When Your Job Turns You into a Temporary Single Parent

What I got from your piece is that being a mom, single or otherwise, is simply the hardest job in the world. I have been a full-time working mom, a stay-at-home mom, and now a full-time single mom. Each situation created different challenges for me. From your piece, it is easy to see the kind of juggling you have to do as a mom. When I was working full-time, I hated how the stay-at-home moms judged me, and when I stayed at home, I hated how the working moms looked down on me (or maybe I was judging myself!).

So, I think we should just support each other as moms, regardless of our situations, because you never know when your situation will change, sometimes for the better, and unfortunately, sometimes for the worse.

That being said, I will say that single parenthood is the most challenging situation I have encountered. It is incredibly multi-layerd, and the fact that you are basically alone with the responsibility of keeping your children safe and on track academically, psychologically, financially, socially and physically is quite simply over-whelming.

I can relate to this. My partner works in the craft beer industry and needs to be located within the city of Miami where the majority of his accounts are located. My company is based out of a small town one hour north. More importantly I am a divorced parent and my ex-husband is located within the same small town as my business. The children and I relocated to Miami and were doing the back and forth for two years. The commute was a drain on all of us and they missed their daddy. In February we packed up and got a second home in that little town while my partner remained in Miami. I took our one year old son with me. He comes up every few nights and we have gone down there once over a weekend but its not the same. I am the only one handling the pick up and drop off for daycare, the grocery shopping, the lunch prep, the baths, its exhausting. Yes, a few nights a week I do have help but its hardly the same. I wouldn't call myself a single mom because if I was let's be honest, I'd be out there dating in an attempt to lure someone into help me... but I would say its definitely not the same as it was before.

I would also say that I am pretty darn tired.

Hi Cheryl. You are absolutely right -- this isn't the whole story. It's just a slice of my experiences since my son and I moved to Connecticut. I know I am lucky to be able to afford help to fill in around the edges so I can have this job I love and still have my son and dogs with me. And to have family to help when I have to travel for work.

I was raised by a single mom, although we were lucky to have nearby grandparents. I have always had an appreciation for all that it entails and this knowledge has greatly informed my political opinions.

As I said in previous comments, I'm sorry folks were offended by my post. I certainly did not intend to dismiss their experiences. As noted above, however, the responses have certainly reminded me why I rarely share my personal life on my blogs. I think I shall go back to posting photographs and writing about marketing. :-)

Susan Getgood blogs at Marketing Roadmaps ( http://getgood.com/roadmaps ), Snapshot Chronicles ( http://snapshotchronicles.com ) and Snapshot Chronicles Roadtrip ( http://snapshotchronicles.com/roadtrip ).

Perhaps I should have said "every day" mom, versus only seeing my son on weekends, which I had to do at the beginning of this job, and did not like.

I do have to say that while I appreciate that everyone who reads this post has the right to their own feelings about it, the responses have definitely reminded me why I rarely write about my personal life on my blogs.

Susan Getgood blogs at Marketing Roadmaps ( http://getgood.com/roadmaps ), Snapshot Chronicles ( http://snapshotchronicles.com ) and Snapshot Chronicles Roadtrip ( http://snapshotchronicles.com/roadtrip ).

I just put my youngest of five to sleep--she's battling pneumonia and, amazingly, it's the first time she's had more than a sniffle in her 10 little years.

Then I read this post...and at first, I wanted to react. I'm good at reacting before I think it through---but as I edge towards 50, I'm starting to take a breath. Doesn't always feel natural for me, but I'm trying.

I have been a single parent since my youngest -- little miss sickie :) was 6 mos old. That's 10 years. I have five children and when my husband left me physically, emotionally and financially for a 'more exciting life of leisure' they were 6mos, 2, 4, 15 and 16. My mom died a week later---quite suddenly. Two years later I lost my dad. I became an orphan of sorts with five children. (My children -who rock, btw -- are now 10, 13, 15, 24, 26. Two oldest own homes and have amazing post college careers. Pat Pat...) (Sorry.)

So, I read this post and I thought, "Wow, she has a helper? Ooooh. Someone to babysit when she travels? Oh...how I'd like a late night dog walker while my children sleep...."

Yes, I was a little "pissy."

But I'm trying hard to be fair and see the writer's perspective--she's on a test drive of sorts. Or maybe we don't know the whole story.

She's perhaps getting just a taste of being a one woman show. But it's not all that real with the (fortunate) help she gets and a hubby that does show up.

I'm a lot less cranky about this post than I was when I first started reading. Because perhaps the writer will have some a new look at what is the BEST case scenario for a single Mom (help is big...and most single moms lack that!) and have some real appreciation for those who have to really go-it alone.

I have no pinch hitter. No one to relieve me when I'm about to drop and a sick child needs me. I've raised self sufficient children but I still want them to be children...and enjoy life as I did...just one parent short.

All I can say (as if I didn't say enough already...and sorry for that) is enjoy your son. Every minute. Being a single parent (even if it's temporary and not a really classic single mom scenario) is oh-so-rewarding.

Disclaimer: If this is a rambling hot mess of a response, I only had 1.75 hours of sleep last night.

Cheryl

TheDailyBlonde ( http://thedailyblonde.com )

I'm really puzzled how you define yourself a full time mother when your son goes to an after-school programme, gets picked up by someone else, and you don't get home till 7pm? I know that sounds critical, which I don't mean it to be, I can't think how else to phrase it. I'm just interested how you would define full time mom. For one thing I've always thought it was a physical impossibility for it to go with full time job. Is it literally just living in the same house?

Thanks Jenifer. I was simply sharing my experiences and very clearly said "somewhat" and "sort of." I in no way intended to diminish the experiences of other women. That said, my son and I are pretty much on our own day to day, and I do not see that changing anytime soon. When the babysitter quits with no notice to take a full time job (which happened last night) I have to solve it myself.

It's really important to remember that blog posts include the information the writer is comfortable sharing. There's always more to the story. This post is no exception.

My life isn't awful, and I am not saying that it is. It is however very different than it was, and I thought my personal blog readers might be interested so I wrote about it. No intention to offend and I'm sorry that some folks were.

Susan Getgood blogs at Marketing Roadmaps ( http://getgood.com/roadmaps ), Snapshot Chronicles ( http://snapshotchronicles.com ) and Snapshot Chronicles Roadtrip ( http://snapshotchronicles.com/roadtrip ).

When you are used to having a spouse help out in the day to day things of life, it is hard to lose that (even if it's only temporary).

I have a hard time when my husband doesn't see the kids for a day or a week (when he has a conference or something).

I hope that the house sells soon so that all of your family can be together in the same place!

I'm a single mom, too, with 4 kids. I don't think Susan was trying to say that her situation is the same as yours or mine (and, it's likely our situations are pretty different, too, single motherhood aside). Her words are "somewhat, sort of single mom." She's simply sharing her own experience and saying how much she's appreciating this time with her son.

I think that the more women who have a bit of an idea of what it's like to be a single mom, the better. Of course I cannot say this for sure, but my guess is that the next time Susan is voting or making other decisions, she'll be more likely to support things that help one-parent families.

I hate to say this, but as an actual single parent for many years, this kind of rubs me the wrong way.

Being a single parent means having NO ONE to rely on, no partner, no second income, no support net, and no other adults who care about your well-being. (For most, it also does not include a vacation home in Vermont.)

Temporarily being a two-household or two-continent family does not a single parent make. It really is not the same, and I'm tired of it being made out as if it is.