Someone Get This Kick-Me Sign Off My Back

Soooooo...someone asked me out.

Guy: Since you're single now, I hope you'll let me take you out sometime.

Unfortunately for him, I overanalyze everything. So I was 99% sure "take you out" was code for "sleep with you."

Guy: I know it's probably too soon, and I don't want to be your rebound, but I'm afraid that if I wait too long, some guy will scoop you up before I get a chance.

As it turns out, he's just a nice guy, and my overanalyzation was unneeded.

But then he waved a red flag. Metaphorically.

Dangled it right in front of my nose. Metaphorically.

Guy: It takes me a few dates to see someone exclusively. I just have trouble committing to someone at first.

That's when I started looking for the sign on my back that said, "If you have commitment issues, come see me."

W. T. F.

Guy: But after a few dates, I get past that initial hump.

Instead of overanalyzing the word "hump," I decided to be optimistic. And I'm glad he did because he's a Southern Gentleman.

Then he swapped out the red flag for a carrot cupcake. Metaphorically.

Guy: I think couples know within a year if they want to spend the rest of their lives together.

A year? Seriously? Thank you for restoring my faith. Or that's just what guys say when they want to get in your pants.


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