, etc.

However, that is not the only method of FGM, and Africa is not the only place in which FGM is practiced (it was practiced here in the US until 1997 when the ban went into effect). The most severe form of FGM is the method talked about most widely simply b/c of it's severity. However, the majority of cases of FGM are actually less severe. These methods range from a pinprick to draw a drop of blood from the clitoris to removal of the clitoral hood to cliterodectomies to 'snips' of the labia to removal of the entire vulva and more in between.

I don't think any of those should be done to anyone, and I wholeheartedly agree with the complete ban on FGM. However, standard male circumcision in the US removes 30% - 50% of the penis (one should always keep in mind that a baby's penis is very small so anything removed will of course be smaller than adults or someone who is old enough to have hit puberty...but not when you break it down into ratios/percentages of the whole) yet a significant portion of Americans think there is nothing wrong with that.

How can anyone say that cutting, slicing, and even just pricking any part of a girl's genitals is wrong, yet it is okay to cut off a significant portion of a boy's penis? The justifications given for FGM are the exact same justifications given for male circumcision.

As for anesthesia. The majority of circumcisions are still performed without anesthesia b/c anesthesia is contraindicated for babies. It is dangerous for babies to receive anesthesia; even the anesthetic cream that is sometimes used is contraindicated. Using this on babies can cause serious illness and even death which is why it is not standard.

As for the cleanliness factor someone mentioned: cleaning an intact penis is no harder than cleaning a vulva. During baby- and childhood, the foreskin is attached to the glans by a membrane. The penis simply needs to be wiped off and that's it. The foreskin becomes retractable as the boy gets older, generally approaching puberty, but it can happen earlier or later. Once the foreskin is retractable, he simply retracts it and rinses. Soap isn't even required. (In reality, neither males nor females should clean their genitals with soap. The genitals are self-cleansing and using soap interferes with that, causing irritation and can lead to UTIs). Besides, females produce far more smegma than males, yet we don't think it's right to cut off their labia to make the area easier to clean, do we?

Yes, intact boys are more likely to get a UTI, but the reality is that it's by a slim margin. Literally, ONE out 100 circumcised boys will get a UTI in the first year while TWO out of 100 intact boys will get a UTI in the first year. That difference is not enough to justify hacking off part of his penis.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDuDhkiDdns

The above is a link to a video of circumcision in a hospital. Watch and listen and tell me you don't think circumcision is mutilation and torture. Tell me you've actually heard a baby make this noise. Almost as bad is listening to the father plead with the doctor to help him comfort his son. You can hear the father say he thought the procedure involved anesthesia and the doctor debunking that. You can't see the baby's head, but you can hear him gurgling on his own vomit b/c he's screaming so hard (the doctor even makes a comment that makes it obvious the baby really did vomit).

I don't think it's disrespectful to provide information to dispel myths and misinformation in an effort to protect innocent children from being mutilated out of ignorance on the part of their parents.

Julie Adolf 5 pts

With my first son, I didn't think twice about it--that is, I didn't think. At all. Circumcision was presented as the norm, I was a young, new mom, and I just didn't inform myself about the pros and cons.

Fast forward 15 years...and our third child, a boy, is born. After he spent several months trying to make an early appearance, he was born at 35 weeks. The doctor informed us that he was too small for in-hospital circumcision and that we needed to wait until he was three months old.

The thought of putting our perfectly healthy son through surgery after all he had been through in NICU appalled me. We decided against the surgery.

theoutcast 5 pts

Prefering men intact is a worthwhile conversation to have considering there's a plethora of lubes and equipment we can buy to "heighten" sexual experiences in America. Foreskin is free. Our sons will be sexual one day. Men citing the 'appearance' concern may consider 'partner pleasure' worthwhile enough to keep their sons intact.

As far as cleanliness goes, I never understood the difference until my son but it is no harder than cleaning a girl. Not at all. Some guys may get lazy about it but maybe some girls do too.

Heather blogs about Motherhood & Other Offensive Situations at http://www.ultimateoutcasts.com.

randamace 5 pts

I feel no guilt whatsoever for circumsizing my son. The procedure was quick, expertly performed and the baby stopped crying within a minute.

