The Shift of the Mommyblogger

October 13, 2008 by Rita Arens in Moms & Family

There's change in the air for the first wave of mommybloggers. They don't complain about their kids much anymore. In fact, they don't write about their kids as much as they used to. Have they lost interest? Lost their edge? Or are their kids just old enough to read?

I started blogging in 2004, when my daughter was a newborn. I've felt the tide turn in my own writing even as I've noticed some of my favorite writers turning away from the old stories of havoc and poop and focusing back inward on themselves or outward on the external world of pop culture, politics, fashion, jobs and social issues. Why?

Allan is a daddyblogger, but I was struck by this:

While that's already a bit of an issue with regard to adult friends and relatives, what about the people in my life for whom I currently make those decisions, but who will eventually be making their own? I have devoted an entire section of my website to each of my three sons... but what happens as they get older, and assume more responsibility for their own image?

I don't write less about my daughter because she's any less funny or adorable than she used to be. I write less about her because I'm having more and more trouble discerning between where my observation ends and her story begins. I'll always document our lives, but I find myself giving her the same benefit I give anyone else -- any story they tell me is theirs, not mine to recount. It has to be safe for my friends and colleagues to talk to me without worrying I'll print their every word on the Internet, and I'm beginning to extend that rule to my daughter, too.

Grace Davis has written about making her teen daughter an editor after unintentionally causing a rift.

I won't take down the posts, but I will take on Molly as the Official State of Grace Editor for Adolescent Affairs. I'll be showing her any blog entries related to her prior to publishing.

I suspect my daughter will become an editor at Surrender, Dorothy at about the same time that I stop referring to her as "the little angel" and start addressing her by name. Until then, I continue to struggle online and offline between wanting the world to see her as I do -- vibrant, beautiful, intelligent, funny -- and wanting to never give her friends anything more to Google.

Some prominent mommybloggers have taken the latter so far as to drop out of the blogosphere temporarily. Chookooloonks went photoblog for a time when Karen's daughter turned three, and another Karen pulled The Naked Ovary offline for a year to protect her oldest daughter's privacy.

I can't imagine shutting down my blog, my outlet, my record, but I can and do imagine shifting its subject matter permanently from my daughter as main character to my daughter as Best Supporting Actress in our little sitcom of three.

When did I steal the blog back for myself? About six months ago, I think. Will she ever get it back? No -- she'll have her own.

And I can't wait to read it.

Comments

I write about my journey.

Giyen October 13, 2008 - 7:25am

I began blogging about 3 months ago. At first, I wrote furiously for about a month and then I stopped and asked myself the question - "What 'type' of blogger am I?"

I took a month to reflect on it that question and came to the conclusion that I am a writer, not a mommyblogger or a weight loss blogger or a motivational blogger. I started to write as a way to express my journey of moving away from parenting as a primary role to a secondary one. When I resumed blogging this month, I took down a bunch of posts that I felt were too "gimmicky" or ones that didn't really feel stylistically like my own voice. I try to be consistent, but there's no pressure to write on a daily basis anymore.

As Chris Pirillo said at a blogging conference I attended over the weekend, "Blog from the heart." I think that's what I am trying to do. My daugther, now 14, still needs me but in a different way than before. And now for the first time in a long time, I have the time to explore what being "Giyen" means and it sometimes has nothing to do with being a parent.

Great blog topic!

Giyen

Read my latest blog post which, coincidentally has to do with parenting:

http://tinyurl.com/3tgfnf

Or just stop by:

www.baconismyenemy.com

This is why I've never been a mommyblogger, I think

Denise October 13, 2008 - 8:01am

OK for a time, when I wrote a homeschool blog at ClubMom I was sort of a mommyblogger but really not so much - not like the people I consider "real" mommybloggers.

I started blogging when my kids were all old enough to have their own voices and the story wasn't so much about me being a mom but them being kids. I think there's a difference between writing about parenting and writing about your childrens' lives, isn't there?

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

I agree, Denise.

Rita Arens October 13, 2008 - 8:13am

I do think there's a difference. I think I write about parenting here at BlogHer and about my daughter's life at Surrender, Dorothy. I can continue to write about parenting until I die, but I will probably write about my daughter's life less and less as time goes on.

Surrender, Dorothy - When I was your age, we just let them ride in the back window.

Rita Arens is a contributing editor for BlogHer -- Mommy & Family.

Don't forget citymama...

Mom101 October 13, 2008 - 9:26am

Talk about a shift. She went from mommyblogger to food blogger in one fell swoop.

