She's 18 Next Month: This Mom Is Backing Away From Miley Cyrus Criticism

Does anybody really consider Miley Sexy? She has the body of an eight year old. And c'mon, 18 makes you an adult? No. This was proven in 1984 when congress made the national drinking age 21. All this means is that the draft age and the age of legal majority should be RAISED to 21 as well. 18 is younger then ever. Anybody know of an 18 who can support themselves the way their grandparents once did?Our society has changed to cripple it's youth until they're about 25. No one (or VERY few) are really ready to make life decisions when they're 18. If we want to change that then we'll have to change how we educate and prepare our children. Until then, 18 is NOT an adult. Legal or no.

She may be legal, but she's still a "teen" and therefore she's still a young kid. A kid who looks like just another foolish talentless tramp who can't be famous for anything but what's inside her knickers.

We can't help that the entertainment industry doesn't see women as anything more than decorations. And "women" like Miley only help to instill that by refusing by selling out.

http://feistywoman.net

are even remotely connected.

As much as I want to condemn a young woman who is crawling around a set, pouting in her underwear, desperately beckoning to the camera in her plastic high heels and preening forward to show her breasts - it all causes nothing but laughter when she opens her mouth and Alvin the Chipmunk's big sister starts caterwauling. She's about as provocative as a sleep aid and is a mere copy of all that have gone before and all that will come again. She's like your embarrassing sister who got the keys to her pinto and started dating the local bad boy (called Joe Bob Jimmy Dee). Annoying maybe, but a harmless trend that offers far more giggles and groans than fear of our daughters running off with J.B.J.D's first cousin.

I'd be more nervous of my kids watching Jessica Rabbit.

I don't think we should call Miley a whore. That word has a specific meaning, and I'm not aware that she has done anything to warrant that word.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

I think turning 18 means you *can* dance around in your underwear. It doesn't mean you *should.*

I think you're right on the boy thing. I looked forever for sexy young boys and couldn't find them.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

I have a hard time understanding why so many comments/commentors feel it is okay to make rude or harsh remarks about Miley's talent, but we should be respectful of her decisions to be sexy now? I think teaching our children to be kind respectful people, of themselves and others, means we don't put harsh, overly critical, unkind words into the world ourselves as well. Calling her, or anyone for that matter, a "whore" is just not okay, in my opinion. I believe all people are valuable.

I personally enjoyed watching Hannah Montana and singing along to the songs with my daughter a couple of years ago. My daughter is now 11. We had fun together, mother and daughter, singing the music and laughing at some of the silliness. We talked about it and shared the experience. We even talked about what we hoped for Miley in her future and that she would make decisions that were different than mainstream.

It is sad that she has decided to take this path, disappointing (I had hoped she would be equipped to make different decisions) but perhaps not surprising. My daughter does not watch the music videos and does not listen to Miley now, we're on to different music and artists. I don't think that my daughter would have any desire to watch this video above if she did see it, and I believe it would confuse her. It's not appropriate for her and it isn't what I want her subjected to, nor have I ever wanted my children subjected to violence. I am with you on that!

@Abeeliever

Creator of #mhsm Mental Health and Social Media Chat

Living a Beautiful Life

http://unavitabella.com

Oh we are worried about what the barrage of sexualization says to our boys, mamalang. We are VERY worried. It hurts them by twisting their developing sexuality. It hurts them by setting up unattainable, and unsatisfying, standards for their future relationships. And it demeans boys and men by portraying them as one-dimensional, penis-centric dopes.
Here are some things I have written on the subject and similar subjects (sexualization to soft-core porn to porn is just a matter of degrees)
http://www.marketingmediachildhood.com/2010/09/its... ( http://www.marketingmediachildhood.com/2010/09/its... )
http://www.marketingmediachildhood.com/search/labe...
http://www.marketingmediachildhood.com/2010/06/chi... ( http://www.marketingmediachildhood.com/2010/06/chi... )

And I agree with you, you just can't block all this stuff from teens. You've got to address it.

