Something's Missing...

It's not my car keys...and my cell phone is right here...what is it? Oh yeah--my KIDS!

children stayed over my mother's house last night (bless her little
soul) so that I could go to a meeting this morning and work this
afternoon. They will also be there overnight tonight (OH MY) so I can
work tomorrow, and I will pick them up in the early afternoon tomorrow.
This is the longest I have been away from my daughter in a while, and
it is one of the first times in a VERY long time that I get hours at a
time to myself when I don't have to be working. This morning I woke up
at about 8:30 (oh, the life of leisure!), did some random cleaning and
put myself through the requisite torture with Jillian Michaels (which
was much easier today, by the way, even though my bum and thighs are
STILL so sore I groan when I get up off the couch). I did some work on
the computer, commented on some blogs and checked my e-mail. It was as
if I was some single lady living the life of her choosing at her own
pace--what a concept! It is amazing what you can get done without a
toddler pulling on your leg, getting under your feet or whining for you

I can't really wrap my head around
the fact that I have all the rest of today, and all tomorrow morning to
myself. Yes, I do have to work during this time, but it is going to be
(drum roll please) QUIET! I am not sure if I can work under these
conditions anymore, having become so accustomed to the racket and chaos
my two children create every day. I can also work out when I want to
(damn, no excuses now!) and could just decide to spontaneously pick up
a book and read something other than snippets of blogs from my blog

My husband is going out tonight, so I think that in
having the place completely to myself I will get drunk on some good
(but cheap) shiraz, put on my most comfy sweats and do some stuff that
I never do for myself. Perhaps a facial...maybe a pedicure. Definitely
renting a movie just for ME that doesn't involve any cartoon
characters, large guns or big boobied women. I am NOT going to cook. I
am NOT going to do any dishes. It might just be the most perfect night

The weird thing is, though, that I kinda feel strange.
Good, but strange. It's almost as if I am missing a limb or have
suddenly lost about, oh say, 70 pounds. (Which should feel great,
shouldn't it? Not the missing limb part, the losing 70 pounds part.)
But when it is the best 70 pounds of you, in fact that CAME from you,
it makes you feel a little bit un-whole. A little bit like someone came
and scooped out an important part of who you are. I keep looking around
trying to find what's missing, but I can't find it. It's not car keys
or a cell phone, it's my kids.

The fact is, I like pretending
that I am a single girl about town without a care in the world, but
that's not me. That was me 10 years ago, and since then I have gained
some very important "weight" on my shoulders and life just isn't the
same without it. I am going to enjoy my little vacation from the
responsibility and insanity of being a mom, but I must admit that when
I pick them up tomorrow afternoon, they will fill a void in me that
shouldn't remain empty for too long. I wouldn't want to lose that
weight completely for anything in the world.

Now is when you say "AWWWWWWW..."


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