The song from Frozen I wish my kids didn't listen to...

But the last bit of the song is the worst – The trolls give so many “run for your life” red flags that if Anna wasn’t so sick in the scene, she’s probably never stop screaming.

“Is it the way that he runs scared?  Or that he’s socially impaired?  Or that he only likes to tinkle in the woods?  Are you holding back your fondness due to his unmanly blondness? Or the way he covers up that he’s the honest goods?  He’s just a bit of a fixer-upper.  He’s got a couple of bugs.  His isolation is confirmation of his desperation for human hugs.  So he’s a bit of a fixer-upper, but we know what to do.  The way to fix up this fixer-upper is to fix him up with you!"

Since I have two boys I know that all men like to pee in the woods.  That doesn’t bother me at all.  It’s the following information that is so troubling – He “runs scared”, he’s “socially impaired” and his “isolation is conformation of his desperation for human hugs.”

These aren’t problems Anna can’t fix buy just buying Kristoff a new sled.  These are problems years and years of therapy will hopefully improve upon – therapy that Kristoff would have to voluntarily participate in, which would be no problem at all.  I mean, really, what man doesn't like to talk about his problems in therapy, am I right?

Kristoff trusts no one -- And that includes you, Anna!  Get ready for jealous rages when you have a drink with a co-worker!

He’s socially impaired -- Forget going to parties or having friends over.  And how is Kristoff going to act during all of his new royal obligations?  That would be a challenge for anyone marrying into a royal family, much less a person that was raised by rock people.  Can Kristoff even use a fork?

His isolation is conformation of his desperation for human hugs  -- Kristoff wants to love Anna, but it’s just too scary for him to feel that totally vulnerable feeling you have that comes with love, so as soon as Anna thinks she's made a breakthrough with him, he’ll withdraw and get angry.  Anna will threaten to leave him and Kristoff will say, “I knew it!  I knew you never loved me!”  Anna won’t leave him and she’ll spend another ten years of her life trying to prove to him that she loves him.  Kids will be born, time will pass, a trial separation will finally ensue.  Kristoff and Anna's divorce will get so ugly that Frozen 4 will have to be titled, "Frozen Assets".

Am I being too harsh with this song?  Maybe.  Have I listen to the Frozen soundtrack way too many times?  Definitely.  And in “Fixer-uppers" defense, the song does provide a caveat to all of this fixing nonsense.


"We’re not sayin' you can change him, ‘cause people don’t really change, we’re only saying that love's a force that's powerful and strange.  People make bad choices if they’re mad, or scared, or stressed.  (Or in Kristoff’s case, orphaned at birth and left to die alone in the woods.)  Throw a little love their way.  Throw a little love their way and you’ll bring out their best.  True love brings out their best!”

So they do say, “We’re not saying you can change him because people don’t really change".  But they immediately undercut this by saying "true love brings out the best".  What's that supposed to mean?  If you get in a fixer-upper relationship and you can’t change your messed up mate, it means it wasn’t true love?  Excuse me?  So if Kristoff can't learn to trust and get over his bad childhood, is that Anna's fault?  Their love just wasn't strong enough to "bring out the best?"

Maybe this song bugs me so much because I grew up listening to “Free to be you and me” and those songs shaped my view of the entire world – how to ignore gender stereotypes, how to be a strong woman and how to find beauty in other people's differences.  And all these years later, I can sing that album by heart.


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