No Mom Imagines Her Future Like This

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I imagined motherhood would be balloons and butterflies and, yes, some crying children, but nothing like what it really is. Which is both to say that it is more amazing and far more difficult than I ever could have imagined. Stephanie at Momma Be Thy Name recently had a difficult day and a series of thoughts about womanhood and motherhood and what it all means.

She gets to the point of realization:

152/365.I was spent. I sat on the couch like a zombie, watching my twins burn off the remainder of the day’s energy, dreaming of a beach, a mountain, the woods. Just somewhere else. I tried to go back in my mind and stop everything that’s happened over the last few months from happening. I tried to go back and keep my husband from becoming frustrated by my melodrama. I tried to go back and unbuy this house and everything in it. I tried to go back to the honeymoon that was replaced with a surprise pregnancy. But nothing worked. Every time I opened my eyes, I was still here. I was still here.

And it helped me to realize that we spend so much time dreaming of being an adult, so much time daydreaming about a Utopian and flawless future, so much time making decisions and plans, and setting up for the greatness that will rain upon you like tropical shower, but no one, and I mean no one, prepares for those days where you just can’t hack it, where it takes every fiber of your being not to grab the bottle of wine out of the fridge and wander off into the woods, where it takes a concerted effort not to resent every choice you’ve ever made, your reflection, your life. No one imagines their future like that.

And then you come back. Logic returns. The tears dry up. And you resign yourself to the fact that you’re an adult, this is your life, and you must put your big girl panties on and deal with it all. No matter how you feel.

Photo Credit: vocabulicious.

Read more from The Curse of Womanhood at Momma Be Thy Name

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