Should You Change Your Self-Mythology in 2010?

Nordette ~ yours is the first post I came to after joining BlogHer, and this is exactly what I needed to read!  Thank you so much for writing and sharing!  Self-mythology has likewise been churning in my subconscious for some time and I'd decided a few months back to make it a topic of focus in my daily contemplations.  I always had told myself that I was a VERY optimistic and positive-thinking person.  From early childhood, I've faced many hard lessons, but always manage to smile and strive forward...  Yet recently I have realized that I am, despite the labels I use to define myself, not very optimistic at all.  I feel that I am hyper-prepared for the life I see for myself, yet am actually truly pessimistic about the chance that good things will come my way, or rather, despite the blessings that do come my way I still doubt that I deserve happiness.  Now I am seeing that believing in good things makes me feel somewhat vulnerable, as though I'm facing the herald of certain doom!  I also am starting to understand how my "positive thinking" is actually some degree of wishful thinking as, even with my hyper-preparedness, I let fear stand in the way of my goals.  It is so good to hear another’s introspections on all the same ideas I've been working through, and having related so strongly to your words, it's nice to hear the cycle can be broken...

Blessings,

Xia

Yes, I'll agree that most of us do. Thank you for joining the conversation, LoveBabz. :-)

Nordette Adams ( http://www.bookotopia.com ) is a BlogHer CE ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... ) & you can find her other stuff through Her 411 ( http://her411.com ).

Really, really love it. His mother dressed him up like a little prince and perhaps he acted accordingly, as royalty, thereafter. :-) And I also appreciate the implication of role models and having others who believe in you.

I support and applaud the concepts you discuss in stories and network science ( http://kimpearson.net/?p=526 ).   In particular, this paragraph struck me:

One of the ways in which stories may affect the functioning of networks of educational opportunity is in countering a phenomenon that Stanford University social psychologist Claude Steele calls “stereotype threat.” According to Steele, stereotype threat occurs when an individual feels as if he or she is being evaluated according to a stereotype. Although Steele asserts that anyone can be affected by stereotype threat, he has studied the phenomenon’s effects on middle-class African American college students and women students in scientific and technical fields. Steele’s research suggests that stereotype threat accounts for academic underperformance in well-prepared students with high self-esteem.

I've heard of Steele's work before, and thanks for the link in your article. I heard specifically that black children's test scores go down on standardized tests if they are told "This test will determine how smart you are."  Due to internalized racism, they may have subconsciously bought into the idea that they are not as smart as others and then test poorly. At least that's how I understood it in part.

Your idea as presented in the entire post on your site strikes me as something Malcolm Gladwell ( http://www.gladwell.com/bio.html ) would have insight on how to tackle or he may know who might be a good person to talk to on the subject or a game theory expert. 

Nordette Adams ( http://www.bookotopia.com ) is a BlogHer CE ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... ) & you can find her other stuff through Her 411 ( http://her411.com ).

It's good to have you visit and I encourage readers to visit your blog as well, Sojourner's Place ( http://www.sojournersplace.com/ ). It's both educational and inspirational.

Nordette Adams ( http://www.bookotopia.com ) is a BlogHer CE ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... ) & you can find her other stuff through Her 411 ( http://her411.com ).

I'll be looking for more posts on procrastination from you then, possibly? I've heard it's the sign of a perfectionist. Since I am a horrible procrastinator, I'm not sure that's true. I think it's as you suggest, more rooted in fear, and that can be either fear of failure or fear of success.

And I see you've kicked off the new year with a decade review of women in business ( http://www.blogher.com/women-business-decade-revie... ). :-) I'll drop by the post.

Nordette Adams ( http://www.bookotopia.com ) is a BlogHer CE ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... ) & you can find her other stuff through Her 411 ( http://her411.com ).

I know exactly what you mean about women asking the universe for a good partner but not liking who shows up. LOL. A friend and mine discuss this often.  

Happy you were able to see getting a house through, and I won't open up scary tales of the IRS. Been there too.

Thank you for sharing your insight, Candelaria.

