So, You Say You Like Us Mormons, Eh, Salon?

LOVE THIS POST!! :-)

you're such a great writer, natalie. i adore your blog.

i really hope you check this out, if you haven't already:

http://newordermormon.org/index.php

for "new order" mormons, perhaps like you and your hubby!

You mention you are Mormon - but not really what that means to you - I guess I would have to click on the "here and here" link to find out. Ah - so much reading.

I don't understand the church well b'c I am a Christian and have never even been to one. I did have a friend in the 80's that was worn out with all the service she had to do in the Mormon church. Never a dull moment I guess.

So what do you think of Jesus the savior of the world?

Some Mormons believe in Him and some just follow church teaching.

I mean - really - I only found out recently that Mormon churches are run by elders and that you don't even have a set person to preach - that talks are presented and I suppose then most of the congregation would have a say on the days you meet.

Or - I have it all wrong. :)
God bless anyway!

I don't think you can ever put people who belong to a certain group in a box - that's too constricting. Unfortunately, it's the sad reality when a lot of pieces (like the Salon article) get written. Thanks for your perspective, reminds me to keep an open mind.

With Love, Mah.

Blog ( http://www.pinkclarity.com )

Twitter ( http://www.blogher.com/twitter.com/mahkhon )

www.bornagainmormon.com ( http://www.bornagainmormon.com )
www.hotm.tv ( http://www.hotm.tv )
www.adamsroadband.com ( http://www.adamsroadband.com )

I have a bit of a Mormon fetish, myself. I think of Mormons as fellow queers. We have a lot in common, including anxiety about multiple moms--ha!
I also live my life according to fairly minority beliefs and I admire others who do the same.
If I actually were a Mormon housewife, I think I'd play up the stereotype just to mess with people. Ya'll go on with your bad selves.

"All that you have is your soul." Tracy Chapman

I'm surprised by the reaction to this article. I thought it was kind and had a lot of truth, thought not total truth for everyone. What more could you ask for? If you ask me, anyone who blogs and whom lots of people read and still blogs is asking to be looked at "like pandas," Mormon or not. Why is anyone reading your blog if not for entertainment? Journaling? Why do you have a public blog if not to be looked at? Maybe the article didn't perceive Mormons as some Mormons wanted to be perceived. Sure Mormons have problems, but what is so bad about being seen as happy? I hope many people can be seen as happy, non-Mormons included. I just think it goes to show that a lot of people have had a new/different look at Mormons because of blogs and what they see is good and interesting whether they want to be a Mormon or not. Each new interaction with a Mormon, or any group for that matter, gives us new and refined perspectives. I think it's a good thing and I am a Mormon, but I guess I don't fit the stereotype since I'm not slightly offended.

I totally agree. I know some great mormon mommy bloggers who break the mold too. check out Like Swimming.

I think that one mistake people often make when reading a personal blog, is that they assume because the writer is sharing personal information, that they are seeing the WHOLE picture. And that is far from the truth, at least it is in my case and I'm sure in most others as well.

I blog about my kids, primarily my autistic son. Some of it is good, some of it is terrible, I try to keep a balance of what I show the world. But I do not write about EVERYTHING in my life, there is a great deal I don't share even though it might seem like I am being extremely open about my life and my parenting. I am, but only about what I choose to be.

When you read a blog that makes you think "Pandas!" you should think to yourself, well, that's what it LOOKS like, but probably because that's all that writer is choosing to show us. It's possible that some really are shiny, happy, impossibly perfect, double-rainbow lives, sure. But probably not as many as it might seem on the surface.

http://planetjosh.squarespace.com

http://sarahndipity.onsugar.com

I love your response. As I read her post, I had a few questions running through my head:

1. There are plenty of blogs just like the ones she mentioned that aren't written by Mormons, so why is it so fascinating that these in particular ARE? She sounded like she was admiring precocious children and not intelligent women.

2. Why does my husband dress more like a hobo than like a lumberjack?

3. What should we blog about to seem more normal (and is that code for depressing?)?

My parents read my blog, as do my in-laws. I'm sure my father-in-law doesn't want to read about my menstrual cramps or the ovary I lost after my last baby (or why that one will always be my last baby).

