Sniffing the Vomit

Anne Kimball

Life on the Funny Farm

My youngest came to me yesterday morning before school, holding up a wad of papertowels soaked with a nasty, brownish substance.
"Mom? I threw up. But I cleaned it up."
He walked to the kitchen trash can and threw it out.
I lifted the lid, reached in and pulled out the paper towels. I held it up to my face and took a big whiff.
insert sound of needle scratching across record
What the...?

See folks, there's a backstory here.
This particular child of mine is, let's say, not fond of school.
In the past he has duped me (more than once, shame on me) into believing he was sick enough to miss school. Here are a few of his tactics:
*Fever: warmed his head with a space heater

*Diarrhea: put Hershey's cocoa powder in the toilet and swirled it around

*Vomiting: held water in his mouth (he can even talk a little bit this way) and then spit it up on the drive to school after it had been properly thickened with saliva.

 Oh and there's more. Trust me, there's more.
So obviously, my instinct to sniff the vomit had merit.
The result?
Cinnamon and water.
It looked good. Pretty realistic. Who knew? The kid's got talent.
If only he could use his powers for good instead of evil....


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