I know we should not allow our kids to really model themselves after celebrities, and to be themselves. BUT kids DO look up to her and want to be like her...therefore, she should model herslef in a good way.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Selena, Demi, and a few like them. They CARE about their fans, I have never seen them dress like a slut, and they actually ty to stay wholesome because they know kids, like my 7 year old daughter, are looking up to them.

I used to like Vanessa Hudgens, but even SHE seems to have gone by the wayside...just not as bad as Miley!

two thoughts: while the criticisms may change now that she is older, turning eighteen doesn't mean you can suddenly go publicly dancing around in your underwear, does it? at some point you stop criticizing her parents or disney and recognize that ms. cyrus is responsible for her own decisions now. as you say, if she is old enough to vote, she is old enough to understand what she is doing and take the negative response it generates from some.

my other thought regards the image of male teenage acts. my guess is that if they aren't sexy, it's because that doesn't appeal to the demographic of girls they are selling to. they want mr. clean cut not mr. saggy pants. it's all 'bout the money.

Which is why we don't let our daughter watch those Disney child star shows. I don't like it. There's only so much we can do about it, but we can do more than we think by voting with our clickers.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

but I do think my advice does. I do disagree that kids are blank slates. Certainly I want to limit the amount of sleaze she sees ... but I'm not sure once Miley hits 18 that we should muzzle her in the name of the children. Absolutely when she's a child herself -- but after that, I think it's up to the parents to change the channel. Kids may know who Miley is, but they don't have to think their parents approve of her.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

I agree they won't be actually acting like 18-year-olds, but I am surprised at how often the neighborhood girls play "I'm 15 and you're 18."

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Why the Disney corporation hasn't been charged, in the public's mind if not in a court of law, with sexual exploitation of minors completely escapes me. I guess with enough money and political influence you can get away with just about anything.

What is it they say about Great Power coming with Great Responsibility? Miley Cyrus isn't and will never be just another kid. She's a celebrity, someone that our little girls look up and to and for that reason, can't expect to live like ordinary people. Why did we applaud Rihanna when she eventually ended her relationship with Chris Brown after her abused her? Because she had the sense to realise that being who she is, a misstep could mess up other young women's lives and make them think it's ok. You can't simply say that if we don't like it we should flip the channel. We're parents and know it's not that easy. Do you go to school with your children? Do you attend every play date? We may control what they watch at home but unless your kids are under 3, that's not very realistic. I'm not happy with her, she's trying to grow up too fast which honestly should gravely concern her parents and even worse, her music is simply no good! Billy Ray Cyrus should know better than to let his little go this unfortunate direction. Britney Spears, anyone???

As a mother of a 22, 20, 16 and 9 yr olds, (girl, boy, girl, boy) Miley is the least on my concerns...

I really think that a lot of parents don't give their kids enough credit. They know the difference. Assuming the've been properly guided, a child will know that it's not okay to go around in cloths that are innapropiate and behaving like an 18 year old at 6 is very unlikely to happen no matter how many episodes of Hanna Montanna they watch. Lighten up people, you're going to make your kids even more curious by seeming so worried about everything all the time.

~ Mother of 4, 2 of which are girls!

Every time I have to start breathing in a paper bag for fear that teenaged girls everywhere are looking and dressing like Miley, I remind myself of the girls in my neighborhood and my nieces, all of whom are perfectly normal-looking tweens and teens who like riding their bikes and soccer and horses. There are plenty of girls who are NOT Miley.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

My six-year-old does in fact know who Hannah Montana is, though she doesn't know the name "Miley Cyrus." She keeps getting hand-me-downs with High School Musical and Hannah Montana on them, and I throw them right into the Goodwill pile. She says, "You're not a fan, are you, Mommy?" And no, honey, I'm not.

She's never seen the show. You have a great point about just not watching.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

That's one of the things I love about the BlogHer comments section -- we get a chance to see what everyone else has to say about the issues.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

I loved this piece, especially since I am attempting to raise an "authentic" son, who happens to be 15 years old.

Recently, when my son went to the Homecoming Dance I was so pleased that his 15 year old date, looked like, well, like a 15 year old date.

She was darling and dressed with fun jewelry, glitter makeup and a cute dress, but still didn't look "sexed-up" - Thank goodness. Or else, I most likely would have passed out.