And I don't want mom getting upset every time my husband does something insensitive. I don't call him "House" for nothing. It wouldn't be good for her health ;)

It comes down to this: we blog to connect. We love these blogs because they are written by fascinating women who we would like to know better. They aren't perfect. In fact, they're all pretty down-to-Earth -- that's what makes them so enjoyable. I don't think she gave them, or you, enough credit.

Oh, can I relate! I'm an Orthodox Jew, so nearly any time I go out in public it's showtime (especially in the summer when I'm wearing long sleeves...). I also almost always cringe whenever there's a piece written about my little subculture, as it's rarely flattering.

So, that said, I'm so glad that Emily's piece really was pretty flattering (look-at-the-pandas tone notwithstanding).

It's encouraging to read that being a housewife and mommy can be something other than "miserable, soul-destroying trap." Girls should know that it's (still) a valid choice for the thinking, intelligent woman.

p.s. I had no idea you had to deal with the "horn" thing, too. Seriously, what is that all about?

I blog about my shiny happy life at www.lifeinthemarriedlane.com ( http://www.lifeinthemarriedlane.com )

I know the Mormon-gazing was a large part of the reaction to Emily's article...not really a phenomenon I've run into so much.

But the deep-seated snarkiness that shines through when "Betty Crocker" is used as an insult is starting to get me.

The reaction I sometimes get to the fact that my daughter likes to bake with me and I'm teaching her to tidy up after herself could possibly be similar to what I'd get if I said I was teaching her to be a serial killer.

Is it a bad skill to have, cooking? Should I tell my daughter that cleaning is only for chumps? Should I pretend that I don't like to take care of my house and kids and husband (on the good days), in order to protect the delicate feelings of the liberated, who have thrown off the shackles of the freak show that is contented home life?

Oh dear. This is getting ranty. What I meant to say was: good article. Good writing. Thoughtful response, and great restraint.

The Mrs ( http://www.themrs.ca ) seems to be blogging a lot about books, kids, food, food failure, and eyeball surgery. Yes, it's another Mommy blog. Sorry.

Great response

SunnyB

www.andloveittoo.com ( http://www.andloveittoo.com )

Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't quite get where the "Mormonism" fits in in all of this. Especially since most of these bloggers don't even seem to talk about being Mormon in their blogs.

I know plenty of non-Mormon women who find absolute bliss in all things domestic. They spend their days making hand-cut, hand-stamped greeting cards, plan their child's birthday parties months in advance so they can start designing the cake, and take classes to learn how to paint perfect little fairies on bedroom walls.

I think the issue seems to be that these women are viewed as "trying to be perfect" to those who aren't interested in those same things. Maybe they are, maybe they're not. I think most of them just genuinely enjoy that stuff. And blogging is about chronicling what is important to YOU. Some people probably think it's really weird that I write about food. I think it's kind of weird that people devote entire blogs to nail polish. To each his own, right?

I think the salon article might have been better if it were written from the perspective of a non-domestic type secretly enjoying the lives of her domestic counterparts, as opposed to bringing religion into it.

www.quinoaandcornchips.blogspot.com ( http://www.quinoaandcornchips.blogspot.com )

So, if I am a Mormon/Mommy/Construction Worker/Waitress/Astronaut/Clerk/Chef/Author/Blogger, what does that make me? Pretty-much what most other bloggers are; a blogger who enjoys bein' in touch with other people an' sharing what we like to do. Now, you can try to choose which ones I can really lay-claim to. I've come really close to doin' all of 'em. Ain't life grand?

For the record, I have thoroughly enjoyed following both ends of the conversation, although some of the comments were uncalled for. For those who have been rude, I might ask if you would like to be treated the same way?

~ Yaya

I was going out to meet myself, but had to stop because
Myself was coming back from there; I wasn't where I was. ~ Yaya

Non-Mormon - I consider myself agnostic more than anything. Actually, I probably have a lot more in common with Emily than I do with you, aside from the fact that I am a stay at home mom. I still found her article to be incredibly patronizing. I'm an older mom with one child who chose to stay at home. I revel in my stay-at-homeness and I blog about it. We have bad days, of course. But why focus on that? I find, for myself, that by blogging about what's gone on, it helps me find the humor in it. I may blog about the bad parts of my day, but by the time I'm done with it, I've turned it into a funny blog post and I'm laughing about it. Or, I just skip it, because who wants to read it? And by skipping it, it makes me focus on what GOOD happened that day and changes my attitude. Cause we all know how that one little thing can ruin a good day if we let it. Yes, I bake, I decorate elaborate, non-sensical birthday cakes, or everyday cakes, just because it amuses my son. We make (really crappy) crafts. We do every single thing I can think of or read about or find online that is "cliche" and I love every second of it. If that makes me inferior in your eyes, or a spectacle, or a Panda or a unicorn or whatever, that's just fine. Go ahead and stare. I'll be over here having a ball with my kiddo. ;-)

I am a Mormon Mommy who blogs...but I never talk about the fact that I am a Mormon Mommy.

