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Yesterday, in the Parent to Parent section of Massachusetts' WHDH-TV, I read this short article simply entitled "Spoiling" with a teaser, "Do you find yourself giving in to your child's demands for toys or treats? Could your kids be spoiled?"
I remember when people said my parents spoiled me. I always associated this comment with meaning that they gave me too much, and sometimes when my life's in the deep end of the ocean, I wonder whether that's true. Is it possible that I believed I should have everything and everything should come easily to me? No, I didn't think that, and if I did, the world quickly schooled me otherwise.
However, this subject of spoiling children by giving them too many material possessions and letting them "have their way" seems to come up increasingly in conversation and in media. We probably all know children who have the latest video game consoles, more toys than the nearest daycare center, more clothes than they can possibly wear, and who clearly understand that throwing a royal tantrum wins whatever they wish. Sometimes these children may belong to us.
When I first saw the WHDH article, I recalled immediately an Oprah show I saw last year about troubled families. One of the families featured was that of a single mother named Kelly:
Kelly is a divorced single mom who says she spoils her 4-year-old daughter, Gianna, with tons of toys, DVDs, clothes, manicures and pedicures—and even diamond earrings.
The mother said she didn't see anything wrong with this; however, I remember the audience seemed to disapprove as Kelly told how much she buys for her daughter, Gianna.
I twisted my mouth watching that episode, thinking that the mother must lack something in her own life and is living vicariously through her daughter. The expert featured on that show was Rabbi Schmuley who has his own show, "Shalom in the Home" on The Learning Channel. He said Kelly was doing a disservice to her daughter, equating happiness and contentment with the number of material possessions one has. That could only lead to trouble down the road, said the rabbi.
Foraging through the blogosphere for recent posts about spoiling one's children, I came across a post by Karen at Pinoy Mom Network called "Ways to Make A Spoiled Brat." At Karen's personal blog she has a list of ways to produce at rotten child, one of which is "Be Inconsistent" about discipline.
You know what she means; you give a punishment but don't follow through with that it. I generally remember the disciplinary actions I've decreed, but lately, older and under stress, I admit that I've forgotten a few. The one I'm most likely to forget is No television or video games. Fortunately for me, my son remembers my early days and rarely does whatever's forbidden on the off chance my memory's working well.
Self-described "strict father" Vikram Karve writes in his blog:
If you want to spoil your children remember there are four factors or resources that help develop and nurture bad habits, addictions and anti-social behaviour: TIME, INCLINATION, OPPORTUNITY, and MONEY.
He follows with explanations of his four factors. Under inclination he asks "Are you inculcating the right values to your kids by your own actions?"
The example given involves a child losing an expensive cell phone and the parent replacing it immediately with a more expensive cell phone. (Apparently this parent has not heard that kids don't need cell phones, according to New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg.")
My son damaged his first phone shortly after receiving it. I took my time about getting another one, placed it at the bottom of priority list and also explained to him that if the insurance company wouldn't replace it, he'd be out of luck. Finally I called and had it replaced, and since its replacement my son has been much more careful with his phone.
Mostly in other blogs I read posts in which the blogger called someone else's child a "spoiled brat" or declared that one of the blogger's siblings was spoiled. I also came across bloggers calling themselves spoiled because they wanted their own way or tended to get their own way.
In addition I came across at least two blogs that discussed the old saying "spare the rod, spoil the child." One of these bloggers wrote about smacking kids in Great Britain. Apparently