Mom-101

Cool Mom Picks.com

It began about me, then about my kid, now we're back to me.

cagey333 October 13, 2008 - 11:49am

I started out as a personal blogger. I did not even blog that much about my first pregnancy because I was determined to keep my blog for myself. However, after my son was born, I had so much fun writing about him, that mommyblogging did take over for awhile. Since my 2nd child has been born, though, I am feeling less cozy about mommyblogging too much. For one, my son is getting older and into his own skin - I do not blog about his school, his friends or personal subjects, such as toilet "training".

I am now back to blogging mostly about ME and my crappy tastes in TV, politics and books. And yes, sometimes my blogging includes my children because they still are the focal point to my days.

Kelli Oliver George

http://rancidraves.blogspot.com/

http://abooblog.blogspot.com/

Totally. I am really

Mamaliciousinthecity October 13, 2008 - 7:58pm

Totally. I am really interested in bloggers who write about themselves and whatever their journey is right now. I don't really need to read about what color your baby's poop was this morning, you know?

Privacy and blogging

Wilma Ham October 13, 2008 - 12:19pm

Interesting issue, that of privacy. How it has become an issue for bloggers and their family and friends, as for a long time it was only an issue for royalty and the rich and famous.

When I started blogging about my joyrney to an abundant and prosperous life, I kind of felt naked and acutely aware that strangers would get to know me very well and I had no idea who those strangers were and how my data double would be received.
It was difficult to decide how far to go with personal data and that of children, partners and family.

My friends became aware that they might appear in my blog.
However I have always been careful how to language the situation and depict their role in the story.
Funnily enough I didn't have to be afraid that my family would see what I wrote about them, they never read my blog.
I hear that is the case with many bloggers.
Why that is, escapes me. Are they afraid to get that intimate as mostly when in person we are not that intimate in our conversations?

My two older daughters don't read my blog either, however I have been conscious of their privacy and somehow never wrote about them specifically for that reason.
If I wanted to make a point about children I kind of made it general.
Because just as I felt naked when I started blogging about my life, I could imagine that they would have the same feeling when appearing in public.
At least I had a choice, they didn't.

Wilma Ham

www.wilmasblog.com

I relate to what you said.

Therextras October 17, 2008 - 5:05am

I've told only a few people in my city about my blog, and virtually no one reads it.

I protect privacy of my children, too, by carefully referring to them as Younger-teen and Older-teen. Don't use Hubby's first name while mine is on my blog. If I post a photo of them, it is carefully chosen to not be very revealing.

I'm sometimes shocked by what some people reveal online, but I am middle-aged, so the social networking concept still seems incongruous to what I think relationships should be.

Barbara H. Boucher, PT, PhD, OT TherExtras

It's Definitely Something I'm Concerned About

Michellesamom October 13, 2008 - 12:59pm

I go to great lengths to protect the privacy of the people in my life. I never refer to anyone by name and faces are never shown on my blog. Even "Peanut" is always photographed from behind (though I suppose that the dog's face is the one exception...).

Even so, I think that when I first had Peanut, she (and caring for her) consumed my every waking hour. I started my blog when she was about 6 months old and when I was finally starting to rediscover my life. I still mainly blog about her and about my family because I'm staying at home for now. I'm sure that when my daughter is in school and I begin to work on my career once more, my blog will reflect those changes.

Great topic!

BWM: Blogging While Mothering

rebellious thinker October 13, 2008 - 5:16pm

Maybe because I started blogging when my daughters were 12 and 16, I knew not to write about them directly. I did not tell their stories as Rita says, rather I write about them by way of my reacting to them, and how I am as a mother struggling with teenagers. So I am a woman blogging while mothering.

And regarding their reading my blog, they know I blog (which they mock) but I have not told them the address, nor have they asked. Yet. Thinking of them and their possible reactions to some things are the only external filter I apply to what I write.

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com

Re : BWM: Blogging While Mothering

wisdompursuit October 14, 2008 - 6:57am

Laura,

I do the same. I blog about what I learn as I parent my kids and we go through life together. Since my kids are tween and teen age, I ask them to read any entries about them before I post if I think they may find it embarrassing. They think it's kind of cool to see stories about themselves, so they're usually excited for me to post them. However, that may change, as I don't have a teenage daughter -yet.

Lisa Scott

www.wisdompursuit.com

Ancient Wisdom for Today's Families

Applying filters.

Wilma Ham October 13, 2008 - 5:54pm

Hey Laura, hi again.

I do agree that applying filters is the way to go.
And isn't it funny they don't want to read our blog.