Possibly because my blog has nothing to do with Mormonism, although I do talk a lot about my experiences related to food and children because, well, my blog is all about food and I am a mommy and what mommy doesn’t take opportunity to talk about her children?

I have talked about Cub Scouts and Primary, I have talked about Sundays and Church, but I have never used the word “Mormon” on my blog.

I wonder what would happen if I did?

My life is far from sunshine and roses. ..

As it is with a majority of marriages in today’s world, I have a blended family. Meaning, I have been divorced, my husband has been divorced.

We have children, none of them biologically belong to both of us together, but they are all ours (no yours or mine about it).

We have financial struggles….eh, who doesn’t?

I work full time, he works full time. I do the cooking (read my blog, understand my food challenges and you’ll understand why that is), he does the yard work.

We fight. No a lot, but we do.

Our house gets dirty. Your house gets dirty.

Oh, and on occasion…a bit of profanity might slip from my lips.

I may be a Mormon, but I’m a lot more like you than you realize.

Emily’s article was enjoyable, although I definitely sensed a bit of the “look at the panda’s!” phenomena there.

Thank you for having the gumption (and courage) to respond so eloquently for those of us who do not openly discuss our religion.

Thank you also to the readers who have replied here…your comments have both been entertaining and enlightening.

Sunshine and roses,

SunnyB

www.andloveittoo.com ( http://www.andloveittoo.com )

I am a non-mom, non-mormon, single AAF (African-American Female) who is a United Methodist. I was taught, and believe that the Mormons were a cult, plain and simple. I do not judge, and I do not judge another person's beliefs. I just know what I believe, and that is Jesus is God's son, not just a prophet.

I do not walk up to people and ask who are you, and what is your beliefs. If I did that, who am I? I should not have to think that I am better than you, because you have a different belief system than I, or you are a different race. For that reason, I have gay friends, friends from different religions, and different races. I find common ground in other ways. I do that, because that is the way that Jesus taught all christians to be. The only problem is I wish that all christians thought that way. We are supposed to. I have two blogs, and none of them has a discussion about religion, except at the end on my post, I say, "God Bless You", and I pray that noone has a problem with that when they read my scrapbooking or my company's blog.
I am also sad that everyone are into stereotypes. People could say that I am a loud, bossy, emotional, angry AAF, but I am not. when others get finished talking to me for the first time, everyone tells me how sweet I am, and I not at all what they think. So I do not know about mormoms, I am telling you what I was taught, so do not slam me.

I am confused. Maybe I haven't read enough if these mormon mommy blogs to see where all the references to the shiny happy perfect mormon mommy lives are coming from. I am a mormon mommy who happens to blog and I can guarantee that if you read my blog you will be far from the opinion that my life is utopia or anywhere near it. My house is not an Anthropologie catalogue and I don't do crafts (anymore). My kids drive me batty but I love them. I love being a mormon, it's the best part of who I am. I'm glad Emily loves mormon blogs, they are the best ones (in my humble opinion) and if she loves them then who cares? It's the beauty of blogging. Read what you like and don't read what you don't like. I am still confused about the perfection that is portrayed in these blogs or at least in the opinions of some who read them. Maybe you need to be a mormon to see the actual "realism" hidden within. If they are portrayed with perfection then I say here, here. The church IS true!!

http://thedabelsdivulge.blogspot.com

Another former Mormon here with a slightly different perspective.

I have to say that as a whole, Mormon Mommy blogs are pretty much as described in the article. Many of them are honest and sincere, but many feel forced, a "Look, I'm really happy! See how happy I am! Really!" kind of thing. There's a formula and both types tend to follow it.