Before having my son, I got a lot of bad feedback about circumsizing my son. One of the most bizarre arguments was "I prefer men intact". First of all, I would never use my sexual preference to make that decision. Second of all, intact men I have been with. Cleanliness is a HUGE commitment.

Considering my son barely agrees to wash his hands... I would prefer to circumsize him at birth and make it easier to clean and prevent UTI's and whatnot.

The biggest factor is the stories of men who got circumsized later in life. It's extremely painful and definitely doesn't heal the same. I doubt my boy will hold this against me.

TLCTugger 5 pts

If I caught wind of my mom flippantly talking about having part of me amputated I would want to just shake her and say "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?"

This is my body. It's healthy and normal. If I want something cut off later nothing is stopping me. If I wished to have a whole penis like 4/5 of the world (and like 2/3 of today's US babies) the only thing stopping me might be your arrogant decision to steal my decision.

There is not one national medical association on earth (not even Israel's) that endorses routine circumcision.

Desi Valentine 5 pts

Perhaps things are done differently where you are, but my son was given anesthetic and pain medication, as well as aftercare by both the operating doctor and attendant nurses during the 10 days that passed while his tiny wound healed. He has had no issues with attachment, no issues with bonding, and nursed exclusively until his first birthday. He is one child, so I cannot say that he represents all circumcised boys.
However, as a woman whose father was born in AFRICA, I will tell you that there is no comparison between female circumcision and male circumcision. None. My son lost 3 grams of skin when he was 4 days old in a sterile hospital surgical suite in a 30 second procedure performed by a paediatric surgical specialist with paediatric nursing specialists in attendance. Women who are circumcised in developing countries lose all of their external genitalia after the onset of menses, usually between the ages of 11 and 13. The environment is rarely sterile, the surgical equipment is often made from glass or reclaimed metal, and the practitioner is almost never a medical doctor. Significantly more than 3 grams of tissue are lost. The resulting scar tissue impedes the progress of natural labour and delivery, which can sometimes result in the deaths of both the infant and the mother. After successful delivery, circumcised women are often "repaired" to result in a tighter vaginal opening in order to maintain the sexual pleasure of their husbands. Risk of infection is very high, and women and girls do die from the procedure, or from complications arising thereof.
I respectfully request that you check your data, as there are gross inaccuracies. And out of respect to the women who have exercised such care to avoid a needlessly inflammatory discussion, this will be my final point, here.

jboursaw 5 pts

Wow, hot topic here. Love reading everyone's thoughts. Hmmm... I say leave it up to the kid and let them decide when they get older.

Family Entertainment Writer, Film Gecko ( http://www.filmgecko.net ) / Reel Life With Jane ( http://www.reellifewithjane.com ). Email jboursaw@charter.net for family movie/TV reviews.

Reader22 5 pts

For those who think circumcision comes down to parental preference, do you think female circumcision is a matter of parental preference? Should the ban on female genital mutilation be repealed? How can it be justified that one is okay and the other is not?

Newborns are just as receptive to pain as are adults--the difference being that adults receive anesthesia and newborns do not. Ripping off someone's fingernail/shoving anything underneath the fingernail is recognized as a form of torture. Yet, this is exactly what is done to the foreskin of a baby's penis b/c the foreskin is attached to the glans by a membrane (the foreskin has to be ripped away in order to be cut off, so they slice it then twist in a probe all the way around to detach the membrane). Oh, and those babies who seem unaffected by the circumcision? Studies monitoring vitals and brain activity have shown those babies are in a state of acute shock.

As for the supposed medical benefits, do the research and actually process it. ~200 men die each year from penile cancer--almost all of them being over the age of 70. Breast cancer is far more deadly, so why don't we cut off all girls' breasts at puberty as a preventive for breast cancer? Not to mention that more than 200 babies die of circumcision complications every year. 200 men who've lived long lives vs. 200+ babies who haven't lived at all? Is there really a question there?

