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For someone like me, living in oh so open-minded Northern California, the tabloid press stories about celebrities’ sex lives are kinda puzzling. Every week, there’s a story outing some star’s sexual life:
“Gavin Rossdale’s ex-girlfriend is a man!”
“Lindsay Lohan is gay!”
“Will Smith is secret love of Tom Cruise—and his wife Jada’s on the down-lo!”
“Lady Gaga’s Poker Face is about how she really likes girls!”
Yeah, right.
Is the Bay area the only place in the world where the idea someone might be bisexual—rather than straight or gay—isn’t some super big deal?
Am I the only woman in North America who thinks that men who are open about their (occasional) interest in other men are appealing—and way hotter than fake bisexual Ms. Kate Perry (cover singer of “I kissed a girl,” the phoniest song on the planet)?
Apparently not.
Right now, despite the spate of racy headlines about Gavin Rossdale’s past with singer Marilyn, (cross-dressing, gender bending man/woman), male bisexualty is apparently cool—or at least flirting with it is.
In a recent piece at The Daily Beast, the wonderful Rachel Kramer Bussel writes about how the bisexually tinged “Bromance” is the new cool thing of the moment in celebrity land—or at least flirting with it is. While she recognizes a lot of the well-publicized chest bumping the fellas are engaging in is fake, she sez that doesn’t mean there isn’t something new happening.
Rachael says that a lot of the man-crushes are “faux”—no one’s getting truly sexual—but that the fact the straight male crowd can even just start to embrace their inner pansexual bi guy indicates some new hopes for the future. After all, when Jimmy Kimmel jokes “I Fucked Ben Afleck,” the world’s shifted, right?
Writing in Salon, Sarah Hepola echoes Kramer Bussel and adds that back in the day, male “slips in heterosexuality” were fodder for laughs, and notes that now the need to always define as straight has (somewhat) abated.
Says Hepola, “What was risky four years ago in "Brokeback Mountain" has almost become beside the point (not to mention award fodder) in movies like "Milk," so that James Franco can speak casually with "Fresh Air's Terry Gross about kissing Sean Penn, and it doesn't even generate headlines.”
And then of course, there are the “emo boy” Pete Wentz (married to Ashlee Simpson and father of a new baby) pix of the dude lip-locking with some other lip-liner-ed fella. That doesn’t seem to raise any eyebrows with anyone, does it?
So, ladies, here’s the deal--Is the question “Would you date a bi guy?” Or it is “Hey, why wouldn’t you?”
On the don’t go there side, there’s always the “What if he’s really gay?” thing.
After all, no one wants to be an unwitting beard, window dressing for the down lo. And anal sex is a high-risk practice that carries higher danger of AIDS transmission than many other things, so a girl’s gotta watch out.
On the other hand, if someone tells you’re they’re into guys—but they really like women, too, (or they like women, and an occasional guy), isn’t that kind of a comment about their flexibility and openness?
Are guys who are confident enough to admit they’re sometimes drawn to men potentially a lot more interesting? (And after all, practicing safe sex is common sense with anyone you sleep with, no matter the gender of his or her partners. And hey, herpes knows no bounds (just barriers).
So, ladies, what say you, in your dating life are the bi guys a yea, or a nay?
For my friend Lisa, the idea of a guy who plays with other men is repulsive. “I don't want someone who puts private parts in those places,” she says (a comment there is never an answer to). “It just turns me off.”
My friend Stephanie, on the other hand, looks out for the bi guys on Nerve and Okay Cupid and frequents bisexual meet ups as a way to seek out bi men. “I’m not so into women myself,” she says, “But I think bi guys are way more open minded.”
What do you mean? I ask.
“Oh, bi men who like women are adventurous,” she says. “And they’re better explorers, more interesting. They’ve worked the edges.” (Steph’s dated a gorgeous Irish scientist, a pagan poly programmer, and an emergency room physician since she began to focus on bi men, and each one of them has been fantastic in a lot of ways.)
I asked my friend Jediah,
