Social Media is for Introverts!

Mashable CEO Pete Cashmore recently outed himself as an introvert. The news was somewhat surprising given that Pete socializes extensively both online and off. I know, I have proof. That's me pictured below with Pete in the crappy cell phone picture at BlogHer '08 after @QueenofSpain kidnapped him off the streets of San Francisco when we randomly passed him by.

Pete was glued to his smart phone all night but nonetheless hung out for hours with a motley crew of mostly strangers and even shook his hips a couple of times along with the belly dancer who entertained us at dinner. I suspect like me though he went home and slept deeply in order to recharge.

Introverts conjure up images of anti-social hermits. Yet some of the biggest users of social media consider themselves introverts. Pete's confession was prompted by an exchange he saw on twitter between Suebob and Guy Kawasaki. Guy wrote:

@suebob You may find this hard to believe, but I am an introvert. I have a "role" to play, but I fundamentally am a loner.

At the time Guy's avatar featured him wearing a pink boa from, I believe, the large party he threw at his house with Kirtsy before BlogHer. Again, Guy Kawasaki an introvert? Does not compute.

However, as I write this, 646 people have voted in the Mashable poll and 57% identified themselves as introverts. A mere 15% picked extrovert and most of the rest chose "both."

But, as Pete points out in his post:

And yet, social media pushes us further and further towards openness: from constant updates of your location to live video streaming to instant photo uploads. How, then, do we consolidate the assumed introversion of the early adopter with this tidal wave of online media sharing?

I'm trying to figure out an answer to that question myself. I follow 650+ people on twitter so that apparently makes me a power user. However, in my quest to push myself to get out of the house and socialize more IRL, I went to the SF Mashable party and quickly fled as it was crowded, packed with strangers and I felt all the energy being sapped right out of me.

I think the answer lies somewhere in the ability of social media to allow introverts to be social while home alone safely ensconced behind our keyboards. But none of us can live without human contact lest we devolve into the unabomber. So where's the balance?

Do you have any thoughts or answers for Pete's question or mine? Does social media help you "overcome" your introversion or make you feel "forced" to be more social?

A sampling of blogging introverts:

New Kid on the Hallway laments:

I think orientation actually stresses me out more than classes starting, because so much of orientation is social - tomorrow we have a two-hour lunch in which to get to know each other, a bunch of other socializing-type breaks, and I signed up to go to a Fun Social Event in the evening (though I am allowing myself to consider ditching it if by that time I'm feeling completely wiped from being around strangers all day)

mcecchin at Perfectly Turbulent is keeping his inner introvert at bay by taking improv lessons at Second City:

Social interactions don’t come along easily for everyone. For me, I think I straddle the fence between extrovert and introvert. I love large gatherings and social functions, but sometimes find myself experiencing strong urges to crawl back into my cave in utter silence.

Lisa Barone wrote The Introvert's Guide To Conference Networking - bookmark this one for the next BlogHer gathering.

Head over to She Walks Softly to see the Introvert Sweater.

Dorthea at Alaskan Girl shares her Confessions of a Single Introvert

I like being alone. It allows me to get my bearings and center myself, recharge my batteries, and truly relax. But I also love being with friends and around people. It's a delicate balance.

Meghan Wier at Ramblings of An Insomniac: Diary of a Sleepless Introvert has tips for introverted socializing:

My next idea is Craigslist. There is a section for "platonic" relationships and I have looked at this a few times. Now, a word of warning: like all "online meeting" be careful. There are definitely people who will misrepresent themselves. But I met one of my very good friends here in Charlotte on Craigslist.

Submitted by Maria Niles (view blog

) on Wed, 08/20/2008 - 01:24

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I think it's misuse of the word "introvert"

I would really prefer to stay home, where it's quiet and not crowded and where I can have more control over who I socialize with, how I socialize and when I socialize. I think it's about control and personal/biz/networking management.

I prefer being able to turn socializing off and on, as it suits my needs. You can't do that at a crowded party or at a bar or a conference. Someone is always there to talk to and shutting down causes people to think you're either rude, angry or upset. None of which are really the case.

I also prefer to mutli-socialize and while you can do that in a large group, you're pretty much forced to all discuss the same thing - all at the same time. With social media I am talking to you, about socializing but on Twitter I'm answering a DM about politics. I've also got a message board window open to talk about job hunting.

I'm not an introvert, I just want to talk to you in the way that suits me. ;-)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

Submitted by Denise on Wed, 08/20/2008 - 06:07

Sounds like an introvert

"I would really prefer to stay home, where it's quiet and not crowded" If you were extroverted you'd feed off that crowd energy.

I don't think introverted = anti-social but I do think there's something to the notion that showing yourself off to the world, unfiltered whether in a crowd or behind a keyboard requires a touch of extroversion. Wanting to control the experience so it doesn't overwhelm, drain or frustrate you would, to me, explain well the appeal of social media to introverts.

