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I believed as a teenager that if I were just pretty enough and smart enough and funny enough, that everyone would love me. I am an optimist and since it was clear that everyone did not love me, it followed that I must be challenged in one of the above referenced areas. Therefore I should just keep trying to be prettier, smarter and funnier for social bliss to ultimately come my way.
Thirty years later, when this did not work, no matter how I tried, I have become a bitter and hateful human being. Okay, okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. At this more advanced stage of my life, I have a better view of the big picture and have begun to understand how things work a tiny little bit better. But not always. Sometimes I just wish I looked like Anne Hathaway (though her beauty did not really help her with her love issues, which I take as a sign, either of hope or complete despair for the rest of us mortals.)
I have pledged my soul to more ad campaigns than I can fully remember. I was certain if I used the right products, my skin would be smooth and glowing. Everything in my cabinet is about age defiance. I have sworn an oath to the youth culture in my buying habits and even in a terrible recession I can’t help but notice that the cosmetic companies seem to be doing just fine.
I haven’t heard a word about mass bankruptcies among plastic surgeons, and the spa industry also appears to be holding it’s own. This country’s economy will never truly fail as long as we can keep everyone convinced that they are struggling with ugly, verging on obesity and that no one will truly love them until they, for the love of god, do something about their appearance.
And now I will add another wrinkle, although in my case, it feels like a lot more wrinkles (pun intended). I chose, in conflict with my internal vision of femininity, a profession that has been considered the special territory of men since it’s inception. And thus, like many women in sports or other activities that require both physical and emotional strength for success, I entered the “manly girls” club. And this, friends is what made the concern for appearance and physical perfection as defined by the culture of beautiful youth into even more of an obsession. It is possible this paradox of gender roles has also caused me to suffer from a touch more social anxiety than I might have, otherwise.
In human behavior studies the term, “Social Anxiety” describes the fear of evaluation or scrutiny from others. Social anxiety is seen as a normal part of development as we grow up, peaking in adolescence. We can all remember the agony of worry about our appearance that we suffered in high school. This particular form of anxiety often follows us into adulthood in the form of shyness, fear of public speaking, etc.
Some folks, around 15 million of them in America alone, suffer this phobia to the extent that it develops into social anxiety disorder. The woman who can’t even bring herself to go grocery shopping because she feels everyone is watching her and judging her appearance, or the way she walks or some other irrational concern is a good example of this relatively normal trait on steroids.
Do you have medicine cabinets loaded to the brim with beauty supplies? Do they tend to say things like “age defying,” “perfect whatever,” ” spa treatment,” “wrinkle reducing, “glowing,” “enhancing,” “smoothing,” “slimming,” “diminishing,” etc,. etc., etc..
The marketing media is capitalizing on the normal amount of social anxiety inherent in all of us. Billboards, television, magazines, movies and the internet all conspire to create an image that we attempt to emulate and thus be loved and admired by all who view us. Newsflash: it’s largely unattainable. And this small fact amounts to an inexhaustible hunger for products designed to attain the unattainable.
It’s brilliant marketing for businesses making a living on these products. Sadly, it is hard on the host, namely: regular humans seeking connection and approval from other humans in our culture.
For myself, I live in a struggle with the duality of conflicting roles. At work, and in the athletic hobbies that I enjoy, I wish to be accepted as a capable equal who can succeed shoulder to shoulder with my male colleagues without losing touch with my femininity or being viewed as “manly.” Fed by media images, like Angelina Jolie as Laura Croft