In terms of HIV and STI prevention. First: Not one study has shown conclusively that circumcision prevents HIV or other STI's. For every study that says it does, another says it doesn't. For those that do say circumcision is preventative, you really have to read the methodology b/c these studies have serious flaws in methodology which then negate the conclusions. Secondly: Even if these studies were correct and circumcision does prevent HIV/STI's, you have to consider the logistics. The subjects in these studies come from very high-risk populations (very high HIV/STI transmission rates and very low or non-existent condom use) in AFRICA, and yet the prevention is very low (Ex: 73 prevented out of 5,000+ subjects in one study, and all the studies report similarly low rates of prevention). This means that in the US, where HIV transmission is extremely low in comparison and condom use is high, you would have to circumcision TENS of 1,000's (or more) of men to prevent just one case of HIV.

The immediate risks of circumcision include death, blood loss (a baby's body holds about a soda can's worth of blood, a loss of only 2 tbsp requires a blood transfusion), infection, and botched circumcisions (this can be as severe as the entire penis being cut off--it has happened) to name a few. What many people don't think about are the long-term risks/complications. Circumcision affects babies' ability to bond w/ mother and other caretakers, it affects ability to successfully breastfeed, it decreases babies' threshold for pain. Some babies develop adhesions from 'loose' circumcisions and are subjected to caretakers, doctors, etc repeatedly and painfully pulling back the skin that has adhered, creating open wounds vulnerable to infection. Often, these babies are subjected to more surgery to remove even more skin (even though the best thing is to leave it alone and let the adhesions release (usually painlessly) on their own as the boy grows).

There are also other long-term complications for adults. The decreased sensitivity and changes in the mechanics of sex caused by circumcision actually contribute to the sexual dysfunction of both circumcised males and their partners. I've already made this too long to really get into the details of the sexual purpose of the foreskin, but there is a real purpose to it and it does cause actual changes in the way men have sex. A good book to read is "Sex as nature intended it" by Kristen O'Hara, that really gets into detail explaining how the penis perceives pleasure via the foreskin. Another thing to point out is that once fully grown, a male's foreskin is the size of 3" x 5" index card. The foreskin is more sensitive than the tips of the fingers or even the lips. The nerves left after circumcision are only sensitive to pressure and pain. That is an extreme amount pleasure perception capability that is gone forever. Men who have been circumcised as adults compare to going from only color tv to only black and white tv. . . forever. (I should also point out that medically necessary circumcision is rare and not nearly so common as some try to say).

There is also a lot of interesting research being done concerning long-term psychological effects on circumcised men in terms of ability to trust, form intimate (non-sexual) bonds, levels of aggression, etc b/c these are all disrupted by the pain of circumcision after birth. There are actual physiological changes that occur at this critical point of development as a result of the body's response to such excrutiating pain. It's research that is definitely worth monitoring.

Anyone who does the research and puts it into perspective can see that the supposed benefits of circumcision do not in any way outweigh the risks b/c the risks are just so far-reaching.

Last thing: For those who think the penis twins argument is in any way valid. . . ask every male you know if they checked out their dad's penis and compared it to theirs. I've never heard of someone doing it, but women sure as hell think they do. (I think women, who have never had a penis and don't actually know that much about them as a result, make far too many assumptions about what it's like to have a penis). A child's penis doesn't look like an adult penis, anyway, and, by the time the kid is old enough to look anything like an adult penis, they are way beyond checking out their dad or comparing.

Sorry for the length, but I find it impossible to sit in silence in the face of such blase attitudes and ignorance when it comes to the mutilation and torture of babies (I'm not saying that antagonistically, just that that is simply the way many are b/c they simply do not have that much information, let alone accurate information, regarding the subject b/c of the attitude this society has cultivated in regard to penises).

This is a human rights' issue, not a parental choice issue and the only resolution is education. So, I urge all of you. . . educate yourselves (and don't just read some facts in a biased article, read the studies, think about them critically, get real numbers and percentages, and put the information into perspective) and spread your knowledge to educate others.

thecookiemomma 5 pts

We had our son circumcised by a Moyel, and it wasn't as painful or traumatizing as it really could have been. It was a quick procedure, and I nursed him almost immediately after.

Our reasoning for going through the procedure was that it was a mark of our faith, just like having both my children baptized as infants. I also had read about the possibilities of more infections, etc, and felt that may have been a reason for the procedure in the first place.

My sister chose not to circumcise her son. I totally respect that. I agree with some of the previous commenters that this was a really well done debate without a lot of the QQ that surrounds this issue.

