The Spirit of Giving (Too Much?)

I can definitely understand that. I once worked at a job where shortly after starting, was invited to attend her bachelorette party (which 3 days prior to the event, the maid of honor asked everyone to pay $200 into, yeah $200) & wedding. After I offered other suggestions besides the limo (& doing the math & realizing it wouldn't cost much more than $500 total for the party yet there were over a dozen women going), I was told to come along anyway, not to worry about it. I kindly made a couple of dishes for us all to eat at her house while waiting for the limo & hanging out. No prob, right? Yeah, the same maid of honor called me every week for a month asking for that same $200 she told me not to worry about. Horrible. That's why I never wanted to get involved in any way with coworkers since then, baby showers, bachelorette parties, wedding showers, birthday, nothing. Here's a box of Polish chocolates from me.

I'd imagine the time you put into making that gift will be more appreciated than a generic gift card. So lovely of you.

Every class does things differently. Ours tend to do class gifts--which is kind of nice, because we're all in it together. But I know some people really do prefer to do their own things at holiday time.

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My first reaction to this blog entry was a HUGE sigh of relief that the class mom didn't put me in this position, since my husband was laid off and I am a sahm. We bought two pretty boxes at the dollar store and filled one with 15 snack size ziplocks containing one serving each of homemade cocoa mix and one containing a pint of homemade espresso fluff and six or eight zip lock bags, each with a different flavor of homemade marshmallow. Not an expensive gift but hopefully one that will be enjoyed.

My second reaction was mild shame and horror. *I* am the class mom! was I supposed to arrange a group gift? OOPS!!! Nobody told me that...

The comments on my original post, particularly from teachers themselves, were fairly unanimous: what they valued most were those handmade cards from the kids.

I'm sad to report the kids in our class were not asked to do anything for our amazing teachers. I had suggested something from the kids but the class moms pretty much blew it off. It was like, "here's your envelope. Merry Christmas." The end.

We'll have to make up for that on Valentine's Day.

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How much water does her preschooler drink each day to need her own water tank!

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She was very kind. And probably surprised. She mentioned that the amount was suggested by the school and I was welcome to gave as I chose; however I'm guessing the school told them a certain amount per family, not per family per teacher.

She also told me that they took the recommended price range from the school and "rounded up."

I found that one odd.

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Those situations make me highly uncomfortable. Especially because we're sometimes part of a group that is way outside our socio-economic class and what is change for them is enormous for us. People just don't think. My biggest stressor are group meals when people say "let's just split the bill." It's obviously easier, but what they don't know is that I ordered no drink and a small appetizer because that's what I could afford. My bill should be somewhere in the range of $7 with tip, but I'm asked to contribute $25 -- which covers everyone else's entree and drink. Where is the line between cheap and realism?

The way our school handled it was that we asked for $10 per kid at the beginning of the year. That's our budget to throw two parties (Halloween and Valentine's Day) and buy two gifts. You get damn creative when you know you can't ask for more cash at any point in the year. We also learned we could do away with things we thought were necessary for a party. So the class gave the teacher a gift certificate from that amount, and they also made her a homemade card.

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I think we've all run across that mom whose enthusiasm outruns her rational thought...and want to choke her!

One year "that mom" was in charge of our teacher appreciation breakfast and she sent out a note telling people that if they could not prepare something elegant at home, then they should purchase something appropriate from - and here she listed upscale groceries and delis that were way out of the average parent's budget.

The good news is that this mom, in order to save face when people can't or won't pony up her stated contribution, will kick in herself in order to save face. Lesson learned (hopefully).

Do what you planned on doing - I know that the staff will appreciate your personal gesture!

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First the friends, the not-a-charity, priceless. I would have cut people off for a stunt like that. Just make the checks out to you, really?

You shouldn't feel badly about questioning contributions on demand. Not everyone is realistic about what others can afford to give and asking for a set amount is unneeded/tacky.

Appropriate: "We're buying a group gift-card and if you'd like to join in just give what you're comfortable with."

Not cool: "I decided that everyone is giving $20, so whenever you have the check.

A mother once insisted that our preschoolers needed a standing water tank, the only water her daughter drinks at home. The set amount per family was ludicrous and I was that mother, the one who said no. A).they have filtered water already B). my kid has no problem with the water and neither do I C).your child can bring water in her bottle from home like everyone else, you don't need to force others to believe what you do.

Again, it's not whether or not we could all pony up the $ but the fact that someone had taken it upon themselves to decide what is appropriate for YOU for an extra expense you may not even agree with. Not cool.

Hold your ground, that mother will pop up throughout the school years more and more often.

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Ooof...I tend to agree...I think people are going a little nuts at the first sign of upturn.

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