Wilma Ham

www.wilmasblog.com

Kids Banning Our Blogs

rebellious thinker October 13, 2008 - 6:11pm

Wilma, long time no speak! Glad to see you and thanks for visiting me, and I'm off to see what's up with you.

Oh, I feel a theory coming. If our children read our blogs it would confirm that we are people in our own right and not mere extensions of their wishes. It is their way of keeping us in our mommy-boxes.

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com

grammy blogger

Dorotheaa October 13, 2008 - 6:44pm

I have learned to blog in the third person after receiving my first nasty letter when I criticized my granddaughters for being laxed in their chores etc.

It's very dificult for me as our mssion on gammology was to bring grandmas back to the famiily by sharing what I've done and the mistakes I've made. Therefor you can read my life and know what not do..

So as we all learn how to still complete our mssion while protecting our families let's share the wisdom.. We know there are those among us who do not have the best intentions however, there are many more which will learn from our lives as we move forward.

Great question and thanks for thinking of it..

Dorothy from grammology

http://grammology.com

Kid Blogging

laurab.woodruff October 14, 2008 - 6:37am

I write in detail about my children, but they are all still young. I think I value having this history of their young lives, as I would have loved to read about my early childhood ---I would love to know more about my early life and the silly things I said and did. As teenagers, I don't think kids appreciate an open sharing blog. As my 8 year old gets older, I will have to edit out much that would embarass him. Some things to think about.

www.laurascoop.blogspot.com

Kid Blogging

laurab.woodruff October 14, 2008 - 6:37am

www.laurascoop.blogspot.com

Writing about your children is a good thing.

Therextras October 17, 2008 - 5:10am

I enjoy genealogy, and the few bits of writing from family members in the 19th century are precious. The blogosphere has brought writing back to mainstream - where people formerly wrote letters and mailed them. It's great!

Barbara H. Boucher, PT, PhD, OT TherExtras

Me, me, it's all about me.

Gray Matter October 14, 2008 - 7:52am

The truth is that I've always existed in the "mommy blogosphere" because I was a blogger who was also a mom, but I didn't want the category to define me. Mostly I write about my thoughts, observations and experiences, and from time to time they are specifically about my son or husband, but usually about some absurdity of the world in general.

Also, in terms of privacy, I've never mentioned names, shown pictures or even revealed my own information. I think that is about to change as my blog evolves I want people to feel more connected.

Last thing, I think it's natural for new mothers who need a place to vent or express themselves to discover blogging. As their lives settle into a routine, and the kids get older, I believe they have more time to look inward and reflect on their lives beyond the children.

I have a hard time, personally, reading blogs that are more "online diaries" about the daily grind of motherhood.

Rita, I love that you asked this question.

Link Textgray matter matters

Fanastic Post

mrsflinger October 14, 2008 - 8:32am

I started blogging in 2003 got knocked up in 2004 and discovered the joy telling the Internet too much about my cooch during pregnancy. Since then I've found so much companionship through parenting and marriage issues.

I still "mommy blog", I just have a family blog for updates on the kids that is full of the not-as-interesting details like, "Slept through the night!" and "look at how cute!" So I still do blog that, it's just for a different audience. For some reason I would rather talk about my sex life with strangers. LOL

http://mrs.flinger.us and http://catapultwebdevelopment.com

mommyblogger shifting focus

monicabrandywine October 14, 2008 - 9:08am

I started blogging in 2005, so I guess that puts me in the first wave.

I definately have noticed a shift in the things that I want to write about. It's not so much about my mommylife anymore, but more about issues I'm passionate about. I'm sure I'll still write about the funny mishaps or thoughtful stories, but it won't be the focus it once was.

Monica

Paper Bridges

I Blog Therefore I Am

Mom on the Run October 14, 2008 - 9:57am

Mom on the Run

I'm very conflicted about my blog. Sometimes I write about me. Sometimes about my children. Rarely about my husband. I vent about my parents and sister. I rant about my children's schools. I write about products I like or don't like. At times I don't blog, but prefer instead to read other people's blogs. What does that make my blog? A big hodge podge of random, sometimes infrequent posts. But, you know what, I love writing on my blog.

I don't reveal my name or my children's names. I post photos only of my son as he is quite young. I like the freedom of writing whatever is on my mind. Very freeing!

Yup.

loraleechoate October 14, 2008 - 11:03am

My style has radically changed since 2005. Mainly, I blame that on being woefully ignorant of the blogosphere and internet in general when I began writing.

