Single Mothers vs. Deadbeat Dads

Today someone left a comment on a blog post I did last year about Father's Day.  I took a lighthearted look at the differences between good Fathers, okay Fathers, Poor Fathers and worst of all - the absentee father who can make a baby but refuses to be anything remotely resembles a Father figure to his child.  (you can view that post HERE) 

 

 

 

Now, fast forward to today.  This is the interesting comment an anonymous woman left for me.  She wrote:

Anonymous  August 23, 2012

People that write articles like this Disgust me. You think you are perfect and can refer to someone as a "DONOR"! When will you Educate yourself. and follow a couple of rules
1- Women Stop being Sluts- Plain and simple- If you do not want the person to raise your children Dont Sleep with them.
2- Men- If you dont want to be a part of a childs life... Then go Jerk Off
But the part that bothers me the most is the word "Donor".  The Donor for my child was the Best man in the World. He gave me the gift of a Child and if I could meet the man that donated his sperm then I would hug the guy and say thanks. 

Now if you want to use a word that better fits your situation... How is- The Guy mommy liked to screw. Or the guy that Mommy was too stupid too know not to sleep with.

I was shocked at her comment, to say the least.  I never imagined someone would take offense and say the things this woman said.  Unbelievable!  

I had to reply. 

The first sentence I wrote was, "With that attitude, it is no wonder you don’t have a man in your life."   I stopped typing and smiled, "HA!  Take that you cranky woman!".   I stared at the screen of my laptop for a minute or two and then I promptly erased what I had just written.  Just because she is cranky and saying rude things, doesn't mean I have to do the same.    And so, I began typing again:

Reply by June  August 23, 2012

Dear Anonymous,
First let me say that anyone who knows me or reads this blog, knows I would never refer to myself as being perfect. Quite the opposite. I am a product of a life time of fixing my mistakes and tough situations. I was touched to read about the love and gratitude you have for the man who made it possible for you to become a mother. What a blessing, indeed. I understand completely how your experiences would leave you feeling defensive but my situation, like many other women, is very different from yours. 

I refer to my ex as a Sperm Donor because he jokingly called himself that when I wanted him to step up as my husband and the father of my child and do the right thing. I never received one single penny of support. He chose friends over his son and he beat the hell out of me whenever he got the chance. He hurt me in front of our son. He threatened to hurt our son when he was mad and he mocked my struggle as a single mom, to his other girlfriends. Everything I refer to in my blog post is based on something that actually happened to me.
When I wrote this post about Fathers, I was working with abused women and single mothers who have been in similar situations and I had just found out my ex had fathered other children over the past 20 years and was serving time in prison for a domestic violence charge. He was never a father.

As I sat down to write about Father’s Day I had all this information spinning around in my head and remembered how my ex had said to me that he owed my son and I nothing because he is “just a sperm donor”. He thought it was funny and I thought he was a pathetic excuse of a man. Thus, my comparison of Donor vs. loving Father. 

I don’t assume for one moment that my story is the rule when it comes to Fathers. I married an amazing man who instantly fell in love with a blonde headed little boy named Joshua. After years of disappointment and pain, I finally saw firsthand what a difference a real man makes in the life of a child.
My post was my attempt at bringing a bit of humor and lightheartedness to a serious topic while hopefully helping other women who have been left alone - bearing the responsibility of a job that was supposed to be shared by two.
I’m sorry you were offended but I think it is much more offensive to refer to mother's like me as "sluts". Are you really saying that if a man shirks his responsibility as a Father, that makes the mother of his child a slut? Shame on you. Either you live under a rock and have no grasp of the real world or you are just ignorant. I will assume you live under a rock because I cant imagine a normal woman saying the things you have said. Whatever the reason, I am really happy to hear you haven’t had to experience the type of hurt and frustration some mothers all over the world deal with daily. Thanks for your comment. It gave me a chance to clarify things a bit. 

Hopefully there are not many women like Anonymous.  Would you have replied to her comment?  What would you say to her?  Maybe the best thing to do is to delete or ignore the whole thing.  No matter the circumstances under which a woman becomes a single mother, we should all be supporting each other.  Not name calling and judging each other.  

 

http://simplyjunehaskell.blogspot.com/

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