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The question becomes how do our children truly fit into the picture of American society and what does the future hold for them? We can look objectively at the way society on an individual basis interacts with our children. We can pinpoint at anytime the odd, asshat who is mean and cruel to our children. But do we allow it to overshadow the mostly good that we encounter in our world?
Because no one intervenes to help you when your child has a meltdown in the supermarket, does it mean that they are condescending or does it mean that they do not know what to do? Does it mean that they do not want their head bit off when they offer help, which has happened on quite a number of occasions to me?
When you talk to the school and they deny your child a service is it personal or is it because your child doesn’t fit into the regulations? Does your child get red flagged and do they watch them anyway? Does your school give your child that extra time, even though it is not part of any plan just because they need it? Does the school understand your child’s needs beyond their IEP and tries to help out if they can?
When you take your child to a restaurant does the hostess notice, as their behavior gets better and comment on how well they are doing? Does the professor (teacher) congratulate your child on his/her progress in behavior and actually chide your child when they didn’t do so well on a midterm? Do they understand that your child’s innate intelligence and behavior have nothing to do with each other? Does your child feel welcome in their classroom and look forward to school despite the anxiety it causes them? Does the professor take time out of their day to meet with you and your child to ease his transition into a new class? Do they do that at your school? Do they understand what it means to teach all children and accept all kinds of learners into their sphere of education?
Do you take your child to volunteer and the people around them are happy and welcoming? Are they given tasks that are commensurate with their intellect while also being made responsible for activities that will challenge them? Is no one afraid of your child and they are accepting of them for who they are?
When you take your child to the supermarket and give them a list and have them practice asking for the meats at the deli counter does no one blink an eye? In fact, do the grandparents smile as you walk by and give you a thumbs up? Does it seem that everyone is happy to see a parent taking a hand in teaching their children?
Much is written on this site about how our children are not accepted and not welcome in so much of the world and in our society. I catalogue events and trials and tribulations almost on a daily basis of what my boys go through wherever they go. I realized too that not everything that happens in life to the boys is truly because of their autism. Sometimes it really is just life.
The problem I think is that when you have a child with a disability you begin after awhile to think that that is all everyone sees and that is all everyone reacts to when it comes to your child. You tend to see the world through the prism of disability and nothing more. You also stop on many occasions and forget that the person on the opposite side of the conversation or interaction may have their own problems that they cannot handle and what just happened between everyone has nothing to do with your child, but everything to do with the other person. Now of course, that doesn’t mean you let people be mean or hurtful to your child or don’t stand up for your child or anyone you love under any circumstances, but not everything truly is about your world. Perhaps our children are not as unwelcome as we think they are, it may just appear that way because we are looking for some slight or derisive comment because that is so common at times.
I have argued so often on this site that we cannot let our children use their disabilities as an excuse for inappropriate behavior. That society has rules and regulations and norms that they must learn to
