Sometimes It's Good That Old Boyfriends Fade Away

elizabeth: When the East Village was my home, I lived with a boyfriend who was so handsome and sultry eyed sexy. Man, I just liked looking at him. And I know he liked looking at himself also. If I was him, I would have been doing the same damn thing. We lived on St. Mark’s Place and whenever we walked to the West Village men’s eyes would be undressing and bedding him down. That cracked me up something fierce. Because it could be -37 degrees and he would be breaking out in a sweat because the young (and old) gay men thought he was hot.  I had very good taste. He told me that a lot.

But he was cheap.  Not the hey I forgot my wallet cheap, but hey I think you should buy my dinner cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. But he was hot. And when he bought dinner it was be pasta made in the kitchen that housed our bathtub. So he could bath and watch the water boil at the same time.

We broke up numerous times because neither one of us wanted to get married at the same time. I look back and I am glad because I probably would have had to work two jobs so that he could sit around and look hot. And back then I probably would have considered it. For about 2 seconds.

Laurie:  Yeah, cheap is not my favorite characteristic.  My winner used to say whenever I cooked “See, I knew you could do better than some restaurant.”  Now for women who enjoy cooking, that may be considered a compliment, but to me it was just another sign that this bozo was trying to get out of buying me a dinner I didn’t have to cook in my dime-sized apartment.  I decided that rather than doing better than some restaurant I could do better than him.  But to his credit, he was The One – the one who confirmed that me and Cheap will never be hanging out together.

elizabeth: The boyfriend I flew cross country to live with in San Francisco was extraordinary. He was a man who believed the world should cooperate; he had such compassion for all, he listened and held your pain in his hand and he cried with you. Plus he had some of the best hair I have ever seen on a man. Dark brown and sun kissed and thick with a slight wave. He started to drive cross country by himself, and when he came back north to spend the holidays with me, his shoulder length hair was up around his ears. CRAP! He did not look like himself. With tears in my eyes, I asked him why he cut his hair. And I can still quote him. He said “Babe, what do you think they would do to a Jew with long hair driving a van with NY plates down south?” That made me cry even harder because I knew he was right.

 Laurie:  My first husband was the most beautiful thing I ever saw.  Walked into a college class and there sat a blond-haired, blue-eyed god in a tank top, muscles gleaming and hair touching the top of his tanned and toned shoulders.  Knew I had to have some of that.  And I did.  We were married six months before we graduated college.  I have all the pretty pictures to prove it.  And he was sure we were going to have a great future because his parents would help us.  What?  You want independent me to take money from someone I don’t even know?  They’ll be investing in their grandchildren’s future?  OMG, you want kids????  Yes, we did talk prior to getting married but usually between sexual escapades. We were divorced 13 months later.  ‘Nuff said.

elizabeth:  This old boyfriend could have been a keeper but we did break up about five years later. Family pressure got to us.   His mother did not want him to marry outside his faith and I got tired of feeling like a leper.  But we talked a lot until he got married to someone else.  The funny thing is that one of our old friends told me that she looked like me. My brother said she was plain looking.   I don’t talk to my brother anymore.

Laurie:  elizabeth, let’s raise a glass of unsweetened iced tea to the ones that got away, breathing a huge sigh of relief, scorning the prejudiced family, and casting an angry glance at your brother.  Here’s to the ones that weren’t The One.








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