Nordette Adams ( http://www.bookotopia.com ) is a BlogHer CE ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... ) & you can find her other stuff through Her 411 ( http://her411.com ).

I have always been prepared for my life.  I was made for this time. I CHOOSE happiness. I CHOOSE optimism.  although my friends would say it is in my dna.  I love happiness. I am at my best when I am happy.  And... and there is always an and, because we are all complex and multi-dimensional.  I feel the words of James Taylor very profoundly... I've seen fire and I've seen rain, I seen lonely times when I didn't have a friend, I've seen lonely days that I thought would never end.  There have been times when I though a little pill may make it all right.  There have been times when a gun in my hands pointed at my head would make things all right.  I fight hard for sanity. I fight hard for happiness.  Peace is not easy...like freedom it comes with a price.  I am always willing to pay the price for freedom and peace.  You have to be willing to be selfish. You have to be willing to see yourself naked. You have to be willing to go to your knees to GOD and say HELP ME. 

If I won the lotto today I will know exactly what to do...I am prepared.  If my house burns down tonight, I know exactly what to do. I've seen too much, lived a lot, endured much and have known love that shakes the wings of angels.  Yes I laugh a lot! I love to laugh and dance and sing! I care not that I am not good at any of it...I just do it!  Life is like that!  We limit ourselvers, we edit ourselves, we get in our own way. I am merely suggesting that we need to believe we are better than we are.  

Be loving & Be in LOVE

As the new year approaches in my part of the world, this post has certainly more food for thought than I could have ever imagined. Much obliged, Nordette, very much obliged.

"I hope to be something higher, a being who is kind, accepts her personal power but never abuses it, with the wisdom to heal." All I can say is Amen!

Much Obliged, SjP ( http://sojournersplace.blogspot.com )

This is a really great, thought provoking post, Nordette - thank you.

In some ways I think I would have to say I am unprepared for some opportunities. In other cases though I think I err on the side of perpetually preparing and procrastinating on the action out of fear of dealing with or getting what I say I want. It's tricky business.

I will be ruminating on this food for thought into the new year. Thanks again and thank you for the link :-)

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/maria-niles ) PopConsumer ( http://consumerpop.typepad.com/popconsumer ) Beyond Help ( http://mariax.vox.com/ )

First, brava, Nordette - and thank you to Lovebabz for her testimony and example.

The stories we are told about ourselves, and the stories we tell about ourselves are critical to the ways in which we think about our opportunities. This is part of my fascination with the life of WEB Du Bois, whose mother was single, disabled and working class descendant of black freeman, and whose father was a Civil War deserter and the illegitimate son of a mixed race New England merchant. Despite his poverty and  birth into circumstances that would have been considered shameful in that Victorian post-bellum era, his mother had a portrait made of him when he was four:

He grew up, of course, to become a towering intellectual and social activist. Is there any wonder that he thought himself worthy of great accomplishment?

I have theorized, however, that the stories DuBois learned to tell about himself were effective in part because they matched up with the stories that his eventual sponsors, benefactors, professors publishers and allies told about themselves. This congruence allowed him to advance educationally, politically and socially from his hometown in rural Massachusetts, to Fisk, Harvard, the University of Berlin and beyond. I have written about how information scientists might use his substantial archive (which, thankfully, is being digitized and made available online) ( http://www.library.umass.edu/spcoll/dubois/ ) to model the ways in which stories become catalysts around which networks are formed. I've carried this idea around for years, and haven't been able to find anyone willing to give it serious consideration beyond endorsing the soundness of the initial premise. I'd love to know what you think: How stories and network science could improve educational equity and diversity ( http://kimpearson.net/?p=526 ).

Kim
BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://blogher.org/blog/kim-pearson )|KimPearson.net ( http://kimpearson.net )|

because I decided to a few years back when I allowed fear of a situation I'd gotten into with the IRS to nearly take me out.  I refused to ask for help, refused to face my situation and that hole and a few others got deeper and deeper.  I do think we each have personal power that we can pick up and use to face and handle life's situations.  I also believe that we should work on developing resources to handle the unexpected and devastating things that life can bring. 

Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it, is an oft repeated caution I've heard and witnessed.  I've known a couple of women who, for example, implored the universe to send them a good partner, then refused to accept the person who showed up because they weren't packaged the way they'd envisioned.  They weren't ready for the blessing.  I have blocked blessings by not embracing and following up on opportunities as they presented themselves to me.  I'm very good about nudging people to follow-up on their dreams, I'm known for follow-through on work projects, I can become suspended when it comes to my own deeply personal dreams.  I am a high achiever with high output but self-mythology of what I don't believe I can have has kept me from reaching other deeply-wished for goals and dreams.

A few years ago, I had to wrestle with my mythology that somehow, out of millions of people in the world, wouldn't be able to actually own a house.  Etcetera.

Provocative post.  You're making me look over my on-going list of desires, goals and plans.  I'm gonna end now and begin the final count to the New Year.  All things, in this moment, are possible.

http://blog.candelariasilva.com ( http://blog.candelarisilva.com/ )

Good and plenty!

I hope that my comments are in line with your post. 

I stopped making resolutions years ago.  Life has taught me that new beginnings and change occurs without the assistance of any particular earmarked calendar date. I also believe that there are moments in our life span when what happens is meant to occur. How we do or do not respond to these events is based on a lot of different factors. 

I've lived long enough to sincerely believe that we are not without the power or ability to re-shape or re-define who we are. When the need arises-we either will do so or we will not. It seems to me that it depends on how we think and respond to different situations.

I also firmly believe that we should be careful about what we ask for in our lives. There are times when the universe says no and we should accept that as a good answer. There are also times when we make requests and we are granted them. Even if we are not totally prepared to receive what we have asked for.  The movement towards fulfilling that request seems to prepare us for what we want.

When you talk about virtual personas-I will be the first to admit that mine is controlled. I am aware that most people are learning about me via what appears on the screen. While my words are generated from my thoughts-this is just a small portion of my personality and woman/self.  I am naturally private about many aspects of my life.  I do not believe in spreading myself wide open in the virtual world.  I have to reserve some aspects of myself for me.  I try to present an intelligent view and personality.  I am always aware of the fact that I am representing Women of Color.  That is a responsibility that I do not take lightly.

I like the idea of your project on virtual selves/identities and how online communities help us refine them.

Also, I agree. We place too much emphasis on the New Year mark. Any day is a good day to change hats or reconsider self-mythology.

Thank you for your visit and comment.

Nordette Adams ( http://www.bookotopia.com ) is a BlogHer CE ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... ) & you can find her other stuff through Her 411 ( http://her411.com ).

Man, this is a great post, girl. Felt it on all level. And when I got to the end about virtual lives, I definitely sat up, considering that's one of my research interests for school. I'm really interested in the narratives of the black woman in virtual worlds and communities...and the narratives we create. And what's cool about this arena is that people can realize that there is not "one" self within us. We embody several entities and virtual worlds/communities can help us refine those identities.

Your question -- ever feel like this? The life I've dreamed about has arrived but I am woefully unprepared -- is a good one. I think most people feel this way, and it's not necessarily based on being depressed or being happy, but the fact that we get jostled more by the change that has occurred in our life than by the fact that we're woefully unprepared. Change, especially change we don't initiate but have to react to, always has a bit of uncomfortability to me. I would raise an eyebrow even at the happiest of person who didn't feel a bit disconcerting at the onset of change. You might think, "Yeah, a challenge, I can do all things," but that doesn't mean there isn't a flash of "Wow, this is new, what do I do now?"

As for your subject title, "should you change your self-mythology in 2010," I would say that should be an ongoing thing, not connected to a year per se. People always put SO MUCH on a new year and new year's resolutions, when it should be about what you can do every day to be better and get better. Allows you to handle that evolving self-mythology in more chunkable, bite size pieces.

PeAcE

Shon Bacon

author~editor~educator~everywoman 
http://shonbacon.com