So Your Partner's A Crossdresser: Now, What?

4.  Remember that you need to keep both of your needs in mind. It is very unlikely, and very difficult, for a crossdresser to stop dressing. I would never presume to say that it can't be done, every person is different; but everything I've read says it is detrimental to the relationship. It often leads to either some substitute for the dressing, subterfuge to continue the dressing, or an underlying resentment because he can't crossdress. Again, I can't stress enough that every person is different, but these are the most prevalent outcomes.

5. If practical for you, I recommend couples counseling--I've been married for 15 years, and I recommend it to EVERYONE. It is a fact that sometimes, you just can't hear what your partner is saying. You hear the words, but you haven't realized the meaning, and a good therapist teaches you the right questions and can help you set up practices that are good for every facet of a relationship. (ie, what is the most important thing to you in the relationship in order for it to continue? For me it was and always will be trust/honesty.) I found that a third person with no stake in the relationship (the therapist/counselor) was able to sort of "interpret" what we were saying, or at least give us the tools to explain ourselves better. We had couples counseling years ago and are still reaping the benefits of it.

6. The novelty will pass! After a period of dressing up every time he was home, Coffeeguy became much more trusting of the fact that I wasn't going anywhere, I wasn't going to change my mind and tell him he couldn't dress anymore, and I wasn't going to pull away from him emotionally, because we had adjusted to this together. That realization meant that he no longer felt the need to "binge dress"--he could dress or not dress, and sometimes he liked doing one, sometimes he liked doing the other. And I'm ok with either, because whether he's dressed as a man or a woman, he's still MY Coffeeguy.

7. Communication (again!) Lastly, I am here to listen, and am willing to answer questions if you need it, but I hope you and your partner are able to navigate through this successfully together. As I said before, communication is the most important tool you have. Take time to share your feelings, and take your partner's feelings into account as well. Communication is like a muscle--the more you use it, the stronger it becomes. So flex that muscle!



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I'm a 40 something year old with two tweens and a new baby. This is my effort to keep my sanity after leaving the workforce, taking up breastfeeding, and managing the kids. I'm mostly failing at it.

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