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There are some true aphorisms. A stitch in time probably does save nine. And the early bird does seem satisfied worm-wise. But sometimes an aphorism can be dangerous, leading us down a path that just isn't going to be helpful. I wish I had a huge trash can large enough to dump forever a whole bunch of trite spiritual aphorisms that come my way. These are words that describe the world in a certain way, making any reality that does not "fit" that mold seem false or lacking in faith, or, heaven help us, unenlightened. Spoken so often, they get taken for granted, even though they are false hopes that push real hope -- realistic hope - out of the way. Here are three of my least favorites and why I would like them consigned to spiritual Never-Ever Land. They appear in no particular ranked order.
1. God (or the Universe) never closes a door but that he (or it) opens another or its variant"....or he (or it) opens a window,.
What on earth does that mean? That the Higher Power keeps flapping things open and shut in everyone's lives like some crazy game of pinball? Slam door. Open window. Slam window. Open door. That makes me feel like some rat in a maze. I honestly think God and/or the Universe has better things to do than all this snapping and slamming.
The reality is that sometimes a door just closes, and God may have nothing to do with it. Sometimes an opportunity passes. We have free will. Sometimes we say no to something that might have been a good thing in our lives. Sometimes someone else denies us access to something. Sometimes health, or fate, or world politics prevent us from having something or being something. End of story. Closing of door.
Sometimes that is a good thing, and sometimes it is very sad, tragic even. But this aphorism asks us to ignore the closing and to go running about looking for an opening, and to not feel bad when something closes. Actually, I think it makes sense to grieve what is lost, to howl if we need to, to even complain to God or the Universe at large that this was a bit much. Forcing this aphorism on someone is like saying to someone who lost a child -"Oh, there will be other children!"
It's OK to not be happy all the time, to not be looking around for the next step before you have figured out what happened with the last one. It's even OK to be pissed off for a while. Or to cry your eyes out until you are done.
Now, I do believe in an abundant world, but I just don't think it all needs to get rammed down anyone's consciousness until they are ready to move on.
And, unless this phrase can be told with honesty to a child in Darfur, then it isn't universally true. Doors close there all the time. And the windows are not opening all that fast, when they open at all.
2. "God (or the Universe) never gives us anything we cannot handle.
Right. Check today's suicide rates and say that again. We get tons of things we cannot handle every day.
That is why we have friends, therapists, communities, families, doctors, loved ones, churches, clubs, temples, bulletin boards, social media, governments, neighbors, advice columns. We cannot get through this life alone. As Americans we are inundated with this "ME" culture - this defiant individualism. It makes it hard for us to ask for help. When Katrina hit and we were failing and flailing, it never hit our government to start asking for international aid. We couldn't handle it.
And as an individual, I hate to imagine the length of my life list of "Things I just Couldn't Handle". I needed people around me. But, sometimes, I was just too weak, or embarrassed or hurting to ask them. Sometimes I felt bad about not handling every detail in my life myself. That didn't help me, it hurt me. Sometimes folks had to step up and help without being asked. I wasn't organizing the support. I wasn't handling things. They were.
And who says it was God or the Universe deciding I or anyone else needed this hardship? I cannot believe that God goes around plunking people with horribleness just to watch them manage their way through it. I have come to believe that hardship, illness, tragedy, is random. We are, however,