The reason they're lumped together is that the Mormon-ness of them is so up front and center. They give themselves that label more than they are given it by others. There are buttons or links to the church in the sidebar, entries quote scripture and talk about General Conference. While there are plenty of Mormon blogs that don't do this, the vast majority do. Which is why they get so lumped together. There are plenty of non-Mormon Mommy blogs with the same exact dynamics, the mix of sincerity and insistence. But the Mormon blogs link to other Mormon blogs, link to lds.org, and thus lend themselves to grouping. So once you get pegged as a Mormon blogger, that's where you go.

It is frustrating, I agree, and as someone who was regularly asked if I had two Moms and all sorts of other crazy stuff, it irks me. I wish there were more bloggers out there breaking the mold. The funny thing is that the big and popular ones generally do, it's the little ones, the ones for friends and family that stack up to create this impression.

And yes, I do stalk them. I can't stop and I don't know why. But I have plenty of Mormon friends so I don't need to seek them out.

Nat, whatever. My life is perfect and I'll prove . . . wait . . . people aren't really that into stretch pants? What if I call them leggings? http://comingtogrips.net

I love that we can all share our opinions, thoughts, and feelings freely. That's what is so fantastic about blogging.
We all have different views, lives, and things that make us happy.

I don't know about the Mormon lifestyle since I've never lived it.
I don't know about being 20 something in the current environment because I'm older (don't ask).

What I do know is we have things we want, things we can learn from each other, and things we judge people about that hold us back from being happy.
I also know that it's important to examine our views, opinions and choices sometimes to make sure they still fit.

Great read all around!

I too am a non-mom, non-Mormon, feminist who has read some of these too good to be true Mormon Mommy blogs.

In a way, and I shame myself for saying it, it is like "oooh pandas!" However, it's not just the Mormon Mommies who grab at my inner Martha Stewart/50's housewife, but also just about any Mommy Blogger who depicts her life as being oh so perfect (see Ree Drummond).

Do any of these women have bad days? While I'm blogging about being depressed because of the possibility of the onset of peri-menopause at 36 (supposedly brought on by my childlessness), none of these women, Mormon or not, have these amazing, sparklely clean lives. All hairs in place, meadows of wildflowers growing in the backyard, and nary a care in the world.

Pandas!

Honest to God, my best friend is Mormon and a blogger and her life is nothing like these super women/wives/mothers. She's an amazing mom but her life is not as photoshopped happy as some of these mommy bloggers. Her blogs entries are so much more realistic.

Not that I begrudge the Uber-Mommy-Bloggers their happiness; cuz who wouldn't want to live in Hidden Valley if they could. I wouldn't mind it at all as long as I had a maid, a nanny to take care of the poop, snot, and vomit and anything that smells...bad.

So the question I have is this: how real are the lives of these women? Of any of us who blog?

Yeah, I cringed while I read it. It wasn't bad but it was sort of strange. Personally I choose not to have any religion or politics on my blog(to the best of my ability)- am I Mormon? Am I a Democrat? Am I Agnostic?

Does it matter?

And there are plenty of wonderful women to read on the net that aren't Mormon but have the same crafty, shiny, happy, wonderful looking lives.

'Sides. I figure who wants to read about my whiny, negative stuff when they have plenty going on in their own lives? I don't make stuff up, but you bet I won't give you the rundown of my Christmas Family Dramaz or the 'fight' the hubs and I got into over kitty litter.

http://crazygreenmommy.blogspot.com

I'm so glad you responded to this article. I read it also and thought it was interesting...I've never even thought that people would actually be attracted to the 'perfect' shiny, happy lifestyle of us Mormons. But the comments were horrible to read, and prompted me to write my own response on my blog. Here's the link if you're interested:

http://www.honeybearlane.com/2011/01/in-defense-of...

Yay for being a Unicorn!

I read all the mommy blogs I can where the moms are in fact REAL. They share their triumphs & defeats & the late nights & struggles. It's real life that's interesting. And even though most of my high school was mormon & a lot of my friends were too, we never got into it about religion & I never understood it before now. I should these friends are all well educated, feminist, open minded, & beautiful people. I have learned so much about your faith from these blogs & I am appreciative to have been exposed to it in such a true light. I am a fan of REAL mommy bloggers, many of which happen to be mormon.

xo, Shannon

www.livingwithumami.com ( http://www.livingwithumami.com )@withumami
on twitter

I don't think Emily meant you or any other blogger any harm, either, but it seemed a little patronizing to me -- whether or not she intended it that way.

