'Special friends' and the prevalent ICK-factor

The Continental

'The Continental:' My claim to shame as I have dated one. 

"Ick" is the word that embodies it all for me. Call me judgemental, but whenever I hear a man peacocking and admitting to "altre amiche" or "special friends" my reaction immediately shifts to "ick." Ick takes me back to the time I met Matteo (a friend of 'Stalker-ex'), who pompously declared to me over white-chocolate crepes, that he had slept with over 500 women. A shocking statement as I can't imagine 500 women were dumb enough to fall for this sleazy Italian MacDaddy and his cheezy lines of bullshit (except for, perhaps his now WIFE). Back in the day, Magic Johnson at least had the basic magnetism of fame and money going for him (but eventually it all caught up with him, and he ended up with HIV). Despite wanting to sarcastically vocalize my 'ICK' factor in the way of: "Congratulations. Did you scrape the rind off your penis?" I kept silent and masked my prevalant heebie-jeebies and utter disgust, and managed to finish my crepe trying not to stare too long at the white-chocolate oozing from it's inner folds.

WHY should any number of conquests or 'f'ck-buddy' members of your peanut gallery impress me? Should you get a Congressional Medal of Honour or Nobel Peace Price for putting your penis inside high numbers of women or equal populations of small villages? How about an honourary: "Douche-Bag Player of the Year" award? I personally find these men weak in character and have a  desperate need of validation, and sand-blast instead of a shower.

I personally I don't 'go there' and divulge MY past history of "special friends" with just anyone (except to my blog readers!), and especially NOT to new people I would be interested in getting to know on a more personal level.

This brings me to "Tuscany" whom I can hardly call a friend on any level. I felt a little bad about my hard-core judgement regarding the 'dog issue,' so I decided to dechiper further (ok, TEST) whether or not he was worth meeting, or was indeed a stereo-typical one-dimentional single male looking to score - which he claimed NOT to be.

I first commented on the fact he was using his work email, and that he could be monitored by his IT department, so our exchanges weren't exactly private - especially emailing me a nude photo of his bare ass. Then I casually asked: "So who took the photo? Did you do it yourself, an ex-girlfriend maybe? (nice butt though.)"

T: "I cannot say anything about YOUR butt as I couldn’t even imagine it from your pics. The pic was taken by a “friend” of mine who has photography as her hobby."

CM: "I don't much like getting my photo taken in general so you can be sure none of my butt exist. What's with the quotations? Does "friend" mean something different with quotations? I ask because I am a writer of sorts, with a particular narrative style... and I am curious." (I could almost feel an ICK coming on.)

T: "The quotations means she was a “special” kind of friend. Ok, I wait for meeting you to be the first one to take a pic of your butt"

(Well I DID ask. Maybe he should have lied... I kept thinking: Nice. Was photo pre or post-f'ck?)

CM: "Ah yes, "special friends" a nice way of saying it. My friends and I have another word for that in Engish. Is that why you never got married?... so many "special friends?" Sorry, you will have to settle for Picasso's rendition of me, as private photos of women's bare butts often tend to fall into the wrong hands."

T: "Special friends” are not the reason why I am not married…" My hands are NOT the wrong ones, so I wait for meeting you to be the first one to take a pic of your butt."

CM: "And so the reason IS...? They do FALL into the wrong hands... like someone takes a photo, then they OOPS! ACCIDENTALLY loses it or Twitter it to 4000 people. Poor Tori Spelling - her breasts are everywhere."

(or someone can post your naked ass on their blog, HA!)

T: "As I do not believe in marriage…My hands are NOT the wrong ones and I don’t use Twitter or Facebook, so I wait for meeting you to be the first one to take a pic of your butt."

There it is: Doesn't believe in marriage... and "special friend." Shall I do the math? Is there anything that makes him non stereo-typical? Is it a harmless joke, or is there really some truth to it? (Because in my experience  - there usually is.) Or am I just jaded, damaged goods and overreacting again? Despite being clear I wasn't really looking for a casual/sexual relationship - it never seems to sink in to any of them. I could construct a neon sign along the autostrada, and they still wouldn't 'get it.' Unless perhaps I wrote it in big block letters on my bare ass.

CM: "Nooooo...  My virgin butt will not see the likes of a camera. (And won't be joining the 'special friends' club either)"

ICK.

 

 

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