Sara is a stay-at-home mom who works as a nursery attendant for her church. She blogs in The Bright Corner ( http://sunsaralyn.livejournal.com ), and tweets as thecookiemomma ( http://twitter.com/#/thecookiemomma ).

Desi Valentine 5 pts

My husband and I had our son circumcised because we did our research and made the best decision we could for him. We read the studies on penile cancer, we read the studies on STD's, we knew boys who had to have the procedure as older children due to infected or adhered foreskin and saw how difficult it was for them. We do not believe that every boy tells their parents when they become sexually active, nor do we believe that every sexually active boy wears a condom every time they have sex. So we decided to try to protect him from those risks. For all of those reasons, I think it's ridiculous to dismiss circumcision as a cosmetic procedure.

However, I don't think I have the right (or the wisdom) to tell you what is best for your son. Outside of this discussion, I have witnessed all manner of righteous fury over who is right and who is wrong here. Considering how many adult men, both circumcised and not, who have healthy, productive, happy lives, I'm sure most of our boys will be just fine.

KMayer 5 pts

After birth of #3 girl, I had the horror of witnessing a circumcision procedure while I nursed her in the necu. Broke my heart and swore we'd never do that to our kid.#4 was a boy, and stood by that. When people asked during diaper changes or naked romps - rudely - if his dad was or wasn't - i replied he was. They always said, "what are you going to tell him?" A friend (circumcised friend) said wisely, "tell him you loved him enough not to hack off half his penis."

Kathykate (p/t copywriter, f/t mom)

Diary of a Return-to-Work Mom ( http://www.returntoworkmom.com/ )

GIntegrity 5 pts

LucindaA's commented that babies do not experience pain the same way adults do because of an immature nervous system. Current research debunks this claim. Not only do they experience pain as intensely as adults, but having to endure painful procedures in infancy lowers their pain threshold for the future: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/09/09092...

If a grown man wants circumcision, he can get general anesthesia and powerful medicines for pain after surgery. Neither of these are advisable for infants. They don't have the benefit of keeping their fresh wound out of their soiled diapers either.

Jill Miller Zimon 5 pts

We did it at a bris, one after each of my boys were born. They were fine, we were fine - my father almost passed out.

I'm with the it's a personal decision crowd and the this is a very respectful conversation about a topic that gets many people very riled up.

(Btw, are you sure about the most parents don't watch their sons being circumsized? I'd never heard that before.)

Jill Writes Like She Talks ( http://www.writeslikeshetalks.com )

In The Arena: Jill Miller Zimon, Pepper Pike City Council Member ( http://jillmillerzimon.blogspot.com )

Milestonemom 5 pts

I grew up without a religious foundation. As an adult, I feel left out during religious ceremonies which I have no knowledge of. When I finally married and was able to get pregnant I made the decision to give my son a religious background. That meant a circumcision and Bar Mitzvah.

I actually had the ceremony in my home and it moved me to tears. My son got a topical anesthetic. We dipped his binky in wine, which he loved. He seemed unfazed by the entire process.

This was a personal decision. I needed to do it for my son to be Bar Mitzvahed. But I would have done it anyway with out the ceremony for the reasons cited my Melissa Ford. As a therapist I know the problems associated with any kind of disability. No one can anticipate an accident and its repercussions. Independence is key to self-esteem. And it is definitely easier for a young boy to clean a circumcised penis independently.

As my grandmother used to say "to each his own". Everyone is entitled to make the decision that keeps their conscience at rest.

Nancy Konigsberg is a pediatric occupational therapist specialing in child development ( http://www.milestonemom.com ) and baby milestones.  She has a blog called Milestone Mom ( http://www.milestonemom.com )

theoutcast 5 pts

I appreciate that this conversation is very respectful.

But to the point of circumcising in case a possible injury when a child is older and unable to properly clean oneself is certainly a situation a girl could find herself in as well. Isn't it?

While it's personal and there are instances of medical issues (preventable or not in our western medicine?), I think this shared information is essential because in America we are not raised aware of the benefits of the keeping a boy intact.

Heather blogs about Motherhood & Other Offensive Situations at http://www.ultimateoutcasts.com.

JennaHatfield 6 pts

I? Don't discuss this topic online as I've seen it get too heated for people to even understand each other and/or make sense anymore. So I commend you both for tackling it in a rather non-confrontational manner.