I regret usuing real names but I resign myself to the fact that I am not disciplined enough to not reveal my location in my writing or stick to calling everyone Mr. Looney Tunes, Baby Looney Tunes and Looney Tunes jr.

I don't write about my kids nearly as often as I used to. For one? I have loads more traffic than I ever dreamed of having back when I was pretty much talking to myself and it gets a little frightening sometimes.

Then there is the fall out of people that are unhappy with being on your blog. It sucks, and so I usually just stick to writing about me because I know that I won't get pissed off at myself.My kids CLAMOR to be on my blog but I have become pretty restrained about it compared to what I used to write about. For one, I am more protective and for another, as they are getting older, I don't want to make my kids lives at school any harder than it has to be already by something someone may read.

That said I DO still have an amazingly open personality online compared to a lot of people and I am comfortable sharing QUITE a bit. I think it comes down to what you are comfortable with and the fact that that can shift as time and experiences happen.

I've seen it too

Karen-MEG October 14, 2008 - 1:44pm

As the kids get older, I also struggle with the issue of privacy and anonymity. I'll admit, when I started my blog in 2005 after I had a new born, it was a bit of a creative outlet as well as online journal to capture "precious" moments. And keep me sane. But it has become more "all about me", and it's evolved to include more personal journeys (although of late, there's been more photos, less real writing because real life is starting to get in the way.)

I find the more personal I get, the more readers (or at least commenters) drop by. I suppose the more personal the story, the more passionate the writing, and that has thrilled me in a way, as I hope some of what I have experienced has been able to help others too.

And yet...I think I'm safe...

jennydecki October 14, 2008 - 1:57pm

I like to think I'm not writing for my children, but for their children. So they can know the stories of gramma and see her as a human being instead of just an old lady that's crabby and snarky.

Perhaps when my daughters are 30, they too will read it and realize they were not peaches and cream, but real issues in my life that took up real time in my brainspace.

Hopefully that will make them better humans, better parents, better friends to other people in the world.

I'm sure they won't read it, I mean, who wants to see their parent as a human being? LOL

Oh, and if my kids don't have kids, that's fine too. Just so my humanity is out there and I'm not relegated to being JUST mom or JUST auntie Jen.

jennydecki

Beyond Mom Blog

This - the flow down the generations

hedra October 15, 2008 - 9:12am

That's part of what I blog for. Not that they just see themselves as I see them, for a moment, or that they see me as human (they're already really good at that, I think), but that they can have these stories for their kids.

Now, whether they'll want that, no knowing.

hedra

Hands Full of Rocks: http://hedra.typepad.com

It's all about me...mostly

Izzy76 October 14, 2008 - 2:52pm

Rita, it's so odd that you would write about this. I have been thinking the same thing lately about myself and my blog. I wondered if I was technically still a mommyblogger if i write less about the kids and more about me. Regardless, it seems like a natural transition that mirrors the transitions we go through in our parenting journey.

:) Izzy

kauihart October 14, 2008 - 2:53pm

Yes, I initially started my blog as a "mommy blog," but noticed I rarely talk about my child. I guess I feel that I can't translate her in a way that would be interesting to all of you, nor do I want to, really. The blogs and posts I've been drawn to have been about the mothers, their thoughts, anecdote, etc...I find them to be much more interesting.

--Kaui Hart Hemmings

http://www.partywithaninfant.blogspot.com

http://www.kauiharthemmings.com

less and less

fidget October 14, 2008 - 4:50pm

i find myself writing less about the big 'uns, unless of course they've done something particularly hilarious or nefarious. The wee ones are still fair game but the girls are older, out in the world (well as out there as a 4 and 6 yr old get)and deserve some space.

Fidget
Finding Yourself Despite Yourself
pregnancy & parenting @ Capessa

So very true

mommyniri October 14, 2008 - 5:18pm

I started blogging as a place to keep family and friends informed, but slowly articles about life how i saw it creeped in. For a while my blog looked without direction. Then I went to Blogher on saturday in Boston and finally decided to split my blogs. Especially since I used names and pics in my 1st blog.. now I have the family one by invitation only. Yes, I want to put up kid's pics etc, but i get more excited writing about what;s on my mind.

http://mommyniri.blogspot.com/

http://girlsofniri.blogspot.com/

Three blogs now

janny226 October 14, 2008 - 6:22pm

I've got my original blog, which is for me, and started one for funny things my 6-year-old does, which he likes - I scan in some of his art and post the funny things he says that I think he'll want to know someday -- and I also started one about our experiences with my son's school program. At first when I started the school blog I felt I had less to sayon the original blog, but now I find I write about my own stuff more.

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