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I have been writing about family, parenting, politics and religion since 2000. My work has appeared on Babble.com, Literary Mama.com, in Adoptive Fam...
 
 
 
 

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Sorry New York Times: There Aren't Two Sides to Bullying

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According to the New York Times, some folks out there have decided that anti-bullying measures in schools around the country are a new prong of attack in the Homosexual Agenda. The dissenters, of course, don’t claim to be in favor of bullying, only opposed to telling kids that being gay is not a reason to bully someone. I’m not sure exactly what the difference is when bullying takes a homophobic tone.

I can’t speak for The Homosexuals at large, but I will say that as a lesbian mom, I’m okay putting “end sexuality and gender based bullying” on my own agenda. My five-year-old has already got classmates who announce sagely that “two girls can’t get married” in spite of the fact that they are speaking to a kid with two married — for all five-year-olds know of marriage — mothers.

And is it really any wonder that the kid saying this the loudest is the least gender-conforming of my daughter’s female friends? Has she already suffered some harassment for hating pink and refusing to wear dresses, and turned that harassment outside-in at the age of six? Sadly, it wouldn’t surprise me, even at our crunchy, bleeding heart, alternative school that includes sexual orientation in its diversity statement, has gay and lesbian staff, and more than a few students with same-sex parents (there are at least three in my daughter’s class alone).

There is no doubt in my mind that reading And Tango Makes Three is a good way to open discussions of the diverse ways in which families come to be and help kids see that legal marriage aside, two people of the same gender can make the same kinds of commitments to each other that people of the opposite gender can — including commitments to being good parents together. That discussion could and should also include step-families, single parents, foster families, adoption, birth and all the myriad ways people live together and care for each other in loving commitments.

If some people oppose that, I not only think they are just plain wrong, I think the New York Times ought to leave them to tooting their own trumpets rather than giving them a national forum. And this brings me to what really bothers me about the article.

In spite of the mainstream media’s strenuous practice to the contrary, there are simply not two equal sides to every story. We would not go to a Holocaust denier to comment on a hate-crime against a synagogue as if his opinion were as valid as the Anti-Defamation League’s. And I am growing weary of watching respectable media outlets turn to fringy anti-gay groups for “balance” in articles that really have only one right side. In this article, for example, the go-to source for anti-gay comment, Focus on the Family, gets a stage, along with several individuals quoted throughout from their own personal religious perspectives.

Religious beliefs don’t get to guide public school curricula in the United States of America. Note that the First Amendment to the Constitution says that “Congress shall make no law regarding the establishment of religion.” So when Rick DeMato of Liberty Baptist Church says “the Bible says very clearly that homosexuality is wrong, and Christians don’t want the schools to teach subjects that are repulsive to their values,” he’s just plain out of luck.

We don’t have a state religion in this country and what it says in the Bible, the Koran, the Bagavad Gita, the Analects of Confucius, the Talmud or any other religious writing, is supposed to have nothing to do with public policy. Therefore, why the Times finds the opinions of a few far right conservative Christians relevant to the agenda of halting child suicide incited by bullying is a mystery to me. When respectable media outlets give seemingly equal weight to religious opinion and public policy made to protect children (and not from “repulsive values,” but from actual, deadly, physical harm), they are failing in their responsibility to keep the citizenry educated about the way our government works.

But hey, let’s pretend it does matter what the Bible says. Here’s another Baptist minister with a strong, Bible-based opinion about public policy on economic justice, about which the Bible has hundreds of verses (versus the less than dozen about same-sex sexual behavior). What I want to know is why the New York Times doesn’t take

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TickleFest 5 pts

What I love about Sesame Street is that it has been showing various combination's of family for as long as I can remember. They have racially mixed families, grandparents and aunts and uncles raising kids, two women, two men, all sorts of variety. This gives every child a way to say "That looks like my family!" I wish it were as easy for School Districts and the Religious Right to understand that it doesn't really matter what we think of a parent's choices, what we are trying to do is give each child a way to belong! That's what is important!

Loved your article. Thank you!

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Shannon LC Cate 5 pts

Well, in fact, I think every story has infinite "sides" but not all are equally weighty or worthy of report, and I totally agree with you that the article was attempting to heat a debate rather than merely represent one.

The hundreds of Bible verses that can only be construed as opposing capitalism mean much more to me than any anachronistic mention of same-sex behavior (not actual long-term, loving relationships unless you look at Ruth and Naomi and David and Jonathan, both of which the Bible valorizes). As a Christian, I've never had a problem being queer.

But it'll be a cold day in August before you hear anything about that in the New York Times.

"All that you have is your soul." Tracy Chapman

ModaMama 5 pts

Just a week ago ended up sitting next to a talkative but conservative man on a transcontinental flight. He broached the subject that in a public school he felt homosexuals had been paid to proselytize and recruit within the school (an anti-bullying school speaker who happened to be gay) but he as an Evangelical could not pass out bibles or preach his message on school grounds.

I thought of explaining that these are not congruent issues, that a respected community member of any sexual orientation doesn't need to recruit for his team. I wanted to tell him that who you choose to love doesn't make you a sexual predator and that he should maybe take a closer look at his bible some time... instead I asked the flight attendant to change my seat.

I did appreciate this little messenger of insanity because when we live in a supportive community where everybody is open minded, you forget the opposition to your life isn't theoretical and somewhere else, but sitting right next to you and in the NY times.

Schools should be an extension of a discussion that starts at home. Whether every parent agrees that it is ok to be who you are or not (unfortunately some do not) setting your kid loose in public school is about socializing them to their larger world. Even if that larger world has another kindergartner with two mommies and a surrogate, a biracial daddy with his special atheist friend, and a whole host of other people that play into the daily care of the child.

When you show a family to a 5 year old, he doesn't label it queer or straight, he just knows it a family. That's simple enough.

www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com ( http://www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com )

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lisanoel03 5 pts

i think this article is less about showing the other side to the story and more about sparking debate because you're right, while in some ways there is always 2 sides to the story...this ISN'T the other side to this story. I am in most ways a very conservative Christian and while I do agree that the bible does say same gender relationships are wrong, it also says a whole slew of stuff i do everyday is wrong too. i wouldn't want anyone bullying me or my kids because of those things. I think anyone from any religion teaching anything but love and acceptance is out of LINE! When the antigay agenda is pushing they're teaching people to look at someone solely for their sexual preference and completely void that person of any other value. I don't how or where anyone can gather this type of behavior as something Christians are called to do.

Melissa Ford 5 pts

Such a good point about the ADL if there was a hate crime against a synagogue.

And Tango Makes Three is one of my twins' favourite books, but I can't even tell you how hard it was to find it. We took it out from the library several times, and then I decided to buy a copy because they obviously loved it. But I had to drive 45 minutes to the nearest bookstore that carried it -- in a suburb of a major city! I do think it should be required reading.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

Karen T. Smith 5 pts

Thanks for writing, and for putting your finger on something that's been bothering me for a while about some mainstream journalism. Every story doesn't have to have two sides. It's okay to take a stand sometimes (I suppose this is why I like blogging, eh?)

I write on Suburban (In)sanity ( http://beckersmith.typepad.com/my_weblog/ ). I have two kids, two cats, a dog, a husband and a minivan. I live in the suburbs now and try to stay sane. Some days, I succeed.