Contributing Editor Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )) blogs at Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ). She is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

The Town Crier 5 pts

Someone once gave me great advice which was that when making decisions, don't look at just what you know now, but think about possibilities in the future and how your decision will impact that.

The point she made about circumcision was that she didn't get her son circumcised. Then there was an accident and while her son has the capabilities of washing himself and urinating alone, he cannot clean his penis well by himself. So at age 12, he has to endure his mother (his primary caregiver) cleaning his penis for him. Her options are either to keep up this situation, which causes him a great deal of embarrassment, or to circumcise him now, something much more painful than it would have been when he was a baby.

The point is not that you should live your life as if terrible things might happen in the future, but that small decisions now may have a very different impact down the road. For every story of a man who wishes he wasn't circumcised, there is also a story of someone who wishes they were.

Beyond gently pointing out ideas that people may have missed that could help them make a decision, I think any discussion that one way of doing things is "best" is ridiculous -- and I feel that way about the pro-circumcision and the anti-circumcision camps.

How about allowing families to make personal decisions that work best with their beliefs and needs and not standing in judgment?

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

empathetic 5 pts

I believe that this is a decision best left to the parents of the child and is not really the concern of others, nor should any judgment ensue.

On a personal level I originally thought that we would leave well enough alone however, my husband, father, father-in-law and brother-in-law all have had issues as grown men with a small tear that can occur during sex itself which then would require a few days to heal. (OK - we're a very open family!). My husband decided to have a circumsion performed as an adult and it was an extremely painful recovery requiring more than 50 stitches.

We have both decided now, should we ever have a son, to have a circumsion performed.

Just_Margaret 5 pts

Interesting point-counterpoint.

I am a bit fascinated by the debate in general--Why are so many people concerned with the status of my healthy, happy seven year old son's phallus? Circumcision is a medical procedure that is straightforward enough that a Rabbi can perform it outside of a medical facility.

My family is not Jewish, and my son was circ'd in the hospital. He has an older brother (not my biological child) and a father both of whom are circ'd as well. It wasn't about creating a 'matched set' or 'penis twins', but we weighed the pros and cons before we decided and ultimately chose the circumcision.

So I'm curious, why exactly is this everyone else's business?

~Margaret

Just Margaret ( http://maurhoffbarney.blogspot.com )

sstiavetti 5 pts

Not being a guy, I always figured that I would leave this decision up to the father of my children, but as I've gotten older, I see circumcision as a somewhat barbaric practice. Still, though, if the father of my son wanted it done, I would probably defer to him since I have no frame of reference.

Ps - I feel weird "sparkling" a post on circumcision. ;)

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ModaMama 5 pts

My husband is from the Former USSR. His male relatives were all circumcised as adults in secret under surveillance from the KGB, without any anesthesia and had to return home (as if unaffected) immediately following the back alley procedure. 20 mins was safe, anything over meant a raid on the practicioner and patient. The act alone was a crime and punishable by imprisonment.

My husband's procedure was Post-Soviet, in-patient surgery under general anesthesia when he was 12. He was totally unaware of the meaning of the surgery until he awoke. It was not pleasant and he was unimpressed by the social arguments for having a piece of his penis cut off. He was pissed, in pain and traumatized.

Their stories are essentially the same as any other Jewish man born and raised during the Soviet era.

These men did this to themselves and their sons not because of any health or social benefits with half-cooked scientific arguments but because it is religiously important to them as Jews. If you try to justify it as anything else it has no real point or meaning, it doesn't.

Taken outside of a religious context I wouldn't have been able to do this to my own son. It is frightening and traumatic for many mothers as well, long after the baby has seemed to forget it. We do it because it is part of who we are and it isn't always an easy choice, this is how we maintain our beliefs.

www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com ( http://www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com )

Life in the Middle East, with craft and spice

theoutcast 5 pts

Jennifer touched on this briefly but with the sexual liberation of women, I propose a study that may change the "appearance" debate. From a sexual standpoint, what do women prefer now that some have experienced both? There is a difference! It's not something people discuss openly but I prefer my guy to be intact.

I really don't know the circumstances that could prevent a circumcision when a boy is older, but I have heard from my son's doctor that she sees 10 girls for every boy with a problem. We would be horrified if such measures where taken with our girls.