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Submitted by Maria Niles on Fri, 08/22/2008 - 07:51

I'm an Introvert

I think Denise has a good point...we like to talk in a way that suits each of us individually, however I would say I am an introvert and very much prefer to socialize "behind the screen." I guess I just feel like I can get my opinion in on a topic without having to see the look on someones face if they disagree with me or think I'm off in left field. I guess it's the look of rejection that I dislike where as here its just a discussion.

I like social media, I think it levels the playing field and provides the opening for those who are experts in their field the opportunity to interact with others who are just beginning.

Great Post!
~K

Submitted by Kel on Wed, 08/20/2008 - 06:39

Thanks, Kel

Thanks for your comments and I thought this was a particularly interesting insight:

"I guess it's the look of rejection that I dislike where as here its just a discussion."

That makes sense and also kind of challenges the oft-heard wisdom that we have to add smiley faces and other emoticons to our online conversations because of the loss of expression cues you have face-to-face. But you make a good point that sometimes not having those expressions can actually facilitate a more comfortable experience.

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Submitted by Maria Niles on Fri, 08/22/2008 - 07:54

Introversion definition

Denise, i think you may be just making up your own definition of introversion ;) Actually i did just look up the word and found something shocking: The official dictionary definitions of introverts, introverted, introversion include an element of "self-centeredness"! I had never thought of it that way at all.

I always use the whole: if being around people energizes you-extrovert, if it drains you=introvert. And for that reason I've always said I may be outgoing, but i'm far more introverted than people realize. What maria describes above about leaving functions that are too crowded...do it all the time. Or I skip them altogether.

When the S.O. and I drive home from a party, he wants to chatter about it...i want complete peace and quiet. People think I'm the extrovert, and he (the software developer) is the introvert. I think people are wrong!

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Submitted by Elisa Camahort on Wed, 08/20/2008 - 06:40

Well it is all about me, after all

Self-centered and control freakish. I don't find either to be negative. If you know who you are and what works for you then you should stick with that. :-)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

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Submitted by Denise on Wed, 08/20/2008 - 06:49

Not usually

No, it isn't a problem as long as you don't drive people insane with it. Of course, your self-centered isn't really that self-centered. Control freak yes, but we love you for it.

~TW

Retro-Food

Submitted by TW on Wed, 08/20/2008 - 08:48

Where you get your energy, and how you
process

The Myers-Briggs definition of introversion/extroversion does focus a lot on where people get their energy, as you point out.

At a previous job, after an intense all-company meeting, my good friend (an introvert) would have to go to her office and shut the door. Whereas I (the extrovert) would flit about the office wanting to talk to everyone. It was a classic expression of our tendencies.

Also, Myers-Briggs looks at how people process information. I am almost stupid when it comes to processing internally, like, it's nearly impossible for me. I either have to talk through my thought process (even if I'm alone), or I write through it. I have to process externally. I can almost never come to a coherent solution if I haven't talked/written it out.

(Sorry, Elisa: that's why all my answers are so long-winded! I'm actually processing as I speak.)

I am always amazed at how introverts can think, to themselves, and then know what they are going to say BEFORE they speak. Imagine! :)

---
Kristy Sammis
BlogHer's Conference & Event Planner
e. kristy@blogher.com

Submitted by Kristy Sammis on Wed, 08/20/2008 - 08:57

That's fascinating about how people process
info

Thanks for that further data point, kristy.

I find it particularly fascinating because I compose things in my head first, then just pretty much write single drafts of what was in there waiting to be typed out.

More introversion evidence!

Elisa Camahort Page
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Submitted by Elisa Camahort on Wed, 08/20/2008 - 09:00

Kristy's point ...

... is truly useful as a sales technique as well. When pitching something big, I always ask up-front, Would you like to review this beforehand or would you like me to present it to you? They may not be familiar with M-B or E-I concepts but they ALWAYS know which is their own preference.

Alanna Kellogg
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A Veggie Venture

Submitted by Alanna Kellogg on Wed, 08/20/2008 - 14:09

Review, please

But you know that.

Seriously, an excellent point. I'm going to file this little tidbit.

k a r i n a

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Submitted by Karina Allrich on Wed, 08/20/2008 - 15:13

You're right ...

... I wouldn't need to ask you! I've found it most powerful in my corporate life --

Alanna Kellogg
Kitchen Parade &
A Veggie Venture

Submitted by Alanna Kellogg on Wed, 08/20/2008 - 18:43

Brilliant tip, Alanna

Adding to my toolbox immediately!

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Submitted by Maria Niles on Fri, 08/22/2008 - 08:05

This is why people like me need people like
you, Elisa

I write as I think, literally, which means that the thought of composing something in my head in its entirety makes my brain hurt. :)

(Thankfully I do edit myself, compulsively. Most of the time. ;))

Laurie

Submitted by lauriewrites on Fri, 08/22/2008 - 09:23

Now to examine my processing

Fascinating - thank you, Kristy! I might be a hybrid. Like Elisa, I write things out mostly fully-formed after composing and editing in my head. But talking through concepts and bigger picture ideas is also my common approach. Hmmm. I'm going to be super curious now!