You are not a character in some Mormon TV show -- you're a person. Which you captured perfectly here.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy ( http://bit.ly/Qp0sS ) and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ). She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy ( http://bit.ly/Qp0sS ) and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ). She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Although the the light was mostly flattering in the salon article, I also couldn't help but cringe when I read it. While Emily seemed well intentioned,I don't want people looking in on my Mormon mommy blog to point and stare and honestly to think to themselves here's another blogger who isn't real. Real in the sense that maybe I cussed while I was trying desperately to type this comment on the new ipad and it wasn't working so well. Because in all reality I probably did let something profane slip. And now people are going to check out the mormons blog to see her slip up.
What does that make us all? Real people, people.
I'm a Mormon and I make mistakes, life isn't always chocolate cake, I'm a mom and I think my kids could have done better most days but i will teach them to respect everyones beliefs even if it's unrealistic to them and I would hope every mom does the same. It looks like emily's did.
I blog at crhatchfamily.blogspot.com about out of body unicorn experiences.

SO, this is the dreaded comment, itn't it (said like Ursula from The Little Mermaid)? the comment from the former Mormon.

but don't worry, I won't bash or anything. I was raised Mormon but now I'm a liberal queer atheist. I've seen both sides and, trust me, both sides have meant defending my beliefs repeatedly. oh yes. I never take the easy road.

nonetheless, I do know what you're saying. as a kid, I went to Christian school and I heard ALL the crazy stuff I supposedly believed. if there's a rumor about Mormons, I've defended it. and these days? I think of the church as that older sibling I don't like very much. I can pick on it, but if someone else does, it is on like donkey kong.

here's what it is though: it's not the "Mormon" thing. it's difference. it's mystery. people are scared of what they don't understand and so they attack or they stereotype or they make fun. trust me, my Mormon friends do that to me because of my sexuality. it goes both ways.

but surviving all that means letting it roll off your back. and using your voice to assuage the fear.

and I do lurve Big Love, but we all know it's not really about Mormons. though there are some in it.

and would wear them. Unfortunately, I am a bit too domestic or something because I cook and blog about that...and our six kids.

Retro-Food.com

i've followed this whole bruhaha just a bit -- and as non-mom, non-mormon, non-nyc-living, non-lumberjack-husband-having woman, i get it on both sides. i do. i see the appeal emily speaks of and i chafe at the 'look at the pandas!' quality of her excitement.

and this? is bar none the classiest response i could ever have imagined. more power to you.

I read the Salon article before I saw some of my favorite Mormon bloggers blogging about it and the article made me cringe.

It wasn't that it was bad or mean or judgmental or even wrong - it was exactly what you said, "Look at the Pandas!"

And I know how that feels.

I'm a lesbian. With six kids.

Yea. Go ahead and stare. I'm used to it.

I usually smile at these feel-good stories and mean-well comments and am thankful that they aren't calling us evil names but all too often it just feels like feeding time at the zoo.

Why do we need to write these kinds of pieces about the "other" - is it really shocking that "Mormon mom bloggers" are educated and happy and really just like any of "the rest of us"?

There's so much "otherness" in the world and there shouldn't be -- I can't get my woman to wear lumberjack shirts either. Darn it.

:-)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

Imagine the confusion of my friends and family when I converted to the Mormon church in college. "But you're intelligent! You're opinionated! You want an education! And...well...you're LIBERAL!" All things, I assured them, that were not on a "things we won't allow" checklist for baptism. Still to this day I'm too conservative for non-Mormon friends and family and too liberal for Mormon friends and family. I just can't seem to win. ;)

Apparently, I also can't seem to win when I choose to look past some bona fide struggles in my life and focus on what is most positive and hopefully most universal on my blog. No, it's not all sunshine and roses, but I hope what I write still qualifies as "real" AND "redeeming."

Stacey Nerdin is a busy mom of five currently living in the Houston metro area.  On her blog Tree, Root, and Twig ( http://treerootandtwig.com ), she writes a dynamic mix of personal, parenting, and product posts.

Thanks for writing this. I read Emily's article and I was wondering what kind of comment's it would get. My personal favorite is "Isn't it true that you have to have kids right after you get married or you get kicked out."

Blogging about Love, Life and Law School at

http://seewhitloveit.blogspot.com/