SHUT that door, Girl! ..and Other Thoughts On Love
By Dee Nicole on February 04, 2013
Recently, I had a conversation with a good friend about her relationship--just girl talk, nothing special. We discussed the normal stuff: how deep the feelings were, was there a possible future? and of course- how good the sex is. *chuckle*
When I asked about her future plans with her beau, my friend replied that she and he had agreed to not label their situation but rather to make things official when they were each in a better place in life, financially- etc.
I listened intently, nodding and umhmm'ing appropriately--when suddenly, I was compelled to share some "older lady" wisdom about the 'un-labled' label.
I feel it's worth mentioning more than once, so I've decided to share it in this entry.
Obviously...I'm no REAL expert...so feel free to take this advice with a grain of salt....but here it is, anyway.
I have personally witnessed the demise of at LEAST 5 relationships behind the "unlabeled" status. In each case, the women felt pretty secure in their relationships, they felt that both she and he were waiting for the "right" time...only to find themselves left behind by their men and the men married off with other within 3 to 9 months of their breakup.
When polled, these men have generally replied that they really didn't know where the first group of women stood, so they felt inclined to search for a woman or they happened to find a woman who was more certain about being with them.
The first set of women's broken hearts aside, the trend of men who were seemingly unconcerned about marriage getting married, straight away, leads me to believe the following:
1. There's NO such thing as the "perfect" set of circumstances that need to be in place before you can define your relationship status (except being in relationships with other people). If you really love a man and want to be with him, be with him. Life will never be perfect, so stop waiting for it to be so.
2. Women underestimate what actions and attitudes men will perceive as rejection. Yeah, you're sleeping with him and hanging out but he may believe that you've decided to not "say he's your man" because you are keeping your options open until someone better comes along. If that were to happen, you saying you're "single" won't be a lie. It's what a man would do, so they expect nothing less from you.
3. More women than you think are watching, waiting and scheming to slide into the gap you've left open by not making things official with this man. There's enough competition out there, don't make it easy for these other women. Make it OBVIOUS that a chick is looking to take your man---I'm just saying...
4. Men need to know where things are going, too. Women aren't the only ones hoping for a permanent future with the one they love.
Men aren't really about talking about their feelings but if you learn to watch out for certain actions, you can easily tell when a man loves you.
If your man is displaying all the signs, don't keep him wondering if you feel the same way.
Lock him down girl!
True, there are no guarantees in life but there aren't as many uncertainties in life as some would have you believe, either.
Live life. Be yourself. If you've found love---grab a hold of it. What are you playing around for?
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