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Picture this: You are looking at a photograph on an iPhone screen. It is a picture with dark lighting, three young teens (around 14) in a bed, squished together, the one in the middle has a blanket up to their neck smiling at the camera.
What image did that description conjure for you? Did you notice I left out the gender of the bunk mates? What did you automatically imagine? Think about how your reaction might be different based on the configuration -- boy in middle with two girls or girl in middle between two boys, or all of one gender. Do you feel yourself reacting differently to those images? I did. If you saw it on your kid's computer and it involved their classmate would you inform the parent?
The photo in question involved two girls, aged 13 and 14, and also a 12 year old boy who was sandwiched in the middle. It was taken at the home of my daughter's classmate during the party and posted online. My daughter was not at the party. She happened to be at a restaurant with a bunch of girls and a couple of parents when the photo came up on most of their phones. According to a parent who was at the table, immediately the girls reaction was, "Uh, oh. What's happening there?"
When I arrived to pick up my daughter, the photo was still being talked about by the girls and a couple of parents so I asked to see it. I must say it was one of those times as a parent where you kind of freeze with indecision. It was not cut and dry. The photo looked "kind of innocent," but only because the faces looked young -- too young to do anything in that bed...right? Clearly, the girls felt something was questionable in their friend's photo. It was just shy of very inappropriate in my opinion because I was assuming all hands were above deck -- or the blanket in this case.
There was something else though: The genders involved in the photo. That was a big piece for me. I have to admit seeing the boy in the middle made me a hell of a lot less uncomfortable than seeing a girl (read: one of my daughters) flanked by two boys in the bed. I knew what people would say if it were a girl in the middle of that bed. Here I was, thinking the same thing. Immediately, I realized my own sexist observation of the photo. Now, this was a boy. Just recently several mom's of the boys in the class had mentioned their discomfort about the aggressiveness of the girls in the grade. I knew some of them would be extremely unhappy if this were their son. Further, should the gender configuration really factor into appropriateness?
I understood where these moms were coming from since I had heard several of the girls were crushing on various boys in the grade and had orchestrated a number of lunches and movie nights so they could double date. Some of the girls have some serious interest in boys these days. I also knew from the grapevine several kids in the grade have started "dating" and making out. Further, the text under the photo suggested the boy in the pic would not be happy it was posted; in fact, someone remarked "M..is going to be pissed at you for posting that." That's what made me decide to make the phone call. It seemed he might not even know about the photo.
So, on second glance the photo and the text stopped looking so innocent. I didn't think it was particularly incendiary, but again I imagined my own daughter in the bed sandwich I thought I would want to know about it. I would want it taken down from public view. This is small stuff compared to posting naked pics, but these kids were not using good judgement here and what I might think is benign, another parent might think shocking.
I also know the mom hosting this gathering for her daughter. We've always had a very good rapport. I felt I should give her a heads up about the photo since the party was at her home. Another parent who knew the boy's mom decided to call her as well. I felt I would rather be informed than kept in the dark. I know from personal experience with my older
