- Share This Post
- submit
- 1
-
Sparkle (0)
A shopping center. On a bench
I sit in silence
A dark smudge on an otherwise brightly colored canvas.Families bustle by,
Loudly arguing:
Stress over locating the “perfect” gift.But little do they know
That perfection
Is the time spent with their loved ones.My perfect gift is non-existent:
There is nothing
That I want more than to have my partner back.
Written in November 2006, the above poem was my attempt to overcome the suffocating isolation and depression that I felt during the first holiday season spent without my husband. While the entire journey of widowhood is a difficult trip that no woman wants to take, the winter holiday season is often a minefield of potential emotional triggers. The very notion of spending the holidays with family is a cold reminder to the widowed that part of their family is no longer with them. Add the resulting anger and loneliness to an already high-stress season with decorations and festive music everywhere, and suddenly even a trip to the grocery store becomes daunting.
There are many good resources, both on the web and in print, for dealing with the holiday season when you've recently been widowed or are suffering from the blues. However, I'd like to share a few tips that were particularly helpful to me:
1. Create a new tradition that allows you to remember something you loved about the deceased.
For me, this was finding very sarcastic, black-humor greeting cards that I knew would have made my husband laugh. And then, I sent them out to everyone on my mailing list with a note explaining why I chose the cards that I did (as unconventional as they might have been).
2. Avoid crowds.
This one applies to everyone yearning for a simpler, less stressful holiday season. However, if you're finding that the holiday music and festive decorations are particularly grating this year, minimize your exposure by shopping at off hours. Weekday mornings are usually your best bet for getting in and out of a shopping center quickly.
3. Stay active.
Whether it's going to the gym or meeting up with a friend for a walk around the neighborhood, exercise will raise your serotonin levels and get you out of the house. Furthermore, you'll be ahead of everyone who will start their diets in January.
4. Talk to others about how you are feeling.
Whether you choose to talk to friends, family members, a clergy person, a support group, a therapist, or even your family doctor, it's important that you communicate your feelings to someone with good listening ears. Your confidante might not be able to solve all of your problems, but just talking about your feelings is a cathartic act.
Above all, remember to be kind to yourself this season.