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Submitted by Maria Niles on Fri, 08/22/2008 - 08:00

Spot-on, Kristy.

I'm an ENFP with a liberal splash of social anxiety (witness the incessant nervous talking) so it's all kinds of fun around here.

At my counseling job at the college where I've worked for several years, we all have our offices, and then a big central area where we see students. I always hijack a space out there, or I work the triage desk, because I cannot bear to be in my office away from the action until I get tired and need to go away. Out there I can also ask questions, run stuff by people, needle the math professors with dumb fraction jokes, etc., etc. Colleagues are continually amazed that I actually want to do this...it just works for me *and I do help, not just there for the party.

I can use my head enough to get myself fed and clothed but cannot process anything of any consequence without speaking, which makes me a joy to live with, I assure you. Writing it down is second best. GET IT OUT, OUT OF MY HEAD, that's the key. ;)

My sister calls me "short story long". ;)

Laurie

Submitted by lauriewrites on Fri, 08/22/2008 - 08:48

Self centered doesn't have to be a bad thing

If it means looking inward and drawing your energy from that center of yourself vs. other people rather than ego-driven narcissism.

In that case, I'd agree with Denise that I too am a self-centered control freak ;)

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Submitted by Maria Niles on Fri, 08/22/2008 - 07:57

I agree: I think it has to do with control
for introverts

As an introvert, I like to keep to myself. I am OK spending the day
at home, surfing the Web, talking with my children, and letting life
pass me by. When I need to be "on"--at a conference or a party, I can do that. But I need to have complete quiet afterward and somewhere to take a nap. It completely drains me physically and emotionally.

I think the reason I like interacting on Twitter, and even FaceBook,
is that I have the control. I don't have to keep up a conversation. I
can pick up anywhere and make a comment or not make a comment. I have
complete control over how I interact with others and have no obligation
to be "on".

Melanie
Blogging Basics 101
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Submitted by Melanie Nelson on Wed, 08/20/2008 - 07:39

No one would ever accuse me of being
introverted...

Especially those who've seen me at karaoke.

Ahem.

For me there's more to social media than the social aspect; there's the media aspect. This is in many ways a medium not just for communication or "socializing," but for creativity, expression, writing, thinking, philosophizing, jotting down bad puns...

Social media engages both my creative and my social side. Even the antisocial side. That's what lurking is, right?

I can understand the appeal to introverts. But I can understand the appeal to creative extroverts as well.

Mom-101

Cool Mom Picks.com

Submitted by Mom101 on Wed, 08/20/2008 - 10:49

Thanks!

Thanks for sharing the extrovert perspective. And the appeal to creative extroverts makes a lot of sense.

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Submitted by Maria Niles on Fri, 08/22/2008 - 08:01

Compose it first

I hadn't even thought about the thinking aspect of it...I typically compose it in my head before it ever makes its way onto paper or into the bloggysphere.

Submitted by Kel on Wed, 08/20/2008 - 11:03

No idea what you people are talking about

...after all this extrovert was the one who grabbed Cashmore off the streets of SF.

lol

Politics & News Contributing Editor
Queen of Spain

Submitted by Erin Kotecki Vest on Wed, 08/20/2008 - 13:27

Ahem, yeah

I'm tempted to trot out the hoary old cliche that if you look up "extrovert" in the dictionary, your picture would be there. And, hey, look - I just did! ;)

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Submitted by Maria Niles on Fri, 08/22/2008 - 08:02

Introverts take to...

social media like a duck to water. This introvert, anyway. IRL social interaction with more than two or three people- at most- is often simply overwhelming. Too much information, stimulation, noise, distraction.

I also think it has to do with not only where you derive your energy but how you process information. Also how you respond to the information. I'm not only an introvert, I'm a visual thinker; so when I am listening or engaging in communication I first see images; I then must translate what I *see* into the right words. This takes practice and time. Social media allows me this luxury.

Although I confess I can also feel completely overwhelmed by Twitter and e-mail. Then I know it's time to go for a walk. With my iPod. And just think.

k a r i n a

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Submitted by Karina Allrich on Wed, 08/20/2008 - 15:08

Another great insight!

I'm a visual thinker; so when I am listening or engaging in communication I first see images; I then must translate what I *see* into the right words. This takes practice and time. Social media allows me this luxury.

Y'all are giving me such great lightbulb moments. Me too with the visual thinking! That makes so much sense.

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Submitted by Maria Niles on Fri, 08/22/2008 - 08:04

I'm an introvert by any

I'm an introvert by any definition you might use for it! And I feel shy even on the internet - but its easier than talking to people in person. I still have to force myself sometimes.

Crowds drain my energy too.

When I hear some people call themselves introverts it reminds me of Princess Bride - 'I do not think you know what that word means'!

from my blog: 12 Things You Can Do To Set a Healthy Example for Your Kids - can you think of any others to add to the list?

Submitted by Trisha on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 14:42