Thanks Rita!!
KT
www.AnAuthenticLife.com ( http://www.AnAuthenticLife.com )

Best. Comment. EVER!

BlogHer needs many more 18-year-olds just like this gem. ;)

Love your post!! Precisely the premise both of my blogs are based on: "Parenting in a Celebrity-Driven Society" is my tag line. I think parents don't hold up celeb role models for their kids, the media does. Kids don't need role models other than their parents along with the occasional real heroes of our time like, well, umm, Snooki? Just kidding.

There are plenty of true-blue role models out there we can name, but they're not the ones regularly on the cover of US Weekly or People Magazine, Seventeen, or even Disney. And I don't believe turning off the TV is the solution.

To grow up part of our mainstream society our kids will be exposed to Miley and other teen tarts regardless of the care and monitoring by parents: school, peers, TV, checkout stand glossies, shopping at Target, Wall-Mart, Macys, etc. Balancing the education and guidance we give at home with the exposure to pop culture our kids presently are assaulted with, I think, is the key. Things like volunteering, instilling values and morals, compassion for others, and self respect come to mind.

On the other hand, allowing a six year old to watch a PG sex scene is, in my opionion, a steping stone. Will she ask to watch "Sex In The City" next?

Miley and the gaggle of teen celebs will not be going away, unfortunately. I agree with the Parent Monitoring Groups --like the ones who kept Katie Perry's Sesame St. video from airing -- who are, in my view, the counterbalance we need to keep the Hollywood money-making machine in check (pun intended).

It's not Miley's career parents want to control. It's the over use and abuse of her image that we've grown sick of as our kids have grown up with her plastered on everything from bedding to lunch boxes to school supplies.

I have a teen and a child in college now, but I wonder if you took your little one shopping for her stuff at any major retailer like the ones I mentioned earlier, would she see the Disney-made teen star somewhere and know her by either of her two names? Probably.

Lastly, 35 days and counting until the gyrating on satin sheets is done not by a minor (17 is legaly a minor where I live) but by an adult. After November 23rd, I don't care if the ex Teen Queen wants to pose nude for Playboy if she (or her daddy) so desires. But I suspect the outrage with her oversexualized childhood spilling into our homes will not end on her 18th birthday.

Suzette Valle

www.mamarazziknowsbest.com ( http://www.mamarazziknowsbest.com/ )

www.TheWrap.com ( http://www.TheWrap.com )

@MamarazziKnowsB Twitter

You make excellent points. I am disturbed and write about the same issues on my blog. Girls are expected to sell their sex in order to sell
their songs; boys just sell their songs, their talent. The rules for women artists are very sexist. I write about the same issues on my Blog http://Marinagraphy.com Look for Sex, Women, and Music and Rihanna's Rude Boy. It's despicable that the rules are different, and more despicable that girls like Miley subscribe to it.

Regards,

Marina DelVecchio

Email:marinagraphy@gmail.com

Blog:http://Marinagraphy.com ( http://marinagraphy.com )

Web site:http://Marinadelvecchio.com ( http://www.marinadelvecchio.com/ )

FB:

I think it's a combination of kids growing up thinking they can have whatever they want (middle school cured the rest of us off the Wild Turkey) and Disney. Most kids go through some schooling by their peers that they're not perfect as they're growing up -- these child stars are surrounded by fans and adults on the payroll. Can't be good.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

She is either going to implode or rise to the occasion. Let's hope she grows up in front of us gracefully because I don't want to watch another "Lindsey Lohan" trainwreck. Do you think any of this has to do with Disney wielding such control over their child stars? Seems like once they all hit 17 or 18 they run away like rebellious kids and go crazy... think Britney Spears?!?

Nudity for sure. But I'm wondering when a minor is old enough to be filmed/photographed in lingerie. I guess 17 is old enough.

Meredith Groenevelt

www.buenobaby.com ( http://www.buenobaby.com )

Would love to see a blog post on THAT!

