Some Clarification on Should Polyamorous Parents Raise a Child Together?
By jacqueline.allain on January 08, 2012
A few days ago, I wrote about three polyamorous adults raising a child together. It sparked a lot of debate and criticism, which I really appreciate. I just want to clarify a few things, though:
1. The title "Should Polyamorous Parents Raise a Child" upset many people. I just want to make it be known that I did not choose that title. Originally it was, "Polyamory on Good Morning America." I would never say that someone should or should not have kids (except in extreme situations of abuse). I don't think it's my place to tell people what to do with their bodies and their lives.
2. It appears that Jaiya Ma made a BlogHer account so she could comment. She wrote:
"Jaiya, here... had to chime in to give some clarity to our story. Thank you all for a great conversation about open-relationships and raising children. It's so great to hear people talking about these things. I have two things to clarify. 1- Notice in the interview on GMA that I never said that Jon was an "old" shoe. I said that he was a "comfortable" shoe and that is a big difference. The reporter actually said that he was the old shoe... I corrected her again after this but they cut that part out. 2- The quote "is one enough, two enough etc." was taken completely out of context. I was actually asking a question there... because i get asked this all the time. Here is what I actually said "I get asked this question from the media all the time, is one enough, two enough, three, four, five... right now I am pretty happy with my two guys..." They used me repeating the question, not answering the question. Hope this helps clarify. The media can edit things however they like. Overall, though, I thought GMA did a great job...."
Repeating the reporter's "old shoe" analogy was completely my fault. As for the editing of her quote, I'm actually pretty upset at GMA for taking it out of context. I don't think that's fair at all. They clearly misrepresented her point.
3. For all of you who said, "Lots of monogamous marriages fall apart" and "Love makes a family," I agree with you. I consider myself very liberal and non-judgemental about these issues. The truth is, maybe I'm simply biased against polyamory. I once knew a family-- a mom, a dad, and two daughters. One day, the mom decided to leave the relationship to be with a woman. Then, about a year later, she and her girlfriend moved back in with her husband and got back together with him, even though he had gotten a girlfriend (who I think he broke up with). Let me make one thing clear: I have nothing against this on a moral level. They are very nice people. It just seemed pretty difficult for the kids to adjust to their mom's flip-flopping back and forth and then bringing someone else into the family-- and I can see why. I'm sure they'll turn out absolutely fine in the end, but was it really best for them? It seemed like the adults were putting themselves way above their kids.
Clearly, Jaiya and her partners' situation isn't nearly as tumultuous as this family's. It was wrong of me to allow myself to be biased by my observations of one polyamorous family. Especially now that I know the truth about the "old shoe" and Jaiya's out-of-context quote, it is clear that my knee-jerk reaction was unfair. I appreciated every single one of the comments-- even the critical ones. Thank you for sharing your insight.
College student, future history teacher, and feminist.