- Share This Post
- Pin It
- 1
-
Sparkle (0)
I know that I am probably going to get shouted down but here goes - Modern parenting doesn't work! I fell for all the modern theories and raised my first child by the rules. I was a textbook modern parent. So I had to ask myself when she was about 10, why was I so frazzled and frustrated? Why was she not getting the rules? Why was I still teaching the same lessons over and over?! Why did she think she could argue with every decision?
Since then, I've gone back to my parents' way of parenting. I figured - if it ain't broke, why fix it? I have to say, there is no comparison. My 10 year old's behaviour improved within weeks and my two youngest kids are so much better behaved, having been raised the old fashioned way since they were babies, that I can safely state again - modern parenting methods don't work!
I've had a lot of time to think about why traditional parenting works so much better than modern parenting, and this is my theory:
1) my parents only had one response to misbehaviour - a smack on the hand. Modern parents have to explain, reason, try timeouts, consequences, grounding. All very complicated and confusing.
2) traditional parenting requires parents to remain calm and polite in any interaction with kids, especially when disciplining. This is easy to do when parents know how to respond on any occasion. It has the advantage of allowing kids to feel safe and loved at all times. Modern techniques all too often result in stressed and frustrated parents who end up losing their cool. This can be scary for kids.
3) discipline can start as soon as babies become mobile. That's a 2 or 3 year headstart on modern parenting methods which really require a child to be able to understand what parents are talking about.That's 3 years to teach rules and manners before they get to that I-wanna-be-independant stage.
4) smacking is the first response to any misbehaviour so the message is absorbed and understood immediately. Timeouts and consequences draw the discipline out so long that the child has often forgotten what the heck they were being disciplined for!
5) traditional parents are clear on what their response is going to be, so they are highly consistent, which results in kids learning the rules quickly. With modern parenting systems, the myriad of methods for different ages and misbehaviour means parents are never entirely sure how to respond, which in turn leads to inconsistency.
6) when a smack is the first and only response, parents don't end up in heated debates with their children. Modern parents try so hard to be reasonable that children feel they can argue about every decision and rule.
I know my ideas won't be popular because the media has so effectively linked smacking with child abuse but if you take the emotion out of it, it is clearly ridiculous to class smacking as violence. When I wrestle with my son on the rug, is that violence? When my husband smacks my bottom as I go by, is that violence? What about when my kids play knuckles with each other? A smack stings for a few seconds and is quickly over, and as long as it is never administered in anger, then it is just a correction.
Having a simple parenting system has made parenting so much easier for me. The lessons are learned quickly so I am not still trying to teach them to pick up after themselves as teenagers! Now I can focus on preparing my oldest for life.
What do you think about modern parenting? Does it work for you? What about the community in general?