<>Heather blogs about Motherhood & Other Offensive Situations at http://www.ultimateoutcasts.com.

LucindaA 5 pts

The idea that a man would choose to be circumcised later in life is absurd. My dad was circumcised when he was 12. Not by choice but by need. He said it was the most painful thing he has ever experienced. He strongly encouraged us to circumcise our son. I have spoken to at least two other men who were circumcised as adults and they too say it was by far the most painful experience of their lives.

Babies do not experience pain the same way adults do. Their nervous system is not fully developed. If it were, the first time they fell from learning to walk would probably discourage them to try again. So the pain argument, while valid, is often missing this vital piece of information.

zanepaul 5 pts

we did not circumcise our son because we couldn't find any compelling reasons for it (not being jews).

it is essentially a cosmetic procedure, done in hospitals for appearance sake, and if insurance stopped covering it i bet most americans would stop circumcising their sons. if more of us stopped doing it, an intact penis would be the norm--and more and more, that is becoming the case as parents question the "necessity" of this painful procedure.

birth is a jarring adjustment for a tiny babe who has spent nine cozy months in the womb. why inflict intentional pain on a child's most sensitive parts--and rob him of his body's natural sensitivity in his future sexual relationships?

(our friends' son also suffered a "botched" circumcision and had to endure a second surgery to correct something that was perfectly fine to begin with!)

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so much shouting, so much laughter ( http://somuchshoutingsomuchlaughter.com/ ) | faith and mothering, naturally

shelrael 5 pts

It is one thing for the nurse to "punch" your son's heel upon childbirth, quite another to take a knife to him: one is temporary and the other is permanent. Also, we choose to go through painful, childbirth; sons do not choose that pain.

Interesting the HIV and STI argument is still being used, especially when CONDOMS, not circumcision are bigger factors in determining ones risk.

All people are different, and children need to learn at an early age that is it normal to be different, and get used to it.

I know physicians who have changed their minds about circumcision resulting in one nephew who is and one nephew isn't circumcised. From the same parents.

Mother of a son - whose status is his business.

Shelley A. Rael, MS RD LD

anotherjennifer 5 pts

This was a tough decision for me at first. I asked friends, family and doctors for opinions. I read articles. Ultimately, my husband and I decided not to circumcise our two boys. It wasn't medically necessary, and I just couldn't find a good reason to do it. I think everyone has their own opinions on the subject and as long as your comfortable with the decision you made, then it was the right one.

another jennifer ( http://anotherjennifer.com/ )
art, music, parenting, philanthropy and other musings from a working mom in brunswick, maine

denibell 5 pts

I want to mention a few things about the pro-circ stance.

As for deciding, was it really a decision to circumcise? I think it's more going with the flow. It's easy to avoid lots of things by going with the flow but are they the important things?

I think the argument about making him his dad's penis twin is bizarre. My son's face looks like mine and he acts a lot like I did when I was little --- and he doesn't have a vagina that looks like mine. Because people are different! On top of that, my husband says that he doesn't remember definitively looking at his dad's penis enough to even notice because it would be weird.

As a parent, any pain I can take on for my child I will. I cannot imagine comparing circumcision to child birth. Child birth is natural.

I believe it comes down to the fact that you can simply watch a circumcision video of a baby and you decide whether or not you would rather that happen to your child or not. Either decision has research that negates the other side.

My son is an individual and his penis doesn't need to "match" anyone's.

twirlyfry 5 pts

Maybe Amy's husband should have stretched out his foreskin to match his sons. That would have been the valiant thing to do. Medical benefits to cutting are miniscule, the benefits of foreskin is plentiful. Penile cancer is very rare, makes are more likely to get breast cancer, yet we don't remove males breasts. The U.S. has the highest incidence of STDs and HIV, it's quite obvious that circumcision doesn't prevent anything. Non-circumcising countries (basically everyone else in the world) are much more healthy and have low rates of HIV and STDs. Medical benefits is not a legitimate reason to cut off a perfectly normal, healthy part of a baby. Comparing the pain of childbirth to circumcision? Are you saying you punished your babies for causing you pain? You chose to get pregnant, they didn't choose to be born male. And in their case, it was quite unfortunate that they were.