My Kids Made Me Wonder If I Am a Hypocrite

I just went to the main blog post to read in its entirety. I also read the comments. Now, please take everything I say with a grain of salt. I'm not a parent, so I'm not entirely sure how much credit my opinions should be given.

I don't fully understand the idea of a present that is "family property" as described by some of the commenters on the blog. If it's a present to him, it's his property. (A present to the family is family property.) If an item has strings/conditions attached at the time of its giving, it should be given with those conditions honestly stated from the start, not as a present.

I think, when I try putting myself in your shoes, I agree with the first commenter for your post the most, Wanda. Showing the Boy that taking care of others is important AND taking care of family is also important is a beautiful compromise, if it'll work. If you suggest that he pick one of the two toys to donate and strongly encourage him to save the other and plan it as a future gift from him to BamBam, that might be the best way to cover several bases: Donate, take care of family, and save a little something for the future.

That's what I'd discuss with him, at least. If I were in your shoes and he still insisted on giving them away after that, I'd let him do it because they are his items.

No matter what you decide (decided?), I realize this is is a very tough call! Thank you for sharing this dilemma and making me think about it.

I've had the same experience with my daughter. I don't know if it's her age (almost 5) or her personality, but she is not very attached to "stuff" and she's always open to donating her toys to kids in need. The problem is, if I ask her what she wants to give away she almost always points to the expensive toy she received recently, as opposed to the cheap and/or babyish toys she hasn't played with in years.

I recently found myself in a quandary when she told her friend (who'd come over for a playdate) that he could take one of her toys home with him to borrow for a while. It was something I had just bought for her, and one of her favorite toys. Inside I was thinking, "We can't let him take it...I just bought it!...what if we never get it back?!" But then I thought about how kind and generous it was, and how my main goal in life was to instill those qualities in my daughter. And so I watched that toy walk out the door. She never once worried about getting it back...she felt happy that she'd made her friend happy. And you can't argue with the sweetness of that.

First of all, what an awesome kid. Second, I tend to agree with him that they are his to give away, and the lesson of him learning to cheerfully give to those in need is powerful and well worth the (hundreds) of dollars those toys may have cost. I usually have to pry toys away from my kids, and sometimes have to resort to sneakiness to get them to give things away-- even though ideally, I'd like to them to learn to know when something is no longer of use to them and could be given to someone else. I realized that part of it is that I need to model it myself, in not buying so many clothes or lattes when I'm telling my kids we need to watch our budget.

Besides, how are you going to haul all those toys with you when you move to the orphanage in Thailand, huh?