Sometimes I'm Superwoman, But Mostly I'm Just Me
It finally dawned on me last Sunday Evening as I vigorously scrubbed the kitchen floor. I was thinking about the clothes that needed ironing, the other laundry that required folding, the dishes that needed to be washed, etc. The list is always long in my mind. I don't take naps, I rarely sit or take a break and yet there is always something that needs to be done. Why is that? And that's when it hit me. I was tired. Tired of always running. Tired of not taking a moment to do something fun, just for me. Just because I wanted to. Of not waiting until the baby was asleep and I was done with all of my "chores." But I felt obligated to continue doing it all.
I talked to my grandmother the next day about it. Then I told her that I should probably get off the phone so that I could get started on making another round of homemade baby food, dusting furniture and cleaning the windows. She said, "I used to be like you. I used to feel like I had to do it all. Like I had to have the perfect home, like the pictures I saw in Good Housekeeping magazines. Then when I hit my fifties, I looked back on all of it and wished that I hadn't wasted so much time doing those things. The truth is, the windows will wait for me. Living life is much more important than all of the mundane day-to-day tasks we set for ourselves."
Such good advice. It truly resonated. I guess deep down it's become a mental roadblock. I feel like if I'm not keeping these things orderly and in tact that I'm failing in some way. Failing at being a good homemaker. I've said before that staying at home and taking care of a child is a full-time job and it's true. That working mentality stays with you regardless of whether or not you're going to an office job. And when I take a break or try to take time to myself, I end up feeling guilty about it. It's ironic that prior to having my son, I made it a priority to do nice things for myself and to give myself a break. I understood how important it was and I never once felt guilty. Now that I'm a mother, when I need that "me" time more than ever, it suddenly loses priority in my life. Funny how that works. I'm sure most mothers could say the same.
So recently, I have decided to start giving myself a little more priority. I am working on weeding out the guilt. It's not going to be an immediate change, I've realized. But little by little, I'll get there. I like the feeling that I get when I accomplish everything on my To-Do List, but I know I'm going to like the breaks I give myself even more.
Have you taken some time for yourself lately?