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

I'm not a lawyer. I think child pornography involves nudity, but I could be wrong. It's a totally fair question.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

If she went respectable, that would be shocking.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

My oldest is 17 and the next one is 12. At a certain age, unless you homeschool them and monitor their lives 24/7, they are going to be exposed to shows, songs, and people that you don't think are age appropriate. We went through this with Britney during the oldest's middle school years. It's my job as her mother to explain to her why these things bother me, why I feel they are inappropriate, etc. My 17 year old chooses to wear modest clothing. She believes that woman are smart and can do anything men can do. She also listened to Britney, and Miley, and lots of other pop stars.

While we worry about what this overt sexualism says to our daughters, why aren't we worried about what it says to our sons? My 7 year old doesn't see this sort of thing, but as he gets older, I'm sure he will as well. I want to have conversations with him about this subject. I want him to know that he shouldn't expect the girls he knows to act or dress like that. It's make believe...it's not real.

mamalang

You mentioned that Miley will be of legal age next month, which got me wondering when is it legal to produce photos or film with minors in their underwear rolling around on a bed? I'm not trying to be snark here, I'm really wondering.

My daughter is twelve. Would it be "legal" for her to shoot a video like this? Or is it when she's 13,14,15...when?

I too agree that what is done with Miley is done. It's history. I share your sentiments about Miley and sexually exploiting your young daughter.

Next little girl "performer," you're up.

Meredith Groenevelt

www.buenobaby.com ( http://www.buenobaby.com )

I am mostly worried that she isn't going to handle her own transition from child to adult very well as she has lived that accelerated sexy-life (in how she was publicly portrayed) thus far. What's "left" for her to do, you know? She's already an icon. Will she now follow in the treacherous footsteps of some of her predecessors? Or will she figure her own sexy-to-respectable ratio out early on and surprise us all?

I hope it's the latter.

Contributing Editor Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )) blogs at Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ). She is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

I agree -- I feel more comfortable talking about whether or not she should be able to do what she wants. I'm not yet ready to write the post about why she thinks she has to do it.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

I think you nailed what I'm having trouble articulating -- I do think if we can make clear what our expectations are for our kids, we can worry less about what they are exposed to. Still, she flies in the face of what I'd want my daughter to do at that age. It's a hard one.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

She created a fan base of kids when she was a kid. Just like Britney and Christina, she's changing. I'm not sure it would be possible to keep her a kid much longer. She could be a more appropriate adult, but she's not a kid.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

I've thought about how television has changed. I started watching Mad Men for the first time last night, and I wonder if it's possible to have covered boobs without treating women like they're children. Again, I can't stand what Miley is doing, but I think if we're going to call for censorship of girls, we have to call for it with boys, too, especially when it comes to violence. Neither is appropriate for kids.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

I think Miley grew up with parents who weren't paying proper attention, as Lindsay Lohan did. I plan for my kid not to grow up the same way. What you said.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

All the parents of pre-teens who are complaining that Miley is too sexy just shouldn't be letting their kids watch her. As has been said many times here, she's 18 fer cryin' out loud. Yes, when she first started, she had a lot of young girls as fans, - because she was a young girl herself then. Those fans have grown up (shock, horror) and the new crop of pre-teen fans became fans when Miley had already sexed herself up a bit. I don't think even she would say that what she's doing now is appropriate for a pre-teen audience to watch or emulate.
Why she does it is another discussion entirely.

I don't have kids, so it is entirely possible that I'm viewing this issue through rose colored glasses. I think the real issue is why parents are letting their kids idolize her. I was just the right age to be front and center for the Britney Spears explosion onto the music scene. I remember the "Hit Me Baby, One More Time" video. I remember thinking she was cool (WAS, people, WAS), but I knew better than to try to get away with wearing THAT out of the house (and ESPECIALLY not to school - has anyone ever heard of a dress code?). Just because she was cool, didn't mean she was my role model. She did and said things that my father had made it VERY clear that I was not allowed to do or say, and so I didn't. And since he knew that I knew better, he didn't care that I listened to her music or that her videos were on TV.

