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Parenting, if you stop long enough to consider it, can really turn us into hypocrites. We all have a pretty good sense of what we need to teach, the lines we need to draw in the sand about behavior, honesty and more. I'm not about to start pointing fingers about who is feeding their kids HFCS or who is dropping f-bombs, my quest today is understanding that moment when we turn the mirror toward ourself and really see whether or not we are living up to our own instruction.
I have not been. I have been very angry, filled with resentment about things not going my way, about the gray area that allows people to cheat and not get caught. I don't want to cheat, but by god I want them to pay. It's futile, self defeating and, frankly, it's something I would have no patience for with my daughters.
I would tell them that life isn't fair, that we have to worry about ourselves and just do what we can to make sure that we are living in such a way that we are doing the work that needs doing and keeping our energies directed away from things we cannot control. I try to tell myself these things but I find myself literally consumed with fury.
I'm throwing in the towel. I refuse to carry the weight of disappointment and anger any longer. This last week has reminded me that you find what you seek, so to the fury and the unfairness I say, "I shall no longer seek you. Go, frolic in those places where anger and dissatisfaction fester."
My bitterness is my own and today I am setting it down. It's worth so little and when gone I can carry so much more. Joy. Peace. Hope. And, most importantly, I keep the promise to my family and beging to create a framework for them to live out of the shadow of anger.
Amanda
