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Sparkle (0)
The Single Mother by Choice
What happened? That is the question people wonder when they hear that you are a single mother. I wonder that myself sometimes as I reflect on the past few years. The truth of it is that I chose to be here. No regrets, no whining, no victim here. I'm a single mother as a direct result of my choices.
I'm not a mother as a result of adoption or a sperm bank, I did it the old fashioned way good old unprotected sex. My child's father and I had been dating for over a year when I got pregnant. I was pushing 30. I was worried. My track record with relationships was CRAP. I had a very pessimistic outlook that I would find a dream man who would wisk me off and marry me, get pregnant, live in the burbs in my dream home. So instead of waiting for Mr. Right, I went with Mr. Right Now. I would like to say that we were planning on marriage and life together forever and we just happened to get pregnant first. That was not the case. We would never have ended up together, there were too many obstacles, too many differences. I see that now. I didn't want to see it then.
I was not shocked that I got pregnant. I had made my mind up around 28 that if I did not get pregnant naturally by the time I was 35 I was going to get myself a baby some how. The one part of my childhood dreams that I was not willing to give up was being a mother. I could pass on the wife, and the Architect/Singer/Supermodel that I wanted to be but I was not giving up on the mommy thing.
So I had a baby with a loser. Now at the time I had a list of his wonderful attributes that I was willing to tick off for anyone who asked(mostly my family). In my heart I knew he was at best a sperm doner. Sometimes I had visions of us being a family for a brief, breif, brief moment and then he would start talking. I actually never thought we would get married. We didn't. We would have been divorced by now.
To be honest even though we were "together" in the beginning I was always doing it on my own. We never lived together, and he would come around once or twice a week play Daddy and leave. We made it last for a little while but in the end he was gone and it was just me and my beautiful daughter.
It has been a challenge dealing with him and his family these past few years. More on that topic later but I have NO REGRETS. I am better off for having her in my life. My fears are that she will suffer as a result of my choice to be an unmarried mother. I worry that the minimal role her father plays in her life will cause her pain. I worry she will hate me one day. I worry I will fail her. I worry A LOT.
I stand by my choice. I don't regret it. I love that kid with all I have. I am proud to be a mother, and yes I'm proud when I say I'm a single mother. It evokes images of a strong woman who can do such an important job on her own. I have never felt shame for my choice. Not once.
