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Ahhh... this is a BIG one.
Here on And Then She Saved I get this question a lot: "How do you have a social life, keep your friends AND do a Spending Fast?!"
This is a question and topic that has proven itself to be a major source of trouble for people who decide to take on a Spending Fast.
I want to give a hearty Thank You to Katherine for letting me share her recent question with you- Thanks Katherine! (I said that heart-i-ly over here. I only wish you could have heard it. It was pretty good.)
Subject: Reducing debt and having a social life?
Message:
Hi Anna-
I love, love your blog! Your honesty is terrific. I REALLY want to reduce my debt, but my social life does me in. I have several good girlfriends that either never have to worry about money or simply choose not to...because I just can't keep up with their lifestyle. It's nothing crazy, but I really can't afford drinks and dinner out multiple times a week. How did you survive a year of not eating out and keep your friends? I do suggest cheap or free activities, but inevitably activities costing money come up. Tips for how to survive?
Thanks! And keep up the posts!
Katherine
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Hi Katherine,
Thank you for your email and niceness!
The friend/social thing is tricky. It was crazy when I realized how much money came into play with my interactions with people. I have to admit there were some very awkward times during the Spending Fast in relation to doing things with others. The people in my life were used to me doing things with them (everything) and then suddenly I wasn't able to do all of the same things with them anymore. People didn't like it and they ended up feeling sorry for me and they would offer to buy whatever for me so I could participate in whatever was going on which totally was not the point of the Spending Fast so even having them offer seemed to make things *feel* awkward! I would tell them "Thanks, but No Thanks, I decided to this so I'm gonna do it". I think the key is to make it seem like you're not having a hard time with doing the Spending Fast and that you're not like "Woe is me, look at me suffering over here..." friends don't want to see their friends suffer, you know.
Some suggestions: If you continue to feel pressured, then give your buds an explanation and be honest if you can't afford to do something AND then seriously, don't do it. Be matter-of-fact about it. Don't dwell on not being able to do something. Move on to another subject. Suggest something else to do. If the friend persists in their questioning or if they insist on paying so you can participate tell them all about what you are doing and why, tell them that you're going to be in a better place at the end of the Spending Fast and that's why you're doing it in the 1st place... that will go a long way in helping the situation.
Some more suggestions: Go along with your friends and do the cheapest (read: free) version of whatever they are doing. For example, if they are going for drinks get a tonic or tap water with lime so it LOOKS like a drink and no one will give you grief (I've found most places charge for tonic and soda water so tap water is usually the best free option available. Also, bring shooters from the liquor store and stash in your purse if you want to drink... those will be A LOT cheaper than drinking at the bars). Have drinks at someone's (or your) house before you all go out. If it's dinner out that they're doing, find a friend to split an appetizer with or eat dinner at home before you go or just eat the free bread the restaurant offers and have your tonic/tap water. Just don't make it a big deal that you're not spending money. Have a great time. Don't focus on the not being able to spend money part. It's not about spending money it's about spending time with your friends and the money-spending-part is just a common side-effect of hanging out with friends. You're being pro-active and doing what you need to do to get yourself out of debt. It's a very good and responsible thing to undertake.
Also, I think you might be surprised how many
