I loved the Bill of Rights section on the blog.  Children should have the right to choose.

My daughters are a bit older, but we try to keep their activities limited and gradually add in activities as they ask for them, and as we have the time and financial resources.

There are a few activities that are non-negotiable.  Because of their musical talent and interest, my children take piano, and will play in band at school through at least one year of high school.  (I am not forcing private lessons on the other instrument unless the girls ask for it.)

My big rule is that we should get our kids to try a lot of things to see what they like.  Not talking about big formal lessons, but little lessons, like samplers, to see if they show an affinity, or even an interest.  By using friends and family and their differing interests, then I can learn with my kids. 

One of my friends is a fabulous dancer.  We have her teach my kids in our own home.  My dad speaks spanish fluently after living in Mexico for 2 years.  He teaches all of us.  My sister-in-;aw is a competative volleyball player, and I have a couple of friends who are aerobics instructors and personal trainers.  They love working with the families, can bring their own kids and it is really fun, it doesn't cost anything and you are not committed forever.  Then, if our child does express and interest, we take it to the next level.

This post definitely helps you think about all the activities and how to run your own home...  Our little one is only 1 1/2 years so we are not there yet, but it is very interesting to think about.  My husband has already said that our daughter will take piano for awhile (his parents made them and he was so glad in the end).  We'll see :).  I dropped out of piano during junior high - so I always wonder what I'll say when she wants to quit.

Thanks for the post!

Because my boys' spend most weekends with their Dad, as well as each Thursday night, and he lives too far out of town to make many activities practicable, we have not "been able" to be in soccer, T-ball, swimming, lessons, boyscouts, etc.  

A couple years into this arrangement, I am thankful.  IMHO, my kids get a lot more out of their "free" time by working in the garden with me, helping with dinner, folding laundry, etc. and THEN (if we get our chores done after school), we have "family time" most nights after dinner, where we all take turns choosing an activity.

I think there is some merit in letting children have time to be bored, to have to look for something to entertain themselves.  They've got their whole adult life to live by schedules and appointments.  

 I loved the bill of rights, BTW

Sara Faivre-Davis

downtoearthblog.com and wildtyperanch.com

Our kids are young, but have decided to take the "finish out the season approach"  The team depends on each player, they depend on you!  If the next season rolls around and our children say no we will be okay with that.  I think gentle hands, and encouragement goes along way.  I don't want to raise the next Tom Brady or Prima Ballerina but I want to instill teamwork and follow through. 

~Susan                                                                                                                   

http://lilmomthatcould.com/

I have a 9yo competitive figure skater, and a 7 yo gymnast and soccer play. They have, at various stages, staged mutinies in which they've refused to continue. Sometimes it was because, yes, they were overbooked and so we've had to scale back. Other times it's because there was an age or stage that they had to spend more emotional or physical energy on (sometimes even just growing an inch or starting 4th grade is hard enough work).

In general, the question I as a parent need to answer is this: what is my goal for my child in allowing her to pariticpate in activity __________.

It doesn't matter that my daughter's goal is the Olympics - that can't be my goal, although I'm willing to support her dreams. Chances are that she'll never get to the Olympics or become a prima ballerina any more than she'll win the lottery. And so, I have to support other goals - both immediate and long term - that have a greater chance of success.

Team sports - yes, once you sign up for the season, you are in. You are responsible to a team as well as for yourself, even when you don't feel like being part of the team anymore.  Learning to understand your body, what it's limits are, how to stretch and get stronger. Learning to remember to fill a water bottle and take it with you.

With individual sports - especially with judges sports like figure skating and gymnastics - learning to hold yourself responsible for your failures (you don't practice, you don't win) as well as your successes due to you your own hard work. It's a tough lesson, let me tell you.

But my kids are competitive and they are perfectionsits. However, they are bright kids who aren't being challenged much in school right now. I myself sailed through 12 years of school without every learning that being smart does not preclude having to do hard work. As a result, when I did face a challenge and did do "perfectly" on my first try, I told myself that if I can't do it, I wasn't meant to do it, and hard work just isn't part of the equation. I lost a lot of time in learning that lesson.

Last week, my 9yo was preparing for a competition and was struggling to learn one particular skating spin. At the end of the practice, she said, "I need to drop that spin and put in an easier one until I work harder on learning the more difficult spin. I probably won't win, but I'll work on that harder spin for the next competition."

I almost broke down in tears. It was, for my perfectionist child, quite literally a miracle. She was willing to not be perfect, but willing to work hard to be better.

Our house "have to" activities are simple: school, some weekly scheduled physical activity, some music. Once you make a commitment and mama puts money behind it, you're in for that term. Do it, evaluate it, decide whether you want to keep doing it. If not, pick a new activity to try. I think that with my girls, I am a little more insistent on them being part of some organized sport - either team or individual - because the studies are so in the favor of girls who participate in sports or dance. Other than that, I bite my tongue and back off.

Halushki.com

We have not approached this problem just yet in our family.  Our daughter just turned 3, but one thing that keeps coming to my mind is how often I hated doing things when my parents were forcing or strongly pushing me to do it.  Such as band.  I didn't want to be in band, but they put me in it with a stipulation that they never followed through with.  I continued to hate it and in turn, my heart was not in it.  I wasn't any good because I didn't care.  What I know that it did do was waste my parents money and my time to find something else that I was interested in doing.

Another thing-as parents, it's always hard to distinguish between encouraging and pushing sometimes.  I know we are warned against our kids jumping from one activity to another every other season, but I  have found that it is how I am geared.  I love learning new things are rarely stick to one to master.   I am able to do woodworking, painting, crocheting, baking, scrapbooking, photography, graphic design, desktop publishing, jewelry making, sewing, and have even roofed a house.  I couldn't say that I was great at all of them, but I get lots of positive comments on all of these non-refined talents.

I know there must be a line that we have to draw as parents due to cost of starting something new and encouraging our kids to set their hearts to be passionate about something, but I think it comes to them at some point and only they know and truly understand what it is.

Good luck though!

Abbie

all in His design

This reminds me of the difficult time I had guiding my own daughter's request to "quit".

My oldest daughter (now 18) reinjured herself after returning to competitive gymnastics practice after a 6 week layoff due to a hip injury at age 14. She had progressed to level 9, and while she was not an elite gymnast, she probably could have scored a college scholarship with her abilities. Upon her second injury (and looking at another 6 weeks), she looked at me and said, “Can I quit? I just don’t want to work as hard as I know I’d need to, in order to get back to the same level as I was.”

Her grandmother was crushed. Grandma took her to her first lesson as a birthday present, and often transported her the 30 miles to practice. I wasn’t sure what to do. We spent many-a-weekend at meets and workshops. We had lots of friends at the gym. How could we just NOT do this?

Then it hit me that her heart wasn’t in it anymore. Passion and motivation are the two most important ingredients in anything we do. What’s the best career advice? Find something you love to do, and then find a way to get paid for it. Would I be able to invest 20 hours a week on something that I didn’t have a passion for? Absolutely not! So, we said good-bye to gymnastics.

It gave my daughter a chance to get more involved in dance, which now IS her passion. In fact, she is so passionate about dance, she’s made it her career choice. Next year, she’ll attend grad school at Oklahoma City University, one of the nation’s best entertainment dance schools. Yes, next year! The kid took enough early entry college classes while she was in high school that she was able to enter an accelerated bachelor’s degree program the next fall as a college junior. But that is a topic for another blog…

http://tracylynnadrian.blogspot.com/