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A few days ago my husband sat down heavily besides me with a drink in his hand and said, "I feel like I've been on a week long vacation -- and it SUCKED."
Like many businesses these days, the software company he works for had announced a major round of lay offs. Because we live and work internationally, the local laws required that company wait one week between announcing the lay offs and announcing who specifically was going to be laid off. The intervening week was one of gossip, nerves, worry, and an unheard of lack of productivity. Finally the cuts were made, and while my husband was spared the loss of his job, many friends and coworkers were not. In the midst of this upheaval I found myself spinning, trying to find ways to help our friends who were now facing a mindboggling combination of anxiety and uncertainty, coupled with possibility of new opportunities and adventure.
In times of financial loss how can you weather to storm? How can you help those around you withstand the onslaught of unexpected circumstances and unwanted realities? What does soulcare look like for the sacked?
Reach Out
For some reason we humans have got it into our heads that when a person is hurting, they probably want to be left alone. "I don't want to bring them down by talking about it," seems to be the general thought. But the exact opposite is usually true. In trying times -- like after a job loss--people want to hear from you. It's surprising how sustaining a phone call, email, or note can be in this kind of situation--it's small, but powerful. Janice Turner in her article for The Times Online puts it this way:
In a short story, which provided a title for the latest Bond movie, Ian Fleming names the smallest unit of sympathy that can exist between two people: a quantum of solace. It isn't much, this shard of compassion, but it can keep a person alive. You can afford to give it. And it will never, believe me, go unfelt.
Be an Extreme Encourager
When you are feeling discouraged, the last thing you need is a Perky Cheerleader Type. A Perky Cheerleader Type stands on the sidelines and yells cliches at you from a distance. What you need is an Extreme Encourager. According to life coach Christine Kane an Extreme Encourager avoids anything that might be printed on a motivational poster. Instead powerful encouragers listen actively, acknowledges the downsides without become mired down by them, and help you find the moments of grace and hope in the midst of a dire situation. If you are learning to be an Extreme Encourager to yourself or to someone you love, click here for more advice from Kane who says:
An extreme encourager remembers that no one knows what’s best for anyone else. An encourager knows that we are all wise and that sometimes we make choices that might not seem so wise. An extreme encourager calls out our deepest desires and then helps us see the thoughts and fears that hold us back.
Send a Mantra
One of the maddening things about uncertainty is that it's so...uncertain. In the wake of a job loss the atmosphere that surrounds you can feel like an unpredictable sea. Perhaps you are enjoying the feeling of relief that comes with getting out of job you didn't really care for all that much. Maybe you are even feeling hopeful about what new opportunities that might unfold in front of you, when all of a sudden --woosh!--a wave of nervousness comes crashing down on you as your daughter announces she's worn through her gym shoes, or the Visa bill comes in the mail. Sometimes an encouraging word can help someone ride out these stormy seas, and maybe even bring a little bit of calm to wave buffeted shores. Sending someone a postcard or note with something calming can be a huge help. I like things that can be repeated ad infinitum. One of my favorites is this quote from 13th Century mystic Julian of Norwich:
All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.
Another time tested ode is the Serenity Prayer, written by social activist and theologian Rienhold Neibuhr and road tested faithfully by scores of the ultimate change agents, 12 steppers:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