I have to say I'm sort of on the fence on this one. I think the issue comes because some parents who try their best to walk the thin line of what's appropriate and DO let their kids watch Disney shows have kids who have worshipped Miley and feel she should take that into account when she makes her choices. I agree Miley is making poor choices, yes she's an adult (almost) now but she should consider that Hannah MOntana is still on, my boys 7 and 6 watch it. Obviously they don't idolize her but many little girls (some of their cousins) their age do. They KNOW that she's Miley Cyrus and they want to hear her music and see her stuff. It puts parents in a hard place because someone that was safe for several years isn't anymore.
HOnestly, I'm like whatev' my kids don't watch many music videos so they can do whatever they want in vidoes. And I don't really restrict very much at all in music.
I do also have to say I was a total celeb hound as a girl. My walls were plastered with TigerBeat posters, all the latest male heartthrobs, but I also followed and looked up to female singers and actresses, like Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, Alyssa Milano etc.
I think unlike some stars who are who they are when they come on the scene, Miley should take a little more consideration that she created a fan base of KIDS and many of her fans are still kids.
ah well, I'm gonna go listen to Party In The USA now :)

not really...but...

she's 17 - still 17 - and just a year ago she was swinging on a stripper pole on the mtv awards. is she old enough to do whatever now? sure i guess but she's an "idol" to little girls. little girls that are growing up way too fast - and i think it's just not a good image to portray.

i was a boy crazy girl to say the least - but it was just a lot different - even 20 years ago. (i'm approaching my 20 year reunion next year)

i'm starting to think the days of Leave It to Beaver would be nice to have back. Long skirts, covered boobs - wouldn't it be a refreshing change????

But back to Miley - sex sells and her papa knows it - so she's acting like a ho and has been for years. It is kinda funny - she doesn't have the "sexy" gene in her - just looks awkward.

If I had a daughter - she wouldn't be watching her.

I heart you, Rita--you said it all!

I'm with you in that I'd rather have the kids watch something sexy than something violent -- but I also wouldn't let them watch something sexy or violent at this age :-) At the same time, I think Cyrus is at an age where if she wants to put anything out there that she wants to put out there she should. And she should own it. As a child, her parents need to guide her. As an adult by legal standards, she needs to own her decisions.

Just because it's out there doesn't mean it needs to be watched. And it's up to parents to shield their kids from things that aren't age-appropriate (and the appropriateness is somewhat subjective). I don't really care what Cyrus is doing because I (1) wouldn't let my child watch her, (2) let my child watch the Disney channel in general, (3) let her go to a house where the parent would play it for her, and (4) if she did watch it, would sit down and talk about it with her rather than freaking out (okay, I'd probably freak out on the person who showed it to her, but I think that seeing things can sometimes spark really good conversations).

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

I hate those dolls. I'm not a huge fan of Barbies, either, but Bratz rub me wrong in an entirely different way.

It's getting increasingly difficult to avoid The Sexy aimed at my six-year-old. Try finding sandals that don't have high heels, seriously, I can't believe it. Tank tops that look like lingerie. All manner of things written across the butt of sweatpants and shorts. Daisy Dukes for tweens. It is really, really hard to avoid that stuff, but I try to because I want to be able to look at her and say, "I never let you out of the house looking like that for a reason" when she catches Miley at a friend's house. I know I can't completely control her experience, so I'm trying to emphasize what we do in OUR family now. We'll see if it gets through -- only time will tell.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

I agree videos are not the best conveyors of intelligent thought. If fewer people watched videos like that, fewer of them would be made. The music industry - like all industries in a capitalist country - respond to market demand.

The girls do it because they think it will help them sell music. What if it didn't? Turn the channel, right?

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Parents, let her go! She's not Hannah Montana, and honestly, I didn't let my kid worship Hannah Montana, either!

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

I wonder if she will have the staying power of Britney. She does not have the pipes of Christina, who drives me insane but can sing like nobody's business.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

I laughed out loud when I read this comment, because it was exactly what I was wondering about -- excellent work, well said. I'm so glad to see an 18-year-old with an opinion commenting on BlogHer.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

I think there's this idea that if the violence is animated or done with puppets or nonhuman robots (a la Star Wars) that it's somehow not blowing things up. I don't get that.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

I don't remember having a celebrity that I looked up to when I was a little kid. Why does my daughter need one